Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I feel.
As though I am the dreamer.  The creator of this light wheel.
The feeling comes to me at times. Am I truly alone.
Is everyone around me truly in a different zone.
Its then I separate me from them.  And I hear and see the calls..
No longer am I trapped in these walls.
Signals of light. Echoes and transmissions.    
Strange memories I start to envision.
But only for a moment, Only for a fraction.
The reminders come to be and I lose this reaction.
So I drive on home and forget it about it all.
At least until I remember again, inside of these walls.

Did anybody tell you 'bout them Bourbon blues,
When you're walkin' in the gutter,
Where they guess 'bout your shoes,
When you ain't got no hope,
The greasy Easy isn't fair,
The only sunny side
Is that you haven't got a prayer,

When you done ****** it all away,
When you don't have another cent,
Your too old to be pitied,
And your strut has long since leant...
Ain't no more - bright ideas - left to come?

Oh, the sultry morning due
Makes your damp clothes cling to you,
And the only thing you want
Is to find a place to lay...
You rack your mem'ry hard
To see which way to move your feet,
Cause you used up - your last -
Free mission day...

You need a hustle, boy,
Because the day is at an end,
Your feet are bleeding badly,
And you haven't got a friend
Who can get you an overnight
At the Jesus Do-Right Inn...

Got to keep a-moving,
You are one-hundred sixteen thin,
You know they're looking,
But  your not quite ready
To turn your sorry *** in,
Well, you know, that really is when...

You're in a ******-up - state of - mind~

People always say they say so,
People always say they won't approve,
People always say they don't give a ****,
People always say they mean the world.

Who the hell are they?
Who the hell are the people?

Maybe it's the cool kids?
Maybe it's they wise fossils?
Maybe it's the social media?
Maybe it's the parents
Or the older siblings?

Why not call them by their names?
Why not call them by their statuses?
- The fossils, cool kids, siblings, parents, social media?

Why listen to them,
When you've got your own voice?
Why listen to them,
When you know you've got your own choice?
Why listen to them,
If you know the right from the wrong?
Why listen to them,
If you know you can say something better?

Why listen to them?
They make it all up as they go along,
Why can't you?
They heard it from someone else,
Don't be the third person to follow a mistake.
- And please no, don't listen to your heart,
You'll get blood all over you.
Think logically,
That's why you got a brain!

I want to tell them that
I miss them
when they aren't here

I want to cry
I want to laugh
with them

I want to be there
when they need me
and I hope they'll be there too
when I need them

They said it wouldn't make a difference
I never believed them.
But I tried.
I tried to, with another.
He didn't want what I wanted.

They said it wouldn't make a difference.
They said it was something everyone does.
No one understood that it was special to me.
Maybe they really did.
Maybe they didn't care.
So maybe when I tried and it went wrong no one would care  

They said it wouldn't make a difference.
If I was with another, it wouldn't hurt him.
He didn't have to know.
Yet I told him first.
I thought maybe he would care that I was hurt.
He held me like no one else could.

They say it wouldn't make a difference.
If he cared or not, he still had his own.
She wasn't leaving.
He didn't want her too.
He didn't care for me, only himself.
I don't know if I can believe them.
Because they said it wouldn't make a difference. But it did.

Pick yourself up.
every single one of them may stare,
They may haunt you every single ******* night,
because you can't shake the glaring eyes,
there those that you can't escape.
But know,
You maybe on the bottom,
Feeding so much that you're fed up with this ****.
but,
you're not the one who's a bottom feeder.
Feeding off of others and their failures.

No.

You're better,
Better enough to try,
and you're gonna try to be your best.
and not give a **** about the rest.
and if you can't simply try.
you're going to end up like them.
and there not worth anything like you.

"don't expect to not get disappointed,"
they said.

i didn't expect you to hurt me
no, not
the same way you know i already have been before

that's what blinded me
but had my eardrums alert
adverting its attention
to my slowly cracking heart

it wasn't that you hurt me
that hurt the most
it was how you did
while knowing,
how you were doing it,
all while promising
"i wouldn't ever"
turns out you would
turns out you are
like them
like all the others
and
dare i say it,
like him.

'Cause if you love someone
You love everything about them.


F.Z.**N

How can they look at me, when I don't even want to look at my own reflection?

How can they listen to me, when I can't even take hearing my hideous voice?

How can they accept my flaws, when I can't even deal with mine?

How can they be happy for me, when I can't even be glad for my own sake?
  
How can they love  me, when I can't even love my own self?