I remember a time when I felt happy
Waking up everyday was a new adventure
Some people would say things behind my back,
But I didn't care

I just carried on

I would stroll leisurely into the classroom,
Take off my shoes at the door because I picked at them
Sit down at my desk, right at the front because I couldn't focus sitting next to anyone

And just carried on

I would pick my spiky, plastic ball off of the desk I sat at,
Constantly fidget with it, resist the urge to place it in my mouth
And bite off the spikes, feel satisfaction. Sometimes I could resist.
Other times I couldn't, but I didn't care

I just carried on

That was back when I was in Year Four, in a class filled with students
Who, despite not knowing the word ***** would be one anyways
Only admiring me for my intellect, like when I suggested the word Bioluminescence as a favourite word and the teacher thought it wasn't even a word, because surely I was too young to know it?

Somehow, I carried on

Now, looking back on those days I ask myself,
When did my strength fade? The world become grey?
How can someone so innocent, so lonely, so... weak,
Be so strong and resistant?

How did I be me, and manage to carry on?

When nowadays I am constantly suppressed by society,
I can't be me without being called a ******, a loser,
Loner and so ****** up that surely I'm a stoner?

Doesn't matter that I hate drugs, my "friends" do drugs,
Smoke **** and make fun of me because I don't,
That God forbid I'm clean, don't **** with that ****,
Never will and never have, but this means that they can be mean?

How have I carried on, for so long, falling prey to those call me friend
And fade away faster than the light of day whilst vaping it up,
Faded as ****,
When all along I believed I wasn't strong?

I look at them and see no hope, no future
Not for me in that direction, at least
And I've told them time and again
That it's so ******* wrong, that there will come a time when hitting up the **** won't carry you further along anymore

There will be a time when they will fail to carry on

Maybe I still got some of me left in me
There's more on the inside than what the eye can see
Believe in myself, listen to no-one else and honestly?

I truly believe I still have the strength to carry on

I got to say these things that were eating away at my soul like the birds,
Birds that happen to look a whole lot like crows,
who only ever go after the dead decaying prays,
because when it's dead, it's easiest to ****** away.

But I spoke line after line like the little white lines that lie in long lines,
on the highways where the dead bodies have been laid out to dry,
I was not going to give into your games let alone cry,
but if I must shed some tears to tell all the fears you have put on me,
then my eye will bleed red,
and never dry out,

And for me to pour my heart out onto you,
is as evil as the crow you are,
while you plot where you're going to pick me apart first when I finish,
but like the crows and the dead carcase I am,
we all have rights,
but like the bandages that can't stick around to fix my wounds,
im sorry,
A thing I've been more often than sometimes,
so its hard to fill in the bubbles of how someone hurts,
when the scales seem to add up in the favor of the other hand.

But that still gives me no right to act and do the things you do,
and play dress up in rooten old skin,
like you have set the example for me,
to lie to those who stared death in the face and went on as before,
but before they were nothing and after there still wasn't something,
and you checked the boxes under the bubbles.
securing they would be fine.

when in reality they were fine like you said,
if you compared their mental status to that of yours.
who let someone roam around like a dead corps.
as the crows above circled and waited,
mocking,
taunting,
waiting for the innocence of an infant to mess up.
so they could finally strike.

I get it's only human nature,
Just like the circle of life,
*But why do people have to keep neglecting children,
until those vultures finally strike.

The art of being humorously disagreeable*~ Amitav