teenage girls
taste of bitterness and malice.
of a desire to be liked by those
they punish in private words.
they believe
everyone lives to please
or ruin them.
the golden sun may shine in their eyes
but their hearts are shrunk and black as coal.
if looks could speak,
two piercingly beautiful eyes,
the colour of the sunset over a stormy sea,
would say your self-preservation is bad for their self-service.  
they cast their judgements like waves on a windy day.
cascading over serene shores and making you
never
want to wear those shorts again.

i have no good words for teenage girls.
i wish for all i am worth
that i was not cursed to be one of them.

Walking into the building:
Cold parking lot,
****** music blaring from that lifted truck,
People honking;

Glass doors,
Short, insufficient eye contact,
"Good morning!" from the lady who guards the door
With a laptop and a forced smile;

Quick strides,
A pinball-like dance,
Yelling, screaming, arguing, sometimes fighting,
Fake greetings and meaningful silences;

A tiny bubble of social-media-manufactured society,
Without the trials and tribulations
That make one human
Or the experience that makes one sensible;

I can't ******* wait to graduate.

Golden on the tip of my tongue.
Still summer.
We are golden in the slow of time- rolling of the hip.
I love you too much. You and your slow moments.
Hot windows croaking birds 74 degrees and no wind.
**** on our pants, on our breath, in your hair.

Sweat on eyebrows, slick on our skin burning the car as smoke fills our lungs. Earthy tastes and red eyes.

I miss you, I miss you so much

A long time ago, I used to stare into the sky.
Watching with amazement,
breathtaking glory.
That was until you happened.

I felt a fluttery feeling in my stomach
every time we talked.
I began to realize this feeling.
It's what they called
love.

We were young and dumb.
Hopeless adventures.
I used to think,
maybe,
"does she love me back?".
We could talk for hours
and never tire.

Suddenly,
hours seemed like only seconds.
Every moment we couldn't be
together
was a living hell.

I became too invested
in you.
I abandoned my health.
Sleep didn't matter
anymore.
I'd lay awake until you would respond.
Messaging until the new morning.

I started to worry about how you thought
about my looks.
I parted my hair differently.
You saw it, smiled, and said,
"You made my day brighter."
I was foolish.
I thought you loved me.

Various unfinished artworks.
Too afraid to give you my confession.
I remained quiet
but somehow
you already knew
and said nothing.

Until that fateful day
my dad forbade me.
I couldn't spend time with you anymore.
Only in school.
That was all.

I grew depressed,
started prying open my skin.
Wanted to feel pain.
Wanted to feel "alive".
I quit after my mom saw the first scar.
You knew
but said nothing.

I told you about
my restriction
on seeing you.
Next weekend,
I am brushed off like
A broken toy.
Once used, now boring.

You brought someone else.
I was shattered.
I sunk further
into this endless void.

Eventually, my sexuality got leaked.
You were hesitant around me.
Nothing was the same.
Nothing.

You knew
everything.

I decided to end it all
right there.
11:34 p.m.
I sent you a text.
Waited for a response
with tear-stained cheeks.

You knew
everything.

You told me those words.
You saved my life.
A week later,
you had the other person over again.

I throw away all the art.
Everything I poured my heart
into.

I sink deeper.
You never loved me.
I knew that
but said
nothing.

Here we are
once again.
I pull back my sleeves.
That red spot on my wrist
it looks like a burn,
except it was pencil.
Scratch.

It reminds me of the night sky.
This mark is my
star.