Somehow,
I got stuck in time.
Not my body,
just my mind.
I keep replaying the moments,
me yelling,
you crying.
I'm stuck.

And I've never been so stuck,
I'm like a wild animal in quicksand.
I keep fighting,
struggling,
but the more I struggle,
the least likely I am to escape.
The more I fight,
the more I feel pain.

I will make new stories
I must
The old ones are getting sore and stretched out and I refuse to let this be all, to let this be it.

In the well you sat for days-
I only found you, while skipping-
Tripping over moss covered rocks
by the stream that seldom ran dry.

Sadly for you- unlucky you.
The stream sat bare- from the sky.
I’d imagine, dry skin. Twisting turning
Meanders, of dry land.

The water table low, with no flow
You sat stuck for days- Alone.
Lucky for you- weirdly for me-
I heard yells- south of the dry stream.

carefully cranking, bucket and rope-
Down the well- closer to you.
Three yanks, and I pulled up-
A bucket, and heart appeared from the rough.

I want to sleep;
I am not allowed.
I can't escape;
I am not allowed.

I feel like I am
Sinking in quicksand;
And the walls are too high
To see out of.

It's been so long
Now I don't even know
If I want to see out.
I am stuck;
And I don't know if
I want to get out anymore.

Mouth to plum, bruised blue and black
it's always guilt, the wild eyes lack.
It's always pansies, blooming down my back
If you could ever think to love me - attack.
Feel my fingers, feel my nerves
boy,
relish my blindness, dampen my words.
Eat me alive,
I've forgotten what it is to die.
Forgotten how to bring my ****** lips to wine
and let you shove away the tears - I'm dry.
The beauty of petals, what do they serve,
to only dry and fall dead from a flower,
when the sun is not hers?

The words you're meant to hear
For one reason or another
Won't come to fruition
Is it for the fear of everything I've imagined?
Or the ugly truth that hides beneath.
Both options don't seem plausible
In my head
So I'd rather get stuck
Somewhere in the middle

The worst part waking up each day
Realizing my life is still this way
I want to change
Be something more
Don't want breathing to feel like a chore
With a man who does best to make
Smile though his I only take
I am a thief
Happiness and joy
What I steal I don't get to keep and enjoy
I know wishing others to understand
Make them see it from where I stand
I just **** them with destructive habit
In pursuit of an unreachable white rabbit
I am sick of picking scabs on my face
Screaming to world that I am a disgrace
But distance between where I am at
Where I was
Is a reminder that
Nothing but the loneliness feels the way it once did
Am so hardened
My feelings I hid
Because no effort is ever good enough
No longer try
But I'm failing to bluff
They asked if okay
If I'm sure I'm alright
Lie but it's clear that my answers not right
Nothing hurts because I've gone numb
The awful monotony I've all but succumbed
Rock bottom and bottoms up!
Where I'm stuck between
Each day follow the same sickening routine