You held back with so much tension,
every time you laid a finger upon my skin,
and I never realized how much
you must've been fighting
your compulsions
to break through me.

The arrow endures
The bow string's tension
So that in the release
It can become
More than itself

Contorted like a torsion spring;
Tense, like a drawn bow string,
Like hell hath no greater fury to bring.
Energy, begging to be released;
Bearing the brunt of the mortal coil,
As the shuffling forth proceeds.
Brought to steam, a kettle about to boil,
Like a frying pan with too much oil.

Unable to stand down,
A stand-off of an existence;
The tables have turned, now,
Listen to the resistance’s insistence.

I feel like I can’t unwind,
Like life can be a party,
But I always leave my buzz behind.
Trying to find a place to fit,
A niche, a nook for the carving;
A hook for a song, a stitch in time,
Anything to feed a hungry soul,
To save myself from starving.

I can’t relax, nor lose my focus;
Pleasure is not happiness,
What you crave is probably bogus.
Distractions mean running away from reality;
Contraptions and lies,
Falsehoods draped in formality.
They say the flame that burns twice as bright,
Burns twice as quickly;
The hands that are twice as sleight,
Become twice as tired,
Twice as fragile and sickly.

Alas, I know that one day, I will lose my tempering.
I will become frail and exhausted,
Like a wanderer who’s lost his bearings.
My knees will become weak,
My arms will become heavy.
Time and the vicissitudes of fate -
They’ll swing by to collect their levy.

Let that day come.
Until then,
I shall march to the beat of my own drum.

All I could feel was red,
from the trees
that had roared
like flaming manticores,
                                                     ­ to the sky
                                     who had bled
                                                      its final dawn..


The veins in my head cut sharp corners
through my temples,
trying to break free from the prison
of my mind.
Steam emits itself
from my ears.
The amber tea was ready.
Lava erupted
from my face
and through my head.
I felt it ooze
                                    through my eyes
                    through my ears
                   Even through the corners of my mouth.


My demons stayed dormant
no longer.
My fist shook holding them,
my mouth relentlessly
sewn shut..
I bottled them like genies
and stored them
in a cellar.
                                                         Hot-blooded merlot
              and Foam-at-the-mouth pinot.

FLASH

"the exposure looks kinda funny"
"maybe just adjust the aperture a bit"
"add in the lighting"
"is the white balance set?"

the chair squeaks as it moves to the left
the weight shifts the couch in their direction
heat radiates from the family
whose fake smiles are nearly as blinding as the flash from the camera
despite the tripod, the camera sits off kilter
like the uneasy tension in the room
it feels hot--no, sweltering
unsettled emotions sit like
discarded mail
away and out of sight

CLICK

"Okay, we're good"

and the family heads off in their separate ways
with no goodbyes for the others

love today looks like
yoga right out of bed
and coffee.

...deep breathing,
with only that and this body in mind.
it looks like wanting,
wanting more for myself
wanting more of myself
wanting it all for myself
wanting everything I deserve that makes me more than myself.
...wanting myself.

working though this tension
and realizing this pain is trying to tell me something.
my body has been communicating and it has taken me 27 years to become intelligent enough to listen.