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Sarah Flynn Nov 2020
my mother left,
and my father didn't want
the burden of replacing her.

and the man I met
when I was much younger
had those big brown eyes
and a Ted Bundy soul,
the perfect subject of
a true crime novel.

the pores on his skin held
flagpoles with red flags
masked beneath white fabric.

he was evil hidden behind
picket fences painted white.

he had pearly white teeth
and unsuspecting white skin
and a fancy white car
parked in the driveway
of his nice suburban house
with white shutters.

he was a clean, pure man
with no scuff marks visible
on his polished reputation.

he was so white
that no one could believe
there was such darkness
inside of him.

he replaced my father,
but not in the same way.



and my dyed hair and
tattooed skin and
teenage recklessness

****** piercings
and fishnet stockings
and dark makeup and
choker necklaces

masochistic tendencies
and nights spent in
small towns and strange beds

bottles of cheap *****
that were probably stolen
and the scent of marijuana
and all of that self-hatred

took the empty seat of
the girl I once was.



daddy issues replaced
my childhood innocence

and vibrators and little bags
of happiness in powder form
moved into the drawer
that my Polly Pocket dolls
once inhabited.

mascara-stained cheeks
and eyes red from crying
or cigarette smoke or drugs
or maybe all of the above
shoved their way into
the bathroom mirror,
replacing my reflection.

pessimism stood where
my hope should be.

panic attacks and **** kits
gave birth to trauma,
and trauma settled down
inside of my head.

guilt wedged its way
between my ribs

and the air in my lungs
was still there but
it didn't want to be

and something I still
haven't identified
closed my mouth
and taped it shut.

silence sank into the house
where the noise of laughter
and Spongebob episodes
had vanished long ago.



and somewhere between
my mother's disappearance
and my father's anger and

meeting a hollow body
of a man filled with
shame and secrets

and that first cut on my skin,
now raised and scarred,

and the phone call
that told me my
best friend had died

and another man
entering my body
without my permission,

I was hit with the
realization that my life
was stolen from me.



somewhere along the way,
I lost myself

and I don't like the
person who replaced me.
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2020
Us?
I created you with my art,

you immortalized me on your canvas,


channelising our broken hearts

to pour out the story of "us"


you dusted my shards

on the paintings you made;


I wrote you down on my cards

wording you in my shades,


we found each other

when we lost ourselves,


we are two books kept together

that belong to different shelves.
Apple juice Nov 2020
The pains in my belly
Are almost comforting.
Something’s inside down there and you’re creating it.
can you feel her?
She’s in there
Waiting for me,
Waiting for mommy to make up her mind, Waiting for me to use my sense, Waiting for me by handing me the opportunity not to be useless.
Oh baby..
I’m sorry daddy just isn’t happy..
I want you to know that
Mommy just isn’t ready
And mommy would never place a lifetime of harm upon you.
You are the design combined of everything I’ve wanted
and everything I’ve loved.
You’re what I always wanted.
I just can’t bare to give you up...
Mommy will be with you in another life...
a safe place for us to play.
a safe place for you to grow.
I’ll be ready then.
I love you my all
Until we meet again my bean
~ sincerely, a pregnant teen
Such a decision no not based on pride but empathy and reason for another number in our horrid foster system.
June13 Nov 2020
Poetry is a feelings
Poetry is words
Poetry is the ink
The only that you can write
The only that you can put together
Only when it falls into you
In each Love&Tragedy
In both Love&Tragedy
Jeanmarie Nov 2020
Boy so young,
Had his life in his hands
With the plans of playing soccer in college
Just one accident took that all away
His friends stayed by his bedside
Getting ready to say their final goodbyes.

They stay,
So he won’t be lonely
They sit and start desperately praying
That he will pull through
And this life won’t end so shortly.

They’re men.
“Tough guys.”
So they refuse to show their tears
Behind their shocked.
Broken. Hearts.
Their minds are left
Racing with thoughts,

Boy so young,
Had his whole life in his hands
With plans for his future,
Just one accident took that all away.
Life is truly only a temporary state.

All we can do now is pray.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
I hear the inner critic shout loudly in my head
It is here and cloaked in violent shades of red
Hating my heart with all I can muster
Even my demons are faint and lackluster
If nothing can change life but me
Save me from the tragedy I will be
Because at this rate I'll probably be dead by the time I hit 40
Tragedy broke Love's heart
And Loneliness was born
Sarah Flynn Nov 2020
we were fourteen kids.
there were enough of us
to fill a classroom,
but we rarely went to school.
we learned what
we needed to know
from the streets.
school was pointless.
multiplication and cursive
wouldn't keep us alive.

one of us was almost sixteen,
in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
he got mistaken for
someone else, and he was
stabbed over and over
and over and over again.
we were thirteen kids.

two of us were nineteen
and almost twenty,
walking down a block
that wasn't ours.
we heard the shots
from our street
a few blocks over.
we were eleven kids.

one of us was thirteen
and on our block
where she thought
she would be safe.
she was pulled into an alley
and hurt in the worst ways.
she found out
she was pregnant
a few weeks after.
we didn't hear the gunshot
when she took her own life,
but we all knew she was gone.
we were ten kids.

one of us saw his brother
gunned down in
broad daylight.
he couldn't stop
replaying the scene
in the back of his mind.
he grabbed a Glock 19,
and he took the lives
of four kids from
the other side of town.
he disappeared that night
into the glow of
blue and red lights.
he rotted away in a cell.
we were nine kids.

one of us was a hero.
he pulled a woman
out of a burning car
and lost his life
in the process.
the newspapers refused
to show his story
when they heard
what neighborhood
he came from.
he died a hero, but
he would never be seen
as anything but a villain.
we were eight kids.

five of us lost so much
that eventually we had
nothing left to lose.
the gang life called,
and five of us answered.
we knew that
they couldn't be saved.
these streets don't
give people back.
and they'll take you,
dead or alive.
we were three kids.

one of us was twenty
and he thought that
he would make it out
of here, onto better things.
he was making dinner
for his younger sisters,
two beautiful little girls.
a stray bullet burst
through the window
and took him down.
the last thing he saw
was those two little girls
who he loved more
than you could ever imagine.
he was their older brother
and their parent and
their best friend, all at once.
they watched him fall
and never get back up.
we were two kids.

one of us made it.
she grew up, and she
moved far away from
our old neighborhood.
but those memories and
those losses and that pain
never left her mind.
she turned to pills
and then to needles,
and one day, she
took a little too much.
I was one kid.

I am one kid, now grown,
with thirteen dead friends.
I am a survivor, but that
isn't something to celebrate.
I shouldn't be a survivor
because none of this
should've ever happened.
we should still be fourteen kids.
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