gone too soon—
you have lived all your life
making others happy.

now that I think about it
what a selfless person you are
always putting others needs before yours

you believed in me
more than i ever believed in myself
you were the one
who pushed me to reach my full potential

i wouldn't be the person i am today
and still be the shy girl I used to be  
if I didn’t have you in my life

i thank you for everything
you’re in a good place now
and you will surely be missed.

Your love was orange
And I never really liked orange
Before I could see the bright floating fire
On the sea of your iris’
Orange was the color of forced smiles
Days of sun when the world needs a little rain
But when the sprinkle
Turns to storms
I see you
And you don’t run for cover
You run for me
And I can see my orange
My sunset heart
For the first time
And I could cry
All the velvets and rivers and fields
But all I want is orange

This isn't about front lines and deep mud,
it's not about sacrifice and bands of brotherhood.

It's not calling for silence or for national pride,
it's not about cenotaphs and those left behind.

No, this a thank you to one Ernest Page,
Gunner Sergeant, Royal Field Artillery, 182nd Brigade.

Thank you for ducking, thank you for dodging,
thank you for lasting, thank you for living.

Thanks for returning back home to Brockley.
Thanks for asking Gran and building a family.

Thank you for dad and for little Aunt Betty,
for Pam and for Pete and for cousins aplenty.

Thanks for Rose Cottage, for trips round the lake,
thanks for loud laughter and sleepy eyed late

mugs of hot chocolate and medeira cake slabs.
Thanks for my sisters, thanks again for my dad.

Thank you for surviving, and all that implies.
I owe you it all, I owe you this life.

I fall for you every time I see you.
Words could never do your beauty justice
You once told me that you’re so in love me with you don’t know what to do.
All I could think was to point out the obvious
I tried to play if off smooth and I kissed you right after saying how about this. We laughed after. But truly and honestly I can’t seem to find the words to describe your smile. Or the completeness I feel when looking in your eyes shows me understanding that I’ve never imagined. You don’t know the darkest side of me but I doubt it could effect they way you look at me. That way you look at me. Love that look is breathtaking my heart drops to my feet when you look at me like that. It’s not just the way you see me. I’ve never had someone that is as honest as you and can actually speak to me. The me that I don’t let others see is held in your hands. I should be transparent to a person like you, but you look into me not past and I think that’s beautiful because when our eyes me I can’t help but smile. I’m cheesy I know. I used to always think that being cheesy was so lame. But it has a beautiful truth behind the gestures. I’m gonna open the door for you. It’s lame I know but you come before anything with me because my heart says that it belongs to you. So to you my heart I will always follow. You asked me to write a letter to you instead of giving you something. I ended up getting you a hoodie so that when I’m not there I can still hug you. I could write a thousand letters but they’d never contain the right words. When we’re together this world falls away and the one thing I can focus on is you, my world. I don’t know why but every time we get together I can’t help but fall deeper in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you even though I know I’m gonna see you tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes fast enough. And time never moves slow enough when we’re together.

The crow bitterly caws
The dead man scratches at his noose with a paw
Death and destruction
Humanity's obstruction
Bleed out
The little one's they pout
My life in shambles
Pieces
D
  R
     I
        P
The cold it nips
My grave is tight
I can't see the light
Fire and brimstone
Hell is where I'll atone
My sins are numerous
My life was humorous
Cut my wrists
My life it twists
My hope leaves
My soul is cleaved
Eternal torment
Torture
To certain people my pain is a horticulture
To grow and nurture
To grow to sadness
To develop into madness
I've been destroyed
I've been toyed
I ache for death
To breathe my last breath
I long for the reaper
To take my soul and be it's keeper
Heaven or hell
Ring it's bell
Bury me beneath an oak
So no longer can I be prodded and poked
Belle I don't wanna upset you
I'm fine I mean it
But my pain was  a pit
And you were like a rope
And you gave me hope
For once I had someone who knew
Someone I could call a friend
Who could prevent my end
This poem is for you
And everything you did too
Thanks Belle
You saved me from a life of hell
So for you
I give thanks
Because now I don't have to yank on a rope
Because now I have hope
Suicide and homicide
No longer options
Nor is cyanide
Just a life where you exist
Both of us a pair of pessimists
Thank you

You told me that I played all my cards right
but what I played didn't compare to her,
and the house of cards you were building would soon ignite.

So I ask:

Alaina,
did you really ruin my life?
Or was I too blind to see that you had come to my rescue?
All this time I've despised you,
but it's as clear as day that it wasn't your fault.
And because you were the key to set me free,
he will suffer in agony knowing he'll no longer get the best of both worlds.

Thanks for all that you say
Night and Day
Nothing more do I have to pay
This friendship is what I have
So thank you
And that poem too
I needed that pick me up
To get back up
Its a dark time
For me right now
Nothings safe
My problems they strafe
I try to hit them away
But they dodge
One big Hodge bodge
But you were there
And you did Care
And so did I
So I didn't want you to die
Heres a line about pie
So I do love you
In a platonicall way
You helped me
Because of you
I now enjoy life too
Best buds
Society's duds
Quirky, and weebs
We peeps
And life plays for keeps
So keep this friendship going
Keep our minds peaceful like its snowing
Buds
Duds
Friends
To the bitter end

You made me happy,
now all I am is sad.

To ****?
That is quite the thrill.
To feed corpse to the grinding mill.
To hear the screams oh so shrill.
To swallow the cyanide pill
But just till...
IT DOESN'T MATTER
After all I'm as mad as a hatter