God, what I would give for one more moment with your lips pressed against mine, your hands running down my spine, but the thought feels so sickening. A sickeningly sticky sweet fantasy.
Every waking moment is a reminder of your departure.
I still see you in the window, the wind blowing the curtains behind you, your silhouette perfectly outlined by the morning sun. The scent of your perfume still lingers throughout the house, as if you had only just left for work. You should have quit working there a long time ago; they didn’t treat you right, so why did you feel that you just had to keep smiling and put up with it?
But nights are the hardest. I can’t stop hearing your laughter as I try to sleep, but the bed is so cold without your warmth. My dreams are plagued by your face, but even so, I’ve noticed it’s begun to fade, so much so that I feel I can only see you in the pictures that hang on our walls.
I can’t keep from wondering what those final moments were like for you. Did you think of me or did it go dark in an instant, quick and painless? Why does he get to keep on living when you don’t? He is the one who messed up, so why did you have to pay for his mistakes? But he walked away, so intoxicated that he had no true grasp of the situation, yet neither did I. Would I have known, I wouldn’t have…
It doesn’t matter, not anymore.
You were the one shining light in my life to live for, but now that you’re gone, I’m left without a reason to keep going. But, I have a plan to see you again. After all, I have nothing I’d regret leaving behind. I know what you’d say about it, but let me have this one selfish wish; this is the only thing left that matters to me.
See you soon, my love.
I wrote the first draft at Culver’s?!?
