A friend.
by definition:
one whom has a bond of mutual affection.
By personal finding:
one whom is trusted in all confiding.

What if...
the trust is shattered and broken,
or the affection is no longer mutual?
the friendship is no longer perpetual.

Did I do something wrong?
Probably.
Will you forgive me?
possibly.
Did I make you feel strong?
Definitely...
not.

I am a terrible friend...
I am annoying,
I am loud,
I am frustrating,
I am rude,
I am inconsiderate,
I am a bad friend.

But that doesn't mean that I am lying when I say "I am here for you."

I am not angry at you for saying that I don't care about you,
I am not angry that you told me to get out of your life,
I am not angry that you think I'm not there for you.
I am sad that you didn't share your strife.

Sorry is not the right word for what I want to say,
but I have never been good at english okay?
I am not a literary genius so in my dismay,
accept my sorry is all that I pray.

I've been reflecting a lot on life recently;
And I never got to thank you.
I also never got to tell you that you were right.
I did find a life partner and he loves me a lot, and I love him.
I got a pet with them and we shared a home.
I don't hurt myself anymore,
And most days I feel alive,
And I feel happy.
I've been thinking about how I got here,
And how hard it's been for me to recover.
But even through the darkest of times, you were there;
And I know that you're still here regardless of how often we speak to each other.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for believing for me when I couldn't.
Thank you for letting me share my deepest, darkest secrets and for sharing yours with me.
I'm so glad you talked to me on that day in April many years ago.
I miss our Skype calls,
And when you would play jokes on me.
I miss staying up for hours and losing sleep just to talk to you,
And when you would show me the beautiful art you created.
I'm sorry I got distant.
I wish I could go back in time.
Change some of the things I did.
You are so beautiful.
Every time I see a post of yours, I can't help but smile.
You've overcome and accomplished so much.
I'm so proud of you.
And every time I look back on that part of my life, it's always you that I think about.
You were the one who helped me fight.
You were the one who made me feel like I could achieve anything.
We made it.

The comforting warmth of a crowd
Never fails to amaze
Food and friends and *****
What more could a girl ask for

"Sexuality!" Somebody cries
And we groan
But we talk and talk anyway
We explore ourselves
Touch-starved children
Rejected by brothers and lovers
The pretty and the beloved of the world
So we reach out to each other
Curl into each other's affection
For we have so much love to give
And this-
this is the only place where we know
We can give it freely
For others will take
Take
Take
Until we are bled dry.

I hear of teenage parties
As if they are mythology
Of people hooking up
And falling out
Puking guts and gossip
Like there's no tomorrow

I'd much rather this
Using streetlamps to guide our hearts
Staring up at the stars and asking
What all of this means
Who all of us are
And what would happen if we were gone

Soon we will scatter
Like leaves in the autumn
We travel far and wide
But though we may be apart
We will never forget
The tree to which our roots belong.

Sometimes I wonder if my existence is at all valid,
I remember sitting on the bathroom floor at school with my then best friend and staring at the tile that surrounded us.
I thought about all the kids before us who have walked on this tile, escaping responsibilities, escaping teachers.
I thought about how absolutely insignificant that moment in time was,
how my plaid skirt and that unforgiving burgundy polo would later on refuse to bear witness to the things said and heard in that bathroom.
The mindlessly boring and insensitive ramblings of two teenage girls sulking on a bathroom floor made no ripple in the atmosphere.
The moment and the memory were gone as soon as they left.
If this trail of lost friendships and missed opportunities for significant bonds has taught me anything,
it’s that everything falls apart one way or another.

i miss the long summer nights under the moonlight. i miss getting drunk at 2am with my friends and acting like fools. i miss sitting in the backyard smoking **** with him for the first time. i miss going to concerts every weekend. i miss the ****** up nights with my friends. i miss it all.

beautiful whispers in my ears
easing all of my darkest fears
i kiss you then and hold you tight
and waiting for the coming of night

i light the cigarette and watch the smoke
and pocket my nails, jagged and broke
the tempest is nigh, winds are blowing
we zip up our coats, knowing:

it will be rough, it will be a test
everything dear will be lost lest
we stand tall and shout aloud
we are proud and will not be cowed

for we are stoic in the face of death
and with a full chorus of hitched breath
i pirouette and twirl and laugh and sing
nothing will subdue this couple of kings!

The hardest part of my day was finding a reason not to
And most nights, that reason was you
Most of the time, you weren’t even there
You were miles away with someone else
Yet you always picked up, or called right back
You listened, you laughed, you made me smile
You let me bleed through the airwaves, you were patient
You never judged though we knew who’s fault it was
(Mine)
You talked me off so many ledges, when all I wanted to do was jump
You saved me so many nights, just by being you
You ended every phone call with “I LOVE YOU!”
Not some secret or shy I love you
No you preached it loud and proud
As if you wanted the world to know it
It made me want to say it louder
But I was afraid of the word
Afraid I wasn’t good enough for you
So afraid, that I didn’t realize just how much I loved until it was too late
You even saved me the first day we met
You were always a superhero
You saw how hurt I was, how shamed I was in the face of her betrayal
Took me by the hand and whispered “Don’t worry, I’ll be your Girlfriend for the day.”
My heart grew two sizes that moment
(Something else grew, but we won’t talk about it)
We made her boil with jealousy
and she ran away in defeat
but you didn't let go there
You held me close through the cemetery
Partly out of fear, but we were both afraid, just of different things
I think that’s why “we” never happened
Why we always loved from afar

I was a dork, you were a dweeb
Our awkward behavior collided like peanut butter and jelly
Like peas and carrots
Like mac and cheese
I still feel it now
At least the memory of it, the shadow of it
Even that’s enough to keep me warm
I still hear your laugh ringing in my ears
And those baby browns
The way you’d smile when I’d pull up
Made me feel like a movie star
I’m a ***** guy, yet your pretty eyes and woman curves
Made me rethink who I was
I just wanted you beside, in front of, on top of me no matter what
I wanted to wrap your little heart in bubble wrap
And cover your ears in love songs
But you wanted stable, I didn’t even know the meaning of the word
I was afraid I’d fall, you were afraid you’d join me
Thus I loved you from afar, and forever will

No, it’s not fair, ******,
But the world ain’t a fair place
You know that better than most
And knowing someone as beautiful, as courageous,
As kind hearted as you could love me
Is more than enough to make me believe my dweeb is still out there.
I owe you a lifetime for that, many in fact,
So many nights I would’ve jumped were it not for you.

I kissed summer goodbye and it gave me ******,
That *****,
I bet it kisses all the teenagers.