there's one date I don't freaking celebrate
and even sort of hate
to perceive a certain day of a certain month
every year as a birthday?
frig it, no **** way; there is only one
such day, & mine is a lot behind
that date is just a bitter reminder, do not be blind
with every next year after an actual birthday
it's more & more just a "becoming old" day
that's to keep in mind
you, of course, are free to treat these lines
as some pessimistic whine
but don't think that thinking the way I do isn't right
as it isn't about "right/not right"
it's about point of view
after all, you have your own, don't you?

somewhere out in the world, somebody’s child is dying –
we all should be crying, but being miles apart, you right
now could be smiling – knowing not a thing

life is often tragedy; in other times it’s the happier times
to make us smile. we are a billion diamonds reflecting
each other lights – we hope to live, we all know we’ll
die, some hope for peace, still we fight within this life
to try and survive  

we do our best to dream, even when sleep has other plans
so for some, they re-enact the scenes from dreams to make
them seem real. though the past is gone, some of the memories
of it don’t make a retreat; some hope for peace, still we fight
within this life to try and survive  
                seems we’ve always been bred to fight.

a heart dares itself to be in charge – heavy as lead
a mind so lost in depths of the mundane, man’s greatest
and heaviest sigh is knowing tomorrow is, “Monday”

the perennial and annihilating thirst of this flesh;
funny how the power of creation is another man’s
addiction – one who multiplies life, the other just makes
an addition to their means of only finding, “friction”

some days I pray for angels to bear the weight on
my shoulders, the demons sit on top of my head –
all-knowing silence; the darkness smiles at your
shame, but who really knows what to look for in
the dark?

         …I only pray you see yourself in a better light

The first thing in the morning,
Then as thoughts during the day,
As daydreams,
Then as dreams at night,
You never stop plaguing my thoughts.
Sometimes I allow myself to enjoy something
but when my consciousness returns,
You are there as thoughts
It’s not the thoughts that bother me so much
It’s the feeling of emptiness that follows
It’s this emptiness that I dread.
These thoughts come in waves.
The first time it hits me, I fall
But I rise back.
Then it comes a second
A third and then a fourth time
And I stop trying to get up.
That’s when I let it all wash over me
That’s when I realize I am really powerless
That’s when I wish I could freeze my thoughts.

the silence of your shadow is louder when you don’t watch it –
as the memory of someone in your mind, is just a fictional
character of them. this life: walking on the thin lines of what the
eyes have seen; the unseen waits for us at the great beyond.

the narrative of love still waits on loads of blank spaces –
empty smiles towards pretty faces. but until we find the one
that helps us smile in true depth, the ones we meet are truly
just strangers in the end.

and the days love to dash in sands of time – for no one really
has all the time in the world to live out a thousand lifetimes.
still, we’ve lived a thousand experiences of a thousand lives
in this one life. living as bodies, connected by familiar tears,
stranded or motivated by fears, the highs given by the touch
of two skins, we live as bodies, die from our bodies and will
live on as spirits in the end.

                                   and to that end, the end of this poem.

bury me alive, and let's just pretend it wasn't suicide
oh, you don't like me, well so do I — there's this ugly version
of myself that I can't deny, so to every girl I date, I always
pray you'll find a better guy

still, I fell in love with the rhythm of your eyes,
cos you always seem to view me as a better guy. to my
surprise, you give me reason to stay alive

but I always tell you not to read too deeply
on some of the things I say. darling I'm only human —
sometimes I make spelling errors, still was it a spell that
you fell in love with me?

      your purpose is love,
                 and I'll protect it with my life.

rental cars – parked away ideals across the street; had a bite of the
sweetest dream, but must have chipped a few teeth. backwash waters;
just a taste of love – most of it stayed in the bottle, still I enjoyed that
little sip.

rental cars – parked a little too close to the darkness, under a
billboard sign that gave directions to the light. by day I’m all that the
world’s eyes believe of me; the genius of one’s destiny only revealed
by prayers late at night. but maybe I’m preying more than praying –
believing in all the wrong, hoping to come up with something right.

rental cars – sometimes I feel like I’m on this journey of life with so
many borrowed things, paid for dreams, passenger fears – sticky
gears, imbalanced wheels, a rusty engine, and an unfair lease
agreement, that I pray will expire long before the next few years.

maybe good people do exist –
maybe we fail to see the good in people
maybe we fail to see the good in ourselves.

It's not that humans are inherently evil, it's more like that each & every person, even the most virtuous one, has the potential of backsliding into being evil. Take a look into your mind's corrupt part. What is it that you really desire or get thrilled by? Imagine: regularly having entertainments & pleasures of whatever types you dig; having a wealth amounting to hundreds millions (or even billions) of dollars at your disposal; being in the position of giving requests & orders, having those around you who'd obediently satisfy them, having loyalists who'd put those disobeying or rebelling in their place by either legal means or forcible ones; being in the position of projecting & enforcing your will, views, ideas upon masses.

Imagined? Now say neither of the mentioned sounds tempting to you, that you aren't interested in any of such stuff. I wouldn't believe a person rejecting those temptations wholly [holy] or claiming they aren't interested in any of those. Such a person is either an ashamed liar or out of their mind. I, as well as some other individuals thinking alike, believe each & every human is corruptible, hence, keeping in mind that appetite comes during the consumption process, each & everyone has the potential of turning into an archvillain, under circumstances being favorable to that, of course.
————————————————————————————————
Не то чтобы люди злы по своей природе, скорее каждый без исключения человек, даже самый добродетельный, имеет потенциал скатиться до злого. Загляните в порочную часть своего сознания. Что это, что вы действительно желаете или что приводит вас в восторг? Представьте: регулярное наличие развлечений и удовольствий любых нравящихся вам типов; наличие богатства, составляющего сотни миллионов (или же и вовсе миллиарды) долларов, в вашем распоряжении; пребывание в позиции, чтобы отдавать запросы и приказы, наличие вокруг вас тех, кто покорно удовлетворит оные, наличие лоялистов, что поставят неповинующихся или же бунтующих на место либо законными средствами, либо силовыми; пребывание в позиции, чтобы проецировать и насаждать свои волю, взгляды, идеи массам.

Представили? А теперь скажите, что ничего из упомянутого не звучит соблазнительно для вас, что вы не заинтересованы ни в чём из подобного. Я бы не поверил человеку, отвергающему оные соблазны полностью или же утверждающему, что не заинтересован ни в чём из оного. Такой человек есть либо стыдящийся лжец, либо безумец. Я, как и другие похоже мыслящие люди, убеждён, что каждый без исключения человек подвержен моральному разложению, следовательно, помня, что аппетит приходит в ходе процесса потребления, каждый без исключения имеет потенциал, чтобы превратиться в архизлодея, при способствующих оному обстоятельствах, разумеется.