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You
Can
Steal
Land
But
You
Can't
Steal
Our
History.
If it weren’t for my new family, I wouldn’t be alive today
When I was young, I thought of the different ways I could end it all,
I thought about slitting my wrists, like I saw someone else try,
I thought about a gun because my grandpa did and my dad threatened to do the same,
I even thought about drugs because my dad had so many around.
I wouldn’t be here because I didn’t think I deserved any better,
And everyone I knew made me feel like that.
I couldn’t trust my own family and if I couldn’t trust them,
Then how could I expect to trust anyone?
I thought of ways to end it before I was even 8.
No child should think like that, but I did.
My mind and family made me feel worthless,
I thought nobody would miss me, to this day, I still feel like that sometimes.
I didn’t want to live because I felt disgusting,
I didn’t speak up when my brother walked into my room every night,
I didn’t speak up when he made me shut up and take my clothes off,
I didn’t speak up for years… I still haven’t.
I didn’t speak up.. But I could have,
Couldn’t I?
I was only 4 the first time I learned how little I could trust people.
I was only a child and a babysitter I trusted would walk into my room at night,
Take me to the living room, and make me touch him when I don't want to.
I didn’t speak up… Why didn’t I ever speak up?
It made me feel so stupid and feel like I let it happen,
I didn’t want any of it but they didn’t let me have a choice..
It was only a couple years later, My oldest brother tried.
This time.. I spoke up!
I showed my dad proof of what he was trying to do to me,
But I felt terrible because my dad basically disowned him…
It made me want to die knowing I hurt them, I didn’t want to hurt either of them.. But i did,
All I do is hurt the people I love the most.
I decided then and there.. My dad won’t find out about my other brother…
But what good did that do? It only hurt me more in the end…
I didn’t think I mattered to anyone,
And they only kept proving it to me by leaving me or hurting me.
My dad chose the drugs and the fix,
My bio mom chose the drugs and my brother over me.
Nobody even noticed if I was home or not
I still tend to wonder how long it would take everyone to notice.
Would anyone cry?
How would my family have reacted if I took my life when I wanted to?
Would they know they were the reason?
Would they just say I was being dramatic?
I couldn’t talk to my dad about it because he had his own ‘problems’…
I didn’t make the cut for his top priorities..
I never thought I would for anyone,
But that was before I met my new family,
They helped me realize that I really do matter.
For a while, I still questioned if they really liked me and why,
But I finally started realizing, after they put up with me for so long.
They saw me at my worst and instead of putting me further down and leaving me,
They helped me get up to my best.
If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be alive.
Ever since I met them, I haven’t ever thought of ways to end it.
They put up with me when everyone else would leave,
I would try to push them away by arguing because i thought they would leave,
I still do that to this day sometimes because I'm scared.
But I have finally started realizing that they are stuck with me
And I am stuck with them, but I am not complaining.
I finally know what it feels like to be a part of a family.
It means staying by each other no matter what and never betraying each other.
I'm adopted and I write a LOT of poetry to help me deal with my past.
Ken Pepiton Aug 28
Wrong turns, bad luck or no luck,
lucid recollections now six decades gone,

still,
points of reflection, from ruling class
reporters on what in Hell is happening,

while
time to stay one's mind upon meaning,
in the simple definitive act react act react

pneumatic logical breath in, breathe out,
distinctive other way, breath out, breathe in.

Putting first things first in picker experience,

we pick all the fruit on one tree, previous
to moving on to another tree, precious
memories, how they linger, and
with gladness flood my soul,

as gladness is our happy state, glad to say.

------------------------ trilling wohold on
on the bus, red satin black fringe, oh, my soul

Nine billion, or so

nobodies, lacking charisma
as they say, that worthiness some

seem to radiate, those affected say,
worth-shippedness certified appraisals

from conscious attenders to words, message
signaling
my start… minding my own business, changing
line upon line of nothing at all to nothing but this

my personal comfort zone, nonautomation ostent
atious waste

of whitespace, vertical panels, virtually lensing
reality, scrolled to veritable infinity
at the core of what a person is
in the common space our windows paradigm
on all time's contextual stretch of our shared sense,

our common sense, at cognate word level, basic
bottom mind sense, at cooperational deontologic

whying, when it comes to wishing others were
in some steady state afinity with me, against lying,

in wait, quietly hoping to trick before being tricked
into belief construction zones, sans hard hat or tools.

--------- Boss mind, hey
boss, Patron, se, patriotic soul man, woe, wombed
or un, man all the same kind at mind level, emotions

's where, all the difference there ever is, begins,

Genisis, to a child reared in post war anywhere,
if your mind allows empires represented by ancient
totems, rampant beasts believed to defend us, under
God,
who forbade ourkind, our unfallen, innocent spirit mind,
participation in one part of living reality, as far as we have

seen, with our Google Earth eyes, and our JWST eyes,
and our own inner eye, I am, we each know, anyway,

with knowledge now a given, a lie, all children just believe,
the first impression, what a lie does, told, and untold true,

subtler than any beast, but delicate matters, points balanced

under law, not under grace, bottom line rule for being
American to the core, where a person keeps its pride in just

being among the living, during days difficult to endure, just
if I had
known, as a spirit, what a spirit mind may imagine, as real as,

ten years, after starting to think, why am I justifying the real lie?

Genisis, seven days, was likely long told when moons were told,
shown, with story, tomorrow night, moon, you hear me, so old,
the initiation story, watch, mark this night, you here, me sold

in gratitude, in debt to more, by far, than I may think or ask,

inventers granted knowledge of wit, with which we think to ask,

what lonely God, comforted only by Wisdom and whatever spirit
is, free from mortal prejudice, paid attention to idled words spirits

sparks, from a movie about sentient machines,
and cyborgs, enhanced mortal mind wit changers
witchangers, endangered species writ remainders

woe, endure to the end, Joe, where y'gwanwidat gun inya ha'dja n
n na nanana to the when, any where any time, one wishes to ignor

all the peace we make at once, little tiny boil about to become rolling
as the latter rains arrived in my valley, today, to keep wild fires at bay,

all we know is we agreed, we sure could use some rain, amen
all we said, once is we agreed, life is different in spirit and truth,

on any given day, good gets judged, habits get checked, wishes happen,
and a men as a principle sylable, sayable spell song sung men t'al haps
men kind ness wor th a sayable
as haps may become the we
in legendary gentle peace
for no reason,
just cause

its poetic right useness

we think we
work, we think we work, we
be hum us yes humusyes we,

Ullyeseesus, amen, in spirit and truth as we may imagine

after, breath, 3 P.M. alarm, and no attached what for sense…
I know what it was for, a week ago, now it is for whatever it

interrupts… taking time to consider certain outlets, enough to

Run it up the pole, see who saluts.
A spurtual contemplation of global news knowing after effects, breaths taken used to calm me down, keep me from whichangery over reaction...
Many say they are searching,
For their soul mate, this time,
A soul mate, would be a soul,
Inside another person, that knew,
The one in you, during a past life,
Not the picture, in your mind.
You would have to break barriers,
Race, age, looks, wealth…
You would know, as soon as you met,
True happiness, total trust, respect, love,
They would, accept you the same, no binds.


The original : Tom Maxwell© 10/03/2021 AD 3:15 am
yıldız Aug 19
Butterflies in a quiet dawn appear,
threads of souls that circle near.
Through cycles of death and cry,
they wake anew beneath blue sky.
Wings remember what once they knew,
reborn, connected, forever true.

They fall, they rise, they breathe again,
from ash to air, from loss to flame.
A whisper born of lives gone by,
now riding light beneath the sky.
In every wing, a world made new,
rebirth in motion, pure and true.
mysterie Aug 19
how am i meant
to know what my life
is going to look like
after highschool?

will i be in university?
studying what?
what job will i have?
where am i living?
what friends do i have?
did everyone leave?

how am i meant
to know
who i am
entirely
at 15
if most people
dont even know themselves
at 35?
date wrote: 18/8
raaaah
mysterie Aug 18
i dread talking the truth,
letting those words flow out
of my brain
and out my mouth.

it's seldom.

i dont speak my truth,
i am never honest
with my real feelings.

wont it just hurt people?
date wrote: 18/8
might be a favourite..
Andrew Aug 15
Men don’t cry
But
A real man cries
yıldız Aug 6
Stars above, so soft and bright,
Shine on Gaza through the night.
Hold each child in quiet grace,
Bring them hope and a safe place

Let them dream, let them play,
Let them see a peaceful day.
Hear this prayer, so small and true.
Love and light for children too.

God above, so kind and near,
Keep the children safe from fear.
Give them beds and skies so blue,
And let them laugh like others do.
Love in its fullness comes but twice: first, in the mirror of desire; second, in the ruin of illusion.
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