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xavier thomas Mar 2022
#47
Dear God,

Tonight I can’t sleep. We lost our child through a miscarriage, even though we’re young adults ourselves. Happy to being an unhappy daddy for a nameless child, hurts my soul. I personally was so ready to become a great father. I guess life has other plans for the two of us.

I pray my ******* child is in heaven & forgiven


April 2 , 2016
xavier thomas Mar 2022
#45
When people read this book.
I pray for them. For a clear open mind. With a genuine heart. They come with questions. Speak their truth. Take time to get to know you and themselves. No judgment here.
I pray they are able to see themselves for the first time in the mirror. Giving a high-5 of that inner star player right in front of them. Simply because healthcare is rich.
Nothing’s taken personal. Just understanding. Nobody being attacked. But heard. No disrespect. Just respect.
We, your creation, are here to have a conversation with you to learn more about the things you do.
So please grant us to ask questions. Not question your ability.
It is time to sit at the holy table.
~Present Day~
xavier thomas Mar 2022
#44
Dear God,

I am the ideal of what a man look like that brings protection, connection, while sometimes respected.
I carry open flaws that are continuously worked on daily.
A good 5-figure man , half way to 6-figures, that has his own everything.
My attitude’s attitude is in check,
the power I hold is self-controlled,
never to go on a rampage.
When one sees my character, it defines what a “man” is or can be.
An example of code ethics which give gifts and sacrifices time as if it’s my duty to live for others rather than myself.

And yet, I am not the man she wants.
Not the 60% rich men who lives in a 6-figure + size house, bank account, traveling anytime as one so do please.  
Not the 60% rich men who she thinks she deserves when she has absolutely nothing to bring to the table but only her temporary looks aging through time because she claims, “she is the table”.
The 60% rich men who is an illusion because in reality, social media & society continues to trick and cloud women minds under a false promise that there’s a huge amount of rich men, when in fact only 1% are. Yet, that 1% could care less.

March 13, 2013
I am the “ideal” man; just not the man she wants.
Keyana Brown Mar 2022
I would rather
bite my lip til I bleed
I would rather
grit my teeth as
they break down
into seeds.

ANYTHING BUT TALK

I would rather
get punched in the face
and pretend that I'm ok
I would rather
be hit by a car
or be sent to Mars

ANYTHING BUT TALK

Talking about my feelings
Talking about me
I would do anything
but none of those things
It's only going to hurt you
than it does to me.

I rather not talk
I rather just walk
let my feelings
be discreet
that's at least
what he said to me.
Valya Mar 2022
They sit
Two feet away from me
Spewing sh*t about friends
I don't turn
Staring at my computer
In a slight fit of fear
That my turn will be next
I know plenty about them
And they know me too
But who's to say
That even if I don't turn
I won't be next
They love to talk
Vouching on that their word
Won't be spread
It will
idkkkk ranty time ovo
Shofi Ahmed Feb 2022
Every now and then
dip in the water
and every mo
breath to live.

Man comes and goes
it’s a bottomless sea
and the air is still deep
xavier thomas Jan 2022
-The modern day is poor as people continue to act wild
-Lack of accountability been running rounds
for miles
-Marching marathons in remorse for awhile
-Watching expectations come up short as it starts to pile
-Its been a long time that its been a good time now
-Happiness is hard to be found
-Life has emotionally been roller coasting in the pandemic trials
-And time is racing pass the finish line, hoping to make this life count

-I talk pro about growth cause it’s important to me
-But letting go certain habits is a con i’m avoiding in me
-Praying towards my come up. Patience is slow, but surely
-I’ll manage to overcome those traits one day with the burning desire in me
-I know the potential is in me
-Been supporting free speech to damage people to speak out like it’s therapy
-But hold up, who’s volunteering their time for me to hear my story?

-Life’s crazy causing pressure on me
-Single making 50k yearly, but the office career is unhappy
-The girl I love right now not even mentally ready for me
-Of course I love myself but now who’s gonna love me?
-My heart holds hope while beating lonely, and yet
-Waiting patiently for something new and more
-Chances of getting married now is betting a craps game on the floor

-Can’t continue to sleep with this women I have deep feelings for
-If it’s 50/50 we’re not going to be together moving forward
-And if there’s zero chance for us in the future,
then allow me to close our paradise door
-Back to the drawing board of this single world tour
-Letting go is hard, but good for the soul i’m sure
-Healing these deep wounds is speaking straight to the primary source
-So I started writing my confessions in multiple letters to the Lord

-Hoping my sins don’t cast the next stone, which I can’t afford
-Asking God how further away am I from my reward?
-Once I take that first step to obedience, then his light will shine from the door
-This the start when I stop “starting over” and gain a little more
-This the start when blessings touch my hands as they begin to pour
-This the start when feeling apart turns my part into love and adore
-This the start when the heart can fully be restored
-And if there’s a high chance of life turning around, this the time I walk further towards more in store
-Growth is what i’m fighting for
~Love, Zay❤️
xavier thomas Jan 2022
#43
Dear God,

I miss this person I associated myself with.
I miss their presence, their smile, their weird side, their love, their shyness, them laying under me.

However; I revert back to 3 main questions:
Do I miss them because I love them?
Do I miss them because I lust them?
Do I miss them because I left them?


December 7, 1977
Ask questions
it just doesn't
come naturally
there's an awkwardness
a failure
to accurately convey
what needs
to be
conveyed

either that
or uncontrolled words
twist sentences
contort the sentiment
that was intended

feigning the expected
mimicking those witnessed
bought success
in the past
but
under closer scrutiny
the charade
would be discovered

for now though;
this silence
has drawn on
far
     too
           long
without response

another chance
wasted
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