Over the crack in the pavement I walk, four more steps, again.
Carefully scanning every familiar environment for threats; they are all around me.
Devils inside whisper gruesome thoughts that poison my mind and fray my nerves.
Insecurities plague my body, demanding to be acknowledged and obeyed.
Scratches appear on my arms; deep trenches from last night’s terrors.
Maybe I forgot to vacuum… or check for locked doors…
Yelling erupts inside my head, I need to go back to reassure these persistent voices.
Moving towards the wall, I give four taps; this will silence them for now.
Overwhelmed again, this time my mouth starts to count aloud: one, two, three, four; an endless loop.
Needless washing all day- dry, aching hands scrub again and again, then reach for more soap.
Sacrifices are made faithfully, I lose more of my passions and friends as this hellish nightmare continues.
Time flies as I organize… three hours to make the bed and straighten the lines on my uneven comforter.
Every routine is completed to agonizing perfection; all are followed until the next day when I
Repeat.
