Since I saw you,
I've had this hope live in me.
That everything that isn't needed be gone.
The details of sales papers, shopping carts.
The ease of temptation.
Standing still.
To fill my cart full of things I don't need.
Coffee rings, free samples.
The debris of reality.
Strings and paper slings around baked goods.
Shopping around facedown.
Pushing the cart row after row.
The things on sale.
The pings of the register.
Splints that aren't necessarily the object we've come face to face with.
Jamaican ***.
Our fingerprints used in vain
The residue from coffee pots and things we've touched.
Bottled, sealed tight.
Fresh water springs.
Still we pursue.
I pursue.
Your carefree sensibility.
I've walked every row in search.
Where have you gone,
Withdrawn

"Should have known it was contagious like a sickness.
But I'm not sure if I want the vaccination for this.
Do I suffer from it like Hell? Do I try to rid it and get well?
All it took was a inhale of scent. Paralyzed.
All it took was a taste. Sterilized.
All it did was drop me to the floor. Flatlined.
All I did was beg for more after I would die..
Infected High. "

Love is, fools may say,
As a warm, softened kitten,
Mewing pitifully.
Gods-men may say it is the snake,
Poised venomously in the tree of knowledge,
Tempting gleefully into sin.
Some say it is a peacock,
Strutting high upon its perch,
But running away at the drop of a pin.
I say it is the owl,
Flying above on wings of terror,
And its glowing eyes turn to the grass,
To swoop down and
devour
that
***.

Some days sobriety is easy
I can feel the strength I carry in me
Bare my scarred arms for all to see
Happy with who I am turning out to be
Resilient in the face of adversity
Thanks to peace of mind and clarity
I'm staying busy; like a bumblebee
Filling my time with things that bring me glee
Like my boyfriend, close friends, and family
Along with plenty of activities
Like exercise and my favorite hobby
Turning my thoughts into poetry
I find confidence in a cup of tea
Every day I gain more energy
I even get up and do chores frequently
My hair and makeup I attend to daily
I've unlocked the door to joy; love is the key
At last my spirit feels weightless and free

HOOK:
I love how the sky looks when it's blue
But it is just as pretty grey and cloudy too
Abstinence is a crooked path, hard to navigate
The road to recovery is beautiful but seldom straight

Other days are really hard
Wake up to a sky black and dark
No light can be seen, not one star
My resolve starts breaking, shard by shard
When I can barely lift my head
Much less drag myself out of bed
And the rain outside seems to have no end
That's when I feel the urge to use again
Disappointed, let down by ones who are close
Alone when I need comfort the most
Thoughts spin in circles, craving a dose,
World crashing down, I almost
Give into the shadows and do something gross
Thinking "How much dope do I need to overdose?"
Even break down and pick up my phone
Start to dial a number that to me is well known
I deleted it but it's still in my mind
Guess I couldn't leave all my past behind
But before I complete the call
I picture my mom's face and I fall
Onto my knees, weakly I crawl
Until I am against the wall
I sob and choke on tears as I bawl
Curled up into a pathetic ball
Then I decide today will not be the day
I text my old dealer "I'm on the way."
I won't give in or go astray
If I can push through this i will be okay
I'm strong enough to stay clean at least I am today
Determined to keep walking the right pathway
And manifest the positive words I say
Impulses I'm no longer compelled to obey
See my strength and hang their heads in dismay
I evict my urges, now they have no place to stay

HOOK

Some days my steps are filled with laughter and gain
Other days the path teems with temptation and pain
The walk will get bumpy but in sunshine and in rain
I'll keep making progress no matter how rough the terrain.

A moth drawing near towards the flame
The fire attracts her seamless wings
She goes, she flies, without a hint of shame

"Beautiful things must be known," she said
But beautiful things can leave you in dread

Still she comes close
Closer to that enticing, dancing flame

Flies behind
And back and forth

She moves her wings to fill enough gap
To feel the heat, and the warmth
Yet safe from that vicious sap

i find it hard to let you know
what is really going through my mind
because words tend to stay locked
behind a wall of confusion
and the looks you give me
only reflect the sadly truthful words
you had said not too long ago,
blinding anything i’ve ever wanted
to give to you
and leaving behind only a shadow
hiding away the limp thoughts
i regret not saying sooner

but there is still this hollow feeling i get
that begs for recognition in the midst
of moving on
that makes falling seem just so right
again

because when you ask me if i love you,
i only wish i had the courage to say
“you make it hard for me not to.”

A reflection of me
Enduring temptation
I can only see
Dissatisfaction

The bold eyes scans
Every part of my body
While my expressions tense
To run away from everybody

***** looks, licks my nerves
A burning sensation amidst
Few hands brush my curves
They can't really seem to resist

What are they looking for in me
That makes them drool and melt
How can I not feel and see
What they have actually felt

In a corner, a mirror stands
I step to see, myself pose
Blown lose, curly strands
A hand appeared with a rose...


©sim