Rhythmic incessant thuds,
Drum rolls of flowing blood.
They ringed in my ears,
Welcomed my deepest fears.

A fragility of the flesh,
Shredding open with each new lash.
A fortress of stones, bone-brittle,
Shattering like an overflooded skull.

Haemorrhage, haemorrhage
How they gush,
Bright red, lovesick
Always in a rush.

To think that each wall I built
Only heightened the fall.
Each scar was a sensation,
I know they watched in awe.

Of flesh and stone,
They contest my throne.
Non-consensual,
but eventual.

Devilish torment -- her body is my lament.
She crawls beneath the cracks and finds
The dark cellar, where my "worst" ferments.
She feeds it as it rots,
Just to make its wine more bitter . . .
Squeezed from the finest lies,
        Designed to make an addict from a quitter.

Like a dark and tempting vacuum
                That my soul cannot escape,
Attractive in its repulsion,
                 It's a part of me that loves the way it hates.
Masturbatory and selfish,
With a thirst that can't be quenched . . .
She finds the spots within me,
                   That make even deities flinch.
Their knees crack and crumble,
                   At its all-consuming "nothing". . .
I never knew my zero could be so wholly unbecoming.

She, or it, will surely be my undoing.
Yet, somehow, that keeps me moving.
So uncomfortably I'll admit . . .
It's the brutal nature of it all,
That I find so disturbingly soothing.

Like a bird on a wire,
Watching.
Waiting.
Listening.
For thoughts as peaceful as a meadow,
Thoughts that are as elusive as the gold at the end of a rainbow, yet just as precious.
Thoughts I yearn for, but will never receive.

~ j.l.

Dark have been the days of late.
Feasting upon the rotting flesh of suns past,
None shall be delivered.
Grown too tall,
Hungered far in excess of what any stomach could carry,
Carried farther than any man dareth venture.
A ceaseless machine,
Cries out in smoke,
The ghastly thing spews,
Waste, lies, misery,
Upon those unknowing folk who drinketh from deceiving waters.
Strong trees stand no longer,
Delicate flowers of darkened shades,
Pilfer the landscape.
Intoxicating petals, formerly fair,
Trigger a grand collapse of the self.
Birds flutter hastily,
Stars spin before wide eyes,
A veil unending shields against the truth.
Many fear I hath become a madman.
The last star fades behind the peak,
The valley grows dark,
‘Tis the fate of I to fall into oblivion.
Methinks that sheep are blind, yet loyal,
Holding course without falter,
Keeping pace with the masses.
I apologize, dear listener,
For I fall into old cliches.
The stone that breaketh herds,
With force unmoving yet natural,
I stand before thee as a lone stranger,
Plowing against trivial time.
Betrayed by my own kin,
Great hammers are forced upon delicate fingers,
Hand over hand climbing ever onward,
With mangled digits.
My palms very nearly caress the precipice,
Idle hope keeps legs steady,
Mind weary,
Soul ever searching.

I feel a mad rush of violence soar,
Throughout my veins and out my pores,
I feel things I know not what for,
A battle inside of myself to restore,
A stable mentality or else I'm done for,
My inner self is becoming a civil war,
This shall last forever no nevermore,
Bringing what's inside into the outdoor.

I planted a seed
I watched it grow.
I watered it daily
I loved it so.

Every morning I opened my eyes
So I could admire you.
And you used to look back at me
and you admired me too.

But I looked to the horizon,
and I saw death in the sky.
Then, the storm took you away from me
and I couldn't understand why.

It's been a long time
since I lost my sweet, pretty flower
Sometimes I want to plant a new one
But I don't think it will grow.

Sometimes I feel like I've already planted one
Other times I feel like I never did.
Maybe I planted it but never watered it.
I don't really know.

I want to ask you to be my sweet, pretty flower
But I think I forgot how.

They say I have fire in my soul,
They say I have passion in my heart,
But that’s only part of me,
Just half of the whole.

Within me lies a monster,
A beast of infinite darkness.
The lighter side of me,
That’s my internal fraudster.

There are parts of me that I do not show.
For fear of your reaction,
If you saw the real me,
Surely you would not want to know?

Of myself I am unsure,
If I am truly worthy.
When I look in the mirror I see the monster,
Of this I am sure.

I have come to a crossroads in my life,
Pain goes left and suffering right.
Do I turn and take one road,
Or do I stay here with nowhere to go.

I am at a loss as to what I should do,
If only I had some guidance,
Maybe even from you.
Someone somewhere, just tell me what to do.

I really need some help,
But this you already know.
I stand on my own,
With nowhere to go.

Here I am in limbo,
Waiting for someone to want to know.
Here I am feeling empty,
Fighting the ebb and flow.