Thank you, but I have vowed
to accept the fact that luck is as good
a chance to take as grace,
no exchange, no earning luck, never was.

Good luck is only good, bad luck is a mistake,
a grasping at things that did occur,
to change
at sudden, certain, central points,
miss the aim as teleos is said to be a mistake,
the act of aiming
definite purpose, ala Napoleon hill, aim to ****,
train the brain to fear no death, not mine,
not the other guys,
I am the weapon,
possessed of the spirit of the bayoneted and bulleted,
points used to ****, flood the ******
Flanders fields, at that time of year, first the blade,
then the ear, then fields sing thanks and bloom
***** scarlet poppies… later in the spring

Aim at nothing, the mind
of the machine
gunner reacts, point and spray, if you pray,
I say,
pray for the man who takes careful aim,
and squeezes, knowing sudden
bang
budges not the aim aimed true and followed
through.

Machine gunner, pray for me.

This is the day of Romance and Passion,
But remember; we must always try to remember; its with Love from heart and soul?
That gives birth to True Love for lover's in life together,
That the True Red Rose Of Love is given to one another by true lover's in this way,
This is The Love; that is given from Heart and Soul itself,
You will find this is the True Love and this True Love will always be this,
True Love never dies and last's to eternity itself,
True Love never dies and last's to eternity itself,
True Love never dies and last's to eternity itself.

I shouldn’t be a mom

There’s no reason i should allow myself to bring children into this world
Children with the same problems that I have
How selfish of me to think and assume I deserve or am worthy of allowing myself to bring someone into this world with my issues?
The anxiety, the depression, the self deprecating thoughts

I wouldn’t be a good mom

How could I look into the eyes of my sons or daughters and know I brought them into this world to feel such immense pain?
What would give me the right to bring children into this hell full of negativity, poverty and intense drama?

I couldn’t be a good mom

How insanely asinine of me to think I should be projecting my problems into my spawn?
What part of my last twenty seven years of life would prompt me to believe I should feel the happiness and pride the mothers and fathers around me feel?


But what if all my honest, true, real self realization would make me the best mom ever?

He called me beautiful.
He called me strong.
He examined the scars on my heart and deemed them a worthy part of me.

When I learned to stand again,
I swore to walk on my own.
Now he promises to stand at my side and
Go wherever I may go.
Build a life with me.

What have I done to deserve this?
This kindness you offer asks no retribution.

more i understand
anger more i understand
compassion the true

I keep it closed and locked,
In an imaginary, leather binding,
With its many pages compressed,
So that memories far apart
Are easier to retrieve,
Like scooping pearls
and shells on the sand.
There are stories of great adventure,
Tiny incidents like crystals
Shivering in the sun.
Lovers I knew in ancient times
Sleep among the pages
But come to life as I read,
My eyes caressing them as
My hands once did their skin.
Colors of eyes and hair remembered
Leap to paint the air around me:
Yellow sunlight and bodies moving,
Both electric and languid
In tangled sheets or long grass
After passion passed.
Some flashed like fireworks,
But others burned long and slow,
Not ready to love, nor to let go.
Smiles across a playing field,
Surprise midnight visits on holidays,
Costumed for Halloween with tiny stars
That shimmered on the stairs next morning,
Or inebriate feasts on the Fourth of July,
Tanned in the water and soothed at night.
There are short liaisons with friends
And long affairs, living with lovers,
Imagining it lasting forever
And battling the serious and inane.
Thinking everything will say the same.
And underlining all these times
Is the solidity of just one true love.

Finished November 14, 2021

Am just a love letter to you
Am not the real thing.

My feelings for you are true but our worlds aren't the same.

In as much as i hate to admit  this
But its time I let u go.