There are days where the world makes me draw a blank, where nothing fits and all I do is think all ropes struck split-ended and torn no paths cross no links and certainly no endings. A trail begins and the hill drops down steeply low below my groans and moans of pain and distraught - I'm forced to appeal, to let them go. Jump! Jump! And I draw a blank.

Sometimes nothingness stares back at me; looming over me and my thoughts - overbearingly present consuming my mind until there's nothing left but this stark stinging sound scratching in my ear
I’m forced to itch an itch I can’t reach; unfulfilled and tense I’m annoyed and aggravated, in agony and anguish.

These days, which seem to last weeks, cut deep into the abyss of my memories;

who I was supposed to be. A dull glow of an image I traced in my mind steadily peering over my hollow body haunting all the squeaks and creaks of my joints.

I'm spooked by my naked brain bubbling pointless noise.

I lay lazily through my creepy trance as vines that held me tight debunk from my nerves. Painfully they un-tie my paralysis and I let my lungs pound the roof of my mouth with ghastly chokes of cursed air. Hours of mindless screeching.

I'm free!

My breath eases up
and my soul finally gets to explore
the deep universe I see
when closing my eyes.

Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't stop crying
Can't breathe
Can't live
Can't do dying
Can't write
Can't read
Can't scream aloud
Can't choose
Can't break
Can't shut down
Can't fly
Can't fall
Can't let them know
Can't speak
Can't stay
But still can't go

The wall without end,

without gates and hope, carries --


many illusions.

I've lost your voice.
The world has gone silent.
All I hear are endless
echos bouncing from the walls of my mind.
I only wish to hear it
One last time.

Trapped in my mind
A prison I can't escape
Unable to move
Can't speak
I see it and hear it all
But unable to respond
I see your tears as you cry
I hear your prayers at my bedside
But I am trapped in my mind
A prison I can't escape

Treble hook,
Trap my mouth,
Take me out of air.
Discard what you don’t like
There’s truly none to share

I also know why the caged bird sings.
He does so because the bars were forged in hatred,
and the whole world has turned into a simple room,
as when your eyesight only reaches the horizon,
and you can’t walk past it anymore, you forget
there was anything ahead of it. The caged bird sings
because he thinks he chirps the truth, yet they are lies,
propaganda repeated from who first captured him.
The caged bird sings because blindly repeating
what he once heard like a mindless parrot
gives him a fake sense of freedom,
even when his only prison is his own mind.

i love both my parents
but i prefer spending time with just my dad

he lets me do what i want
he very rarely says no
he does threaten to beat me for looking at him funny
but we can move past that

my mom says no to nearly everything
she criticizes and nitpicks everything i do
she makes me feel like im constantly in the wrong
it's like i have no freedom when she's around

shows my priorities, huh?
that i'd much rather be beaten then trapped