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Alvira Perdita Jan 2020
above the ceiling is lit with bright lights that surround me,
the crowds around are gathered together, talking in
excited tones that pass my ears without reaching me.

can they not see that i am drowning?
i stand in the centre of the room, screaming for help
but they can't hear me, they don't notice or they don't care

my lungs are imploding, i can feel the weight crushing
every inch of my insides. nobody has looked at me yet.
i don't believe that they can't see me, it's impossible.

he extends a hand, holding it casually as though i'm not flooded
he says "just breathe, everything will be okay."
he doesn't understand that if i take a breathe, i will drown

i close my eyes, i can hear them now
"everything will be okay" they're repeating to me
i can read in their faces that they don't understand why i don't just breathe

i'm trying to breathe but it's become impossible and
all i can do is ask for death
but i'm not that lucky
since dad died everyone is giving me space, and i don't think it's what i need and i'm honestly starting to forget what it feels like to want to be alive and these days all i can do is just wish that it will all end. i don't want this life any more, i don't want this pain and i don't want to be alone anymore.
Rylie Lucas Jan 2020
Have you thought to check up on me?
Have you thought about me?
Have you left your own head?
Or are you leaving me for dead?

Life’s crazy, huh?
Full of false accusations
Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you’ll act on it
Sometimes it’s better to shove emotions into the darkest place in your mind

I hope for the best but expect the worst
Am I a realist?
Or depressed?
Or just seeking attention?

All things considered, I shouldn’t be here
My mother should have aborted me and lived her life
But now she has me
Gods, I’ve caused her so much pain

One of these days, I’ll have to courage
To cut slightly too deep
To jump off the ledge
To pull the trigger

But for now, I take my anger and emptiness out on my flesh
Gray creating red
Moonlight shining through my window
As I hide what I’ve done

It’s not like I’m ashamed
I just don’t want to disappoint them
Everyone thinks so highly of me
It’d be best if I just disappeared

Like I never existed

The red stains my clothes as it soaks through
Creating wet spots on a black surface
Wearing dark colors hides the blood
Hides my true emotions

My true intentions.
My first poem of 2020 is this mess...Sorry...I'll just go...
Dead lover Jan 2020
Either give me some hope Or give me death,
It's hard to remain on the deathbed.


Dear Death, come and **** me,
For i am neither strong enough nor good enough..
My life has no silver lining
Cherish Jan 2020
How far more can we walk together?
I want to walk with you just last one time with the same old feelings

Our smile will be the sweetest
And I’ll be the happiest the girl

But I’m not the girl that you wanted
want you to notice me but you notice her instead

Just know that I’ve been waiting painfully

I hate it that I’m been unstable for quite some time and I really hope you’re not the reason why

I don’t want to blame you, all you did is gave me the best but I took granted for it.

Now you’re looking happier than before
I’m glad you’re fine but I’m not

If the time can rewind
I promise I’ll make you the happiest

Thank you for making a huge impact in my life
In a great way because I really enjoyed those days with you.
I’m sorry
Alice Jan 2020
"I mean I think I'm happy"

And that's how it began
"Like why shouldn't I be?
Things are fine right now
I have my health, my friends and family.
I work a job and have some plans,
the future isnt hopeless.
Tomorrow still shines bright for me,
this lifes my magnum opus."

Yet in her eyes another tale
was told as clear as day.
No matter her persuasion,
to convince herself another way.

"Times do get dark-" She further added
"But what's life without some pain?
Just a set of tasks with no direction,
no need to complain."

She hid away from feeling,
for to face her own dismay
was to kneel before her sitting God
and shout rather than pray:
"No, I'm really not alright-
And I dont always know why.
But the emptiness sustains
without the confidence to cry.
Was it you who did this?
One day will you stop it?
Or shall I try at a second life
Maybe soon I can commit."

But her God replied in silence,
or maybe in the flowing of the tide.
Perhaps in the movement of the wind,
or the calls of cyanide.

"Yeah I think I'm happy,
The past is in the past.
The present day is fine to me,
Though this will be my last."
I hope this makes sense to other people but it really struck a chord with me when I was writing it. Sometimes it's hard to get a message across like this, but I got something out of it at the very least!
Stay safe, look after yourself and those around you. Find your own definition of peace.
Julia Jan 2020
let me float away
with all these butterflies

you've
        
                given

                                ­ me
Cherish Jan 2020
We became friend
To close friend
You cared for me
I cared for you
You liked me
I’m confused
I let you down
You’re disappointed
You push me away
You left me
I’m confused
We stopped talking
I’m confused
Months passed
I saw you
You saw me
We chatted
I have mix feelings
We met again
Chatted again
Memories flashback

I still want you back
I’m confused all along, you didn’t give me a chance to talk it out
You step in and out of my life whenever you wants.
Now I want you back will you come back?
If you’ve given me a little more time, I’ll be lying on ur shoulder now.
M Eastman Jan 2020
I want to throw myself down a well
rag doll child's wish
Swallowed up by the
Expired medicine bottles
Slowly swimming koi fish
Spades Jan 2020
It doesn’t feel like it but i hope you’re still watching over me
And if you are all I can hope is that you’re happy for me

I hope you can look past the drugs liquor and poison I take
I hope you can look past all the pain sadness and tears I shed
I hope you can look past all the sins I’ve committed

I never asked God for forgiveness because your name always took his place
I hope you forgive me mom
And I’m sure it’s hard for you
Watching me try to imagine what time spent with you would have been like
Trying to figure out what hugging you feels like
Dreaming of what your eyes hair and lips looked like

But that’s all it is right? Just a dream
All I can do is dream of you tucking me in bed
All I can do is dream of what your warmth and comfort feels like
All I can do is dream of what crying on your shoulder feels like
At least that’s all I can dream and wish for when I’m crying alone in my room without you

Do you love me mom
I hope you wish as hard as I do to look eye to eye for the first time
Because since the day I was born, that's all I’ve ever wanted
I know I am not worth much, but I hope you can still be proud of me
Please be proud of me mom
Please be proud of me
People say everybody is worth something. I feel like I’m the only exception to that rule
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