pain knocks on weathered doors
fastened ever tightly
cryptic access is denied
it camouflages in the shadows

stealthily it watches
hypervigilance enhancing
catastrophe awaiting
it strikes in latent graveyards

the gale begins to form
and unleashes its fierce torrent
the latch shattered and torn
there’s now an open entrance

creeping in it slithers
engulfing to encompass
digging up emotions
buried underground there

hovering and foggy
tho’ murky does not smother
but fleshes out the psyche
entombed and cobweb covered

it crawls along the edges
and peers in secret ledges
seeps into sequesters
like dust settled in feathers

it slides through every feeling
and when it’s at its blackest
it carves the darkness out
and let’s in sunlight’s presence

© 2016janetaylor

the tenderest thing. the tenderest thing.
is stumbling
in the hollow between
life's collarbones. it feels just like
velvet.

innocent. a moment.
crushed-soft, caught you unaware.
as vulnerable as hot
breath
alighting on your neck. his
fingers lacing round your ribs.
a moment.

innocent.
placing lunch plates in the sink
getting washed by sunlight instead.
a glow on metal
so bright, so clean
you think of a baby's skin.
warm.
like love.
like love exists
in everything.

the tenderest thing. the tenderest thing.

I’m not sure I believe in auras but I do believe in vibes.
Different people make me feel different ways.
Instinct, I guess.
I have a friend who makes me feel like I just drank 3 Monsters, and can’t sit still, constantly moving, too nervous to be calm.
Another who feels like waking up late on a summer Saturday, curled up in bed, like sunshine and freshly washed sheets.
And a third who makes me feel like I just chain smoked a pack of Marbolo Reds and can’t focus, because everything is spinning.
I believe I have loved them all, at different times and in different ways, but I’m still not sure which of the three was the best for me.
Or if everyone I’ll come to love is going to give off a vibe,
I hope they do- maybe these “vibes” are my sign,
making it painfully obvious that these people are going to mean something to me.
A reminder to stick it out and keep my heart open.

It's just that your eyelashes
catch the wind and shadows
across your face.

And I can't help
but to think to myself
that God gave us cheek bones
so we may lay across this field
and I could look up to you
through the sunlight.

'' So how many more sessions do you think we need?''

A question I thought would never be asked
I don't allow myself to think bad thoughts
I have my  knights in shining armour around me
Fighting off those bad thoughts with silver swords

'' I don't know...?''

She was always my saving grace
The one who kept me on the ground
Even when I wanted to fly away
My fluffy pink pillow with cotton candy scent

'' I'm thinking 10 more sessions ''

She is going to leave me
Alone with these thoughts
Alone with my emotions
Alone with my demons

''... Okay''

I've been in therapy every week
for almost a year
She did so much to help me
get rid of the monsters under my bed
and the devils inside of my head

'' You will be fine''

I'm not good at being on my own
I need someone to hold my hand
Guide me when there is no sunlight
Help me rebuild my castle when the walls break

''Sure''

Who am I going to be
Without a hand to hold
Without my knights
Without her

*I am scared to find out

All in all,
You disappear into the heart of me.
Like sunlight coming through a window pane,
You see.
It is a rarity,
A treasured find.
That someone can make me be seen through,
With all that is.
It leaves me not knowing what else to do.

we took our boat out
onto the river of time
and it slipped by us
in silver and gold
in sunlight and cloud
and once we reached the opposite shore
we looked back and realized
that no time had passed at all

I stepped out of your shadow to find no sunlight.