10 miles 'til empty
And I am almost there,
Been driving all night
To get to Nowhere.
Throughout the night
I've been left with my thoughts,
Focusing on the end
So I don't get lost.

     5 miles 'til empty
     And my journey's almost done.
     The new beginning
     is on the horizon.
     I packed up my life
     To see what's in store
     Because the old me
     Desperately wanted more.

            2 miles 'til empty
            And my heart is racing fast
            Because of my tank
            And all that has passed.
            Will this life be better?
            Will it keep me satisfied?
            I will only know
            At the end of this ride.

                    0 miles 'til empty
                   And I am now here,
                   Alone in this place
                   With only my fear.
                   In this isolation
                   I realize the truth
                   That I really did love
                   the life of my youth.

                              my heart is empty,
                              it's all my fault.
                              my rebirthing journey
                              has come to a halt.
                              i don’t want to be here.
                              i wish i never came.
                              i want to go back
                              to when things were the same.

                                             My tank is empty
                                             But my hope is not.
                                             I’ll head straight back
                                             With only my thoughts.
                                             Each step I take
                                             Is one step closer
                                             To getting off
                                             This roller coaster.

10,000 miles ‘til home
And I’m almost there,
I’ll walk through the night
To end this nightmare.
The distance is great
But this first step is a start
In returning back to
The home of my heart.

In Praise

In gratitude and thanksgiving we give you praise
Wisdom and blessings on the one who prays
We honor you the Most High God
We dance and sing you give you laud
We celebrate what we have received
Your life your very presence in us we believed
In the Eucharist our thanksgiving
Font of life and hope for the living
Your justice and mercy we extol
And in your loving arms you will console
Those who mourn and the pushed aside
Their cries are heard and their pleas are not denied
Your Love is boundless and Your grace abounds
As I get closer my heart now pounds
It beats so strong with life and vigor
You are radioactive and my heart gets even bigger
I love to love and i try to love like you
And your Love is the strongest glue
In gratitude for all the blessings and gifts
I come back to you with a song on my lips
There is a fire in my heart that will not die or dim
Because it was put there by none other than Him
Take Lord, all that we have to give
Multiply it and show us how to truly live
To serve not only our neighbor but even our foes
Treating all with care and respect for we are like the rose
Beautiful and sweet but be warned
If not handled right we may feel the thorns
We thank you God for the earth and all you have made
And still you know every hair on our head and every grass blade
And for your creation: a masterpiece and work of art
That we should love you with all our mind and soul and heart

Roam phantoms
of my little
lost self,
Playing, running
around the apple trees

Happy is
the laughter
of my twin sister

Through the kitchen
window Mom fixes
dinner

Her smile bastes
the turkey
for Thanksgiving

Roam phantoms
of my little
lost self,
Playing, running
around the apple trees

Now
the fallen apples
rot on the ground

The backyard
of my past
is sullen wet
with leaves

dust cloud heavy
in an apricot sky
cottonwood mucker
under ambrose pale
whippet and shepherd
mill at the earth patch
yellow birch hangs
over red bench park

combine shavings
in crack rust brown
scissors chips fall
at the back stop
whiskey jack looters
sing patented chords
siblings (and 2 wheel enthusiasts!)
give thanks

joyous retrievers
master the criss cross
bare maples stand
at settlers way
barred owl and blue jay
whistle in the fore-wind
ghosts
and goblins
pull on the seeds

wind gusts belt
over the west gulch
a blood rush churns
in the chilling fall morn
hallowed grounds still
at the midday
quiet reflections
of the afghan
and hound

jumpers unite
at the oxbow
route runners bend
(on a sultry foray!)
meadows exposed
in the framework
ball parks empty
with pennants past

barrel dirt favors
the brew house
crimson and copper
find bracken ridge gate
harvest hands savor
the honey and hops
blankets of color
for a winter's hatch

brush fire kept
under steady peruse
bark bites fly
and embers glow
pine cones drop
from the timber tops
3 wick candles
grace the dinner place

shiver and ******
at the piper's call
cob web dew
on the shadowy gates
a chilled mist mellows
the season's return ~
poets and artists
and dreamers awake

A sea of ivy engulfs -- the house has grown comfortable in its plot
The specters are horrific even in victory
The door hangs heavy in hand
Idyllic -- I am a twisted tornado of hope  
We’ll scratch the pyrite off the laughter when we're  done

A conveyor belt --
Plate fork knife
Knife fork plate -- a hedonism of silverware
The shift and rise of the fear
Confident and full of splendor
Dancing on the edge of a dime between Cool hearted emptiness and the heated vitriol of truth
The dime continues its dance

Plate fork knife
Knife fork plate
We were here once long ago
A grandiose thought and a barren action
I was you once, once until the river flooded
I would be you again and that's a promise you told me
This maze outside our house is filled with friction and of our own design
Bolts and warped wood are the entry to our kingdom

Always entering the field of battle with stone in a field of steel
A warrior of words meant to leap the abyss between your joyous abuse and her scathing affection
Crumpled letters stapled to shields
Their words --
The hope they have is false -- the promises destined to go unfulfilled
The iron rises from the field and fills my mouth
It soaks and stains my smile
None of the enemy combatants can be trusted
There's blood on the table
There's blood on the table in all its grandest forms  




We're all in this separate reality of our own design
No one exists in here it's just us and that is the truly terrible part of it all
No one else wants to watch because we don't want them to

This is for us -- our amusement our self-hate our deep dive down into the mundane complacency of it all
This is ours -- our pain and sorrow and joy and false hope our faith -- our sit there smiling and laughing and talking about how your day was and who you are and how you have been. Remember that time when ... no, I don't remember and I never want to again because all of the laughs have been cheapened by your artful lies and the threat of your anger and the hulking shadow of your violence.

Accustomed to staring straight ahead, the color of your eyes the curves of your face I have forgotten them all. Your voice is mine and without it, I don't have one of my own.

So here is my great proclamation to a table of ghosts with shattered silverware and rotten delights.
I've tried and been true. Failure has come far more often than success and yet I celebrate you all. The wrong you have done has made me stronger. The right you have been having made me kinder. The hate in my heart will die and fade. And a man willing full of this world's wonder will remain.
And although....

Our imaginations have long since fled this land and all we are left with is our cold ****** selves and the fogged glass of our memories. We are one. We have shown up here in this world -- ready and willing to do and be something.  

Make no mistake we have all failed -- and maybe there lies the true miracle -- the true beauty behind all of this wretchedness that hurts so **** bad.

But then again, I excuse when there is no excuse to be had. I proclaim the guilty innocent and those that are innocent enough to stay by my side risk the cloud of my wrath.

And so maybe, maybe just this once I will fade off -- I have retired my horse and there are no sunsets left for me. In the best possible way, I hope to become the ether -- the nothingness that the universe has yet to put a name to.