Skyscrapers in every nation,
Signs of mankind's aspiration,
Millions of plebs face starvation,
No dwellings for them, deprivation,
No, skyscrapers they keep building,
How many lilies are they gilding?
What else could they  be doing?

I

in the dark starvation is real.
In dark, the emesis that fills my
cheeks is a currency I soak inside, animal
coinage, the fine
bulbous talons of Sepiidae.

Savagely, pelagically
starving made me rich when
Muskrat’s claws pull apart delicate meat.
Sad Spanish blood, I would like you
to panic about what has been lost.
No body, no crime—we are all cannibals; so the muskrat ate
flesh from the dugong-heavy remora

a parallax of sorts occurs
when I cannot find my own entrails—
perhaps they are ruminating in my gut—
boiling in my optic nerve.

But–I found little boys betting quarters for eating bowels
of goat. I was small enough to fit through
playground gates so I could swing
swing in earthquakes, and portents
ride out this day on the waves—to succeed

foothills, grasses, and bath salts
by the creek. I got my quarters.
They asked me who made me as Mountain
Dew dribbled down my chest.
Infant teeth shattered my infant

fists and I did not eat divvied livers and
Victim watchers.
I wrote on
my protruding
viscera
proverbs from my ancient days


–extraordinary porch things, depleted
Phosphorus, and, on bendable limbs
I catalogued my windscraped knees.

How does one so young
become
so fed up with
hunger.

II

Starving made me easier to tie.
easier to lift.
my ancient autopsy of starvation
made me feel gutted out
like Finished
ice-cream containers.
Made me able to hold my breath for
up to six minutes—starving
made me full of Household Gods and rickety
rosaries,

small brown globular clusters,
1 arcsecond of stress
capable of aligning me
with spring-loaded washers

I pop one nut—two—
Dental Work can be a rhizome,
ordering wee-soldiers from
its tethered nodes without
lactation, laceration, infection into
my sleep-deprived throat,
Choking on bird chirps
and x-ray bursts

below the cradle where
my android sleeps. I
have named him The Alabaster.
(Synching The Alabaster.)
The Alabaster–Allie–is a kind of boat
that I have hole-punched into; like
children of the deep I have hurled
nearby rocks into its lungs.
I have wrenched crumbs of my honeymoon
sidewalk, for a beast that panics.
I would trade
the last of the dugongs
for a muskrat’s smile–
now there exists a cult for Plastic
that the spotlights started,

and in the night it will not
end with the filter feeder sinking
to the depth of the imagined water column,
spinning in the Gyre disposal.
There isn’t a colander large enough
to sift through the pejorative waste.

I knew the night would be fraught.
It makes my fusiform body necessary for
transport. Makes Monophyletic solid consumption
trucks and ACE arms reach for
well-behaved spearfish bodies.
Makes days disappear and cold
seem like simmering.
Makes staying out of sight
a trim.

And I told them,
the Fusiforms and Balusters, that
the spearfish would devour the hero who comes
from afar bearing the gift of travel–
Tully-Fisher, with his cottonseed oil
“Manufactured in USA” in
compounding pharmacies.
He made me.
And I told him:

to Tell me to trawl for something less
plastic than my second
self–that I which exists
in Mary Poppins cannons, compact
intimacies, medical and portable–

to dig within my throat, discover a nurdle
that failed to photodegrade during the the day
the Sirenia sang,
the Muskrat gnawed off his leg and hand
fed it to the remora.
III

My mouth is parched
for diagnosis of rickets, for
my un-mineralized bones.
I need RR Lyrae, Statistical π,
population “II”s
to stand in for my night.
I need Sweetened,
Spoonfuls of BB pellets and
Spoonfuls of cepheids to help
the tetany go down,

myopathic infants and
ricket Rosary symbols only work
in sacrifice–In this sense,
I have constructed a panic
architecture–Craniotabes are too
vast. Prions and viroids have seeped
through,

Infections more than dreams,
for injured muskrats who yearn for
the last real mermaid’s smile,
or tears if that would smash open
the cluttered ocean and scatter
the unwanted hosts multiplying
in my spinal fluid.

In day there is no more starvation–
the remora bring me
Libations and admire
my six pack rings mobile.
My connective obligatory.

Under my fingernails are thin
crisps that may somehow create equilibrium.
Although I nibble them regularly
I can’t always swallow.
Surrounded by a dense fog of fleas
my tongue is itching.
My teeth are scratching, scraping
away the space that will always be there.


The antique aisle at the local international
superstore is handing out shriveled
heads of past didactic patients.
But I tell them it’s not what’s there that matters
it’s what’s not there. And in my case
there’s a surplus of nothing that
I can live without.

Maybe if I cut myself
Or made myself prettier and thinner
Then you would love me,
Not leave me all alone.

Maybe if I made that jump
Or made myself in your image
Then I would finally be good enough
And not an outcast.

Maybe if I cut myself
Or made myself prettier and thinner
Then you would finally love me
And I wouldn't be the shameful daughter.

How many times we starved ourselves
dreaming something that we can’t have…

How many times we deprived ourselves
from wanting the life we wanted the most
just because we lack something or
having the practical mind that it is not for us…

Sometimes we starved ourselves to limit our flight.
Bound by rules, responsibilities, duties,
or even culture, tradition and religion…
Despite all that, we balance everything
for what’s right, what feels right
The Weighing of the Heart ---

This morning was cold and a foggy one.
It reminded me of a past colder morning,
When the holiday hustle and bustle had just ended.
I was here....at Windwood Park,
My arms squeezed across my chest.
While briskly I walked, a strong wind blew
And by me, a flock of black birds flew...

I passed along house gardens, with Christmas trees,
With angels and stars on their tops still lighted.
Further on was a row of evergreens,
Upright, unaffected by the cold December winds,
High above the Magnolias and Hollies.
Beside the orange-purplish Birds of Paradise
Stood two smaller, obliquely grown pine trees;
Leaning, but undaunted by the sway of the winds,
No angels, or stars to show....instead, I watched as
The Crows approached, and on the tree tops, they alighted...
And then came another group of three,
And then several more followed suit,
And settled
On the nearby trees,
Blurring the tree line...until
The treetops were darkly shaded....

High above, they perch...on the grass, they search,
On the streets, they cross, pick up food, doing
What birds of the same feathers do---to survive...
A group of beaked, footed, dark crescent creatures
On top of those trees, so green with life,
Against a sky pleasantly clear and blue...
The contrasts, the events I witnessed, lingered with the cold...
A small patch of darkness...emerging,
Widening, prevailing, gaining power,
Can eventually conquer a whole world.

The White Egrets, Herons, the Finch,
The Bluebirds, Junkos and the Parrots
Usually grace Windwood Park with their presence...
Only the Blue Jay was brave enough that cold morning,
While a large number of Crows scattered,
And bravely, skillfully scavenged,
Through the wet, verdant grass,
Through the tall cans of thrash...

This morning, the cold brought back these events...and
I thought of the violence and starvation existing in places worldwide,
The prevailing restlessness, the senseless killings...the children....
No more concern for human lives...and
I thought of Nigeria...
And Pakistan,
And Paris, France,
And those that happened before them,
And those that are about to happen...

Sally

Copyright 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan


...we never know what we may witness when we step out of our
   comfort zones...

When I feel down and I'm feeling so low that part of me feels I have no place to go. Nothing or no one can cure this blue, but I have  found my solution and here's what I do.

I imagine a parent somewhere far away without what we have and I watch as they pray. Yes I watch as they pray for a child to live and I watch as they cope when there's nothing to give.

I watch as they try to feed someone with nought, I watch as they beg so that food can be bought.
I watch as they cry as they bury a nation, who struggle with drought and then die from starvation.

I watch as children get shot just for wanting that learning and still education is what they are yearning.
I watch as the civilised ruin their land and watch how they leave them when things don't go as planned.

I see all the badness that happens and cry as I remember I wanted to crawl up and die. I wanted to die because I couldn't face, the sorrows that are often thrown up in this place.

I cry for these people that I'll never know. I cry for the bravery that daily they show. I cry when I realise how lucky I be, no hunger, no thirst and no real poverty.

These thoughts are the things that turn my mood 'round, these thoughts are what put my feet back on the ground.
I feel embarrassed of such pettiness and my own little problems I can easily address.

Things can be so bad that sometimes we give up, we struggle and cry into our little cup.
But we need to be weary we need just to face and see the perspective within its true place!

A child holds out a hand.
He has no tears to cry.
His stomach is a gastric band.
His future is to die.

He doesn't have food to eat.
He has nothing to drink.
To him this life is far from sweet.
His future is to sink.

Whilst all around that other place.
People cause disarray.
By getting started in the race.
That we call black Friday!

Whilst many have to pray for life.
That we treat as the norm.
We're fighting for the cheapest price.
And doing it in swarms.

How can the peoples of these places?
Hold their heads up high.
Does greed reflect from our faces?
Whilst so many other die!

We seems so motivated.
Over a child's toy.
It's ok to get aggrevated.
Over the things we buy.

It would be another story.
If it was a fight for life.
But it doesn't show much glory.
When it's a new coat for the wife.

We have a poor economy.
So can anyone be blamed!
We are all healthy, fed and free.
And we should all feel ashamed.

On a cold night he sits at a side of the road
covering himself with torn newspaper silently praying to God.

"Dear God today I was lucky after a very long time.
I found a penny alone like me so shiny and bright.
I looked around and took it knowing it was wrong.
But I was starving for so many days that I even lost the count.
I felt proud as I entered to buy rather then searching bins.
It felt as if I own this world but please don't consider it a sin.
The happiness of holding that penny in the hand was the best ever.
I got a little selfish and didn't thought to share with others.
I thought to save it but couldn't control and bought a sweet.
Ah! It tasted much better than rotten meat.
I licked it a little and saved it in my pocket for the whole day.
It even fell in sand but I couldn't just lose it that way.
I was so lost so excited that I forgot to thank You.
But now I realize that I should share my feelings with You too.
So many things to sorry for but I'd thank You first for making me so lucky.
When I opened my eyes this morning, I never thought I'd find a penny.
Rather than asking a comfortable night I wish to be lucky again.
I wish that tomorrow at the same time I won't be hungry again (Amen)."