Washing my hands even though
I know they'll never really be clean.
Too many stains
From the blood, sweat and tears
That will never be seen.
My hands may never be completely clean, but I won't apologize.
I did what I had to to protect, love, and survive.

You want to survive, you want to fight
you need to prove that you can get through the night
but after so many years of being a scapegoat
you realize that no matter what,
you're still stuck on the same boat

All you wanna do is tell them what they did wrong
yet they just keep singing their ignorance song

you don't even care if you become successful and rich
as long as you find a wonderful wife, and have beautiful kids
Yet after all this time you realize you're on your own
left behind, heartbroken, with an enormous l̶o̶a̶n̶  debt..

you can keep on moving, keep on running
but even so the problems will always be coming

Still you gotta keep on fighting, even after so long
because the good things comes only to those who stay strong

for after all this time, after all this pain
you gotta prove that you can do it, and that it wasn't all in vain

Wind howling in my ears,
Sand slicing, biting, through my skin,
The faces plaguing my dreams of fear.
Their mouths all in a maniacal grin.

Pain flashing; arm burning;
Tumbling through the air.
An arm falling in my lap,
It's not mine but his.

My friend.
My driver.
The back I promised to watch.
The family man I know him to be.

No dont look at me that way!
Stop... please...
It's not my fault I survived.
It's not my fault you died.

No dont leave... please...
You're all I have left,
You're my last memory of him.
Stay... please...

The cracking of barrels,
Whizzing of bullets,
I'm sorry I have to go.
My other brothers need me.

You're eyes are already dead,
You're blood has run cold.
But they aren't gone yet,
Their blood is still warm.

A shot runs through my shoulder,
Strange voices coming from everywhere,
One saying to get back,
Another saying it's happening again...

What's happening?
What do you mean again?
Head hurting, splitting, painful.
Everything around me is fading...

No dont leave... please...
This is all I have left of them...
My friends who fell,
My brothers by creed not blood.

White lights, white clothe.
Strange voices speaking strange words.
A man in blue and white,
Red spatters of blood on his shirt.

It makes sense,
For now I see,
I was rescued.
One out of four.

I'm alive...
I survived...
It should've been them.
Why couldn't it have been them.

Raise the ******* high
to salute the fairness of life,
a signal to the clan of the world;
to those blameless few,
content to merely pass through,
it becomes a warning
to those other wretched ones.

The fur and pelt of clothes
becomes a second skin,
animals on the mountain once more;
half covered by white curses
bodies pocketed in snow,
the chilling embrace of eternal season,
reaches all that know
and are deeply felt in the bones,
by brethren and coven alike.

It is the flag of Everest
to mark how far we have come;
ignore the scar tissue
hunger pangs and brokenness
and climb upward to find a perch,
as thin breath of the lungs remains.

Come out from the caves
and seek your mantle;
where others have fallen,
from the towering heights.
Despite the consuming frost-bite,
the finger remains on the tallest peak,
as a cross to bless other weary pilgrims.

Tired flames
Still burn, though they struggle
Tired flames, The wind is to come thy way
And fight you shall, to keep thy light

To the heavens one cries for mercy
Only to be met with rain
Tired flames
Struggle, struggle
They come for your light

Issue #1

High criticism in opinions
Lack of support
Overthinking situations
Mental breakdowns inside my soul
Backlash after Backlash
Trying to find my voice in this world
Yet, I hold back my tongue

Issue #2

I quit dating because my heart was torn open so many times.
Distance myself from friends because I was being taken advantage of.
Stop writing because my poems won’t change lives.
Gave up on the promise land because it’s difficult to reach.

Issue#3
Bills due monthly
Large pay check here
Short pay check there
Long shifts = Long nights
Trying to save money
Tuition due soon.

Here goes FASFA calling again....
"~Excuse me, I have to take this call"

It's all been said.
It's all been done.
Think you're broke and lonely?
You're not the only one.
Living in a world so isolated
So cold.
They say the only ones
who survive do what they're told.
But that's just what they want you to think.
They don't want you to find the power you have inside.
So get your thoughts together, wake up and let's ride.
We're going to say
what we need to say
and whether we succeed or die, at least we can say we tried