i want food
i want to eat and sleep and be pampered
like a brat cat that gets so much love
enough of being a dog, it is tiring
and i think i am living in dog years
wait i was about to say cat years,
i want to live in tortoise years
as a tortoise

Sometimes I am scared to write those words
I hear in dark clouds hiding
Fear and restlessness are blinding
Stuck within my heart a universe
Of thoughts, a truth, a curse,
A worry and 1001 catastrophic stories,
Images of events that have never taken place,
Fake but seem real, I believe it still...
Once again I gave in,
Drowning I found myself in painful thoughts,
Scratching my chest under my skin,
Heaviness spreads it's poisonous roots...
What does surrender even mean
If not to write a poem?
I keep on observing the within,
I hope to find answers therein...

The pupil of your eye
is like a black hole—
please consume me with your pupil
and make me eternally yours.

Yes, I know
even black holes evaporate.
But fear not,
for I will evaporate with you,
into eternity.

I am the Pisces, suffocating beneath the weight of my own sorrow.
You watch as I fight against waves that crush the will from my bones,
A fish whose scales are heavy with despair,
Whose heart is a shattered thing, lost in the vast, unforgiving deep.
Each breath I take is a revolt against this abyss,
But each breath is a futile attempt to resist the inevitable.

You call my name, beg me to stay—
But the current is merciless, pulling me into the blackened void.
I swim in circles, drowning in a silence that devours,
As the water fills my lungs with its cold, endless ache.
The world above is a distant, forgotten dream,
One I can no longer reach, no longer want.

I am the Pisces, swallowed whole by my own darkness,
A soul unraveling beneath the surface.
Your hands cannot break the tide,
For I have already surrendered.
It is too late. The ocean has claimed me.

Peace comes with surrender or destruction
Peace comes with restraint by greater powers
Powers ordained from on high for peace

But cowardly harlots wooing kings for profits
That such powers now impotent and abused
The heavenly decree profaned and corrupted

Peace is at an end, peace no more on earth
So too goodwill and favour abrogated
And judgements come, the book of life closed

Our very first kiss:

my heart was a little bird --


trembling in its nest.

Full moon, at night.
The water shimmers in its light.
“Will you jump with me, naked?”
I ask him in the cold wind shaking,
Standing on the edge of the unknown,
Like a lion that has fully grown.
As he hesitates fearfully,
I dive into freedom fiercely.
“I must do it”, he says, following my lead,
Before surrendering to the deep.

The cigarette burns,
whiskey half-empty,
I stare at the ceiling—
my body frozen,
like time itself has died.

Maybe if I stare long enough,
you’ll walk through that door,
say, “It’s not your fault,”
and we’ll hug,
but the silence cuts through,
and you’re already gone.

Maybe I should have kept quiet,
my words too heavy for you to bear.
Your foot told me so,
and your hands agreed,
gripping the wheel,
not steering,
but letting go.

I wish I could wipe your tears,
hold your shattered heart
and stop the screaming,
but it’s too late.

So you accelerate,
and I’m left in this stillness,
a wreck that never crashed.