Taken for a ****!

So I was dumb
Naive and young
A spliff in the park
After school
In the dark

1990's just innocent teens
We giggled,  had fun
That's where it begun.
My girls and I, we
fancied these boys.
They invited us to
To meet them.
So we went along.

Puff-puff-give, and
Traffic lights.
Thrilling blowbacks
And a kiss on the sly!
We played on the swings
Did childish things.

We danced about
Free at heart
singing along  
To top 40 songs  
Recorded on cassette
played on a
Sony walkman

i didn't think i'd miss you as much as i do now.
i was just making a playlist and every song reminded me of you.
i started to think about the days that we spent on my bedroom floor.
heads touching,
we reached our hands to the ceiling and it was like every day leading up to This point was supposed to happen.
i was meant to be here,
with you.
the sunlight from my window hit our faces as it went down and
once again, our fingers found themselves to be intertwined.

They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they got methods of keepin' you clean
They gonna rip up your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the ****** machine
They said all
Teenagers scare
The living **** out of me
They could care less
As long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did
They said all
Teenagers scare
The living **** out of me
They could care less
As long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
Oh yeah
They said all
Teenagers scare
The living **** out of me
They could care less
As long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
All together now
Teenagers scare
The living **** out of me
They could care less
As long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
Teenagers scare
The living **** out of me
They could care less
As long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me

I’ve been so depressing
I’m making people worried
I’m merely expressing
And people don’t agree with what I’ve perceived

I’m seeing forgotten backpacks in the streets
And nooses being sold for a $1 each
But people don’t see the teens committing these deeds
They only ever see what’s on their feed

Listen, I’m just a teen, it’s true
I’ve got a backpack just like you
But I’ve been seeing the clues
And I’m not in line with letting kids die blue

I’m telling you, everyone’s gone blind
And you need to open your eyes
It’s time to be revived
So rise

It’s time to wake up

i sometimes joke that i'm going to win the lottery & use the money to spoil my cats,
but, realistically, i would use the money to buy a gym membership & a month-after-month-long supply of protein shakes
so that i could be skinny.

mother frowns at stick thin girls;
i'm not sure if it is the size zero that worries her lip, or my longing,
or that she does not understand the comfort in emptiness.

look—
this world is ugly,
but others are perhaps uglier.
when all is broken, at least i shall have my hunger

what is it that keeps you whole?
i want to kiss something beautiful,
& hold it between my lips forever.

We are the teens who jump to conclusions who smash beer in the street, walk fast and try to soothe ourselves with ***** water

We are the teens who cry for a song feeling alone but surrounded by people
Who replace hurt with *** and hide our pain by waiting until maybe finally something good happens

We are the teens who go home every day and miss everyone who made our life worth living

We are the loud *** teens who smoke and drink and get 100s on tests and love themselves and are happy about it

We are the teens who get gelato and are homies with our host families and jump in with our clothes on

We are the teens who look at the waves and the height and think the wind blowing is beautiful

We are the teens who overuse the word love because we lack it in our lives

We are the teens who have to give it to each other because maybe not everyone loves us the way we want them to

Maybe that’s why we don’t love the people who want us to

Have you ever heard that the waves sometimes can pull you right back to the sea?
Right, that's you.
You're the wave
that keeps pulling me back
to the memories that we had.

The ache in my stomach motivates me to keep going
The steadily decreasing number on the scale makes the hunger pains and sleepless nights, the bruises on my vertebrae

I slip up
I cry
The walls close in

The cycle starts again