Its been months since pen ad paper visited
I guess we have all been busy. Caught up.
Consumed by the world around us,
To and fro trying to prove my worth to
those who still leave me anyway.

I drown from liquid to liquid
and yet I never find oceans where my ancestors drowned in
I could never find the voice that has been calling me .
begging for me to join life on the Otherside of the veil

Getting out of bed seems to be a mission
chasing daydreams of finding love and acceptance
I guess I am now back to the only One that will forever accept me
Pen and paper . silent yet loud. accepting yet sometimes so harsh with
pounding rejection because most times I can't even disvirgin paper
so i remain there .. clueless on what steps to take.
I think that's why I am still searching for my worth in random places.
Reasons why people I used to care about became random faces

A bird set free,
to the unknown world
he became lively and joyous!
only to realize that the world
was his cage, and he was
trapped in his own freedom

"I wish I were a bird" They say-

Only a bird knows
what it's like to lose its wings
while flying to survive

- Kaya

Up and down the road again,
following the twists and turns
in hope to achieve and gain
I ride on though my eyes burn

My hopes painted inside my mind
where in loops past and future runs
behind the clouds my star shines
I look through it though my eyes burn

I had held too many I could pocket,
now tell less tales, became a taciturn,
hanged those round my neck in a small locket,
I keep quite though my eyes burn

The storm has done damages enough
from the winds and waves I learned
even small ships can deal with the rough
I clean the deck *though my eyes burn

Sometimes you just have to deal
With things as they happen,
No matter how terrifying.
Despite the constant fear.
Facing the horror and resisting the fate.
Nightmares come even when awake.
Sleep is reality and reality is fake.
So put up a finger and say "F" it all.
Laugh at all those who look appalled
Brush your shoulders off.
Rub dirt into the wound.
Nothing can hurt you unless you allow it to.
Face your demon and kick its ***.
Send it back from which it came.
Shout to the world that you will never be tame.
Deal with what happens with a strong will.
Bow to no one and bend for naught.
Because when the end comes at least you can say you fought.

Your past is creeping up on you after all of these years,
you wish it would stop because all it causes is pain and tears.
But the darkness is the burden of all that is true;
all the things that have hurt you have made you YOU.

So many times have you lost your heart
to the detrimental work of the devil's art.
With eyes like clouds that won't stop raining,
you can't stop the pain flowing through your veins; how draining.

You're as fragile as a butterfly's wing,
and I know you're hanging by the thinnest string.
But you are here. You are brave. You are alive.
And you're going to make it through the storm and survive.

I'm not stopping you from taking those pills,
Or from those lines on your wrists,
You can burn your thighs,
Or scream your lungs out.
I will not stop you.


How you've lost yourself to many sleepless nights,
Or to the times you've wasted thinking,
If this is how you fight,
Then don't even think about stopping.


No one should blame you for trying to face it,
Trying to fix it,
Trying to mend yourself,
Now this is my help.

Those scars,
Those eye bags,
Only shows your will to survive,
Your effort to be alive.


-HIY

Just leave me alone,
I'll survive,
It doesn't matter actually how I live,
All that matters is where I'll reach

there was a time,
when dresses were taboo
and shorts stowed away in my closet,
afraid to expose myself.
i used to die in agony,
on a hot summer day,
just to keep covered and
away from prying eyes.
intentionally, sand would
cake my legs and arms,
while others laid in the vast openness
of the beach, begging for the sun
to touch their skin.
there were times i almost felt okay,
to show without barriers,
until i saw the eyes of my love
looking.
and for a split second, i saw
the sadness i caused and the
shifting eyes, wondering if anyone else
can see.
but you kiss each scar, you ask questions,
and you have a wonderlust to
dance over my past and to understand
my journey.
and now, skirts are my favorite things,
and i tell my story in hopes of shaping the lives
of those who have once been in my shoes.
and i'm no longer afraid, to wear my stripes.

I didn't give up!
I just didn't adjust
To the stakes getting higher;
Fuel thrown on the fire.
Now I burn away,
But am I to blame?
I'm not the one fanning the flames.
But I'm just standing, unmoving,
Not shouting or screaming.
Perhaps I'm compliant.
Perhaps I'm just dreaming.

And perhaps it is better:
Reduced into embers,
Crushed into ashes,
Scattered on the wind.
Not giving up, but
Perhaps giving in?
Say what you may:
Weak, brave.
I'm in no position
To reject your opinion,
But, if you're asking me,
I wouldn't mind being lost to the breeze.