When you said goodbye to me
I immediately welcomed depression back into my life
Pretty soon I’ll be at deaths gate
Waiting for him to welcome me, next

Every ma'am
Is the tightening of a noose
Is the sharpening of a blade

Every shower
Is the collection of pills growing
Is the note being revised

Every she
is a punch in the throat
Is one step closer

One step closer to the end
Because I cant wait to not feel this



But then I get called sir
I get called them
I get called him
And it's one step back from the rope
One pill flushed
One note ripped up
One more day I will stay alive
Because I love that feeling

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of my mind.
I'm afraid of the depth, of what I'm capable of.
Of what my brain can imagine or focus on.
I'm afraid of the thoughts that come flooding in,
and I'm afraid of the ones that break down the walls.
I'm afraid, for I feel too much,
and I'm afraid that one day
I won't be able to take it all.

On a night like this,
long ago,
I promised to die

I carried this heavy promise
in my scarred wrists
in my empty stomach
in my black lungs
in my sleepy eyes

I wish to finally sleep,
but I fear I may never
dream of you this time

Unattainable
Goals that ask softly for me
To reach skyward, home.

Calling was the void
Wondrous, fearful, cavernous
From within her mind

Found me out in the
Sycamore tree, swaying soft
On an evening breeze