Times that we meet,
We speak
The way I prepare for you,
to turn the other cheek

Times we are apart
Conversations fill like a scar
A part of me broken
Part of me changed
A part of me complained

Evil or no evil
Thoughts fight you like a demon
A demon to me is a father to you
A mother to her
And parents

To me you are demons
Demons that claim me
Demons,
that make me feel crazy
Sometimes hazy
Lazy

A fight that isn't mine
A fight not yours
A moment wasted
No longer who I was,
before you came in

I stand here, torn between two worlds,
love pulling me forward, but fear holding me back.
over and over, the doubts which whisper in my ear,
vows of safety that promises nothing,
every beat of my heart feels like a war

yet, her eyes calls to me, filled with unspoken hope,
only I’m trapped in the shadows of my own mind,
underneath it all, I want to run to her,
torn between the hope of love and the dread of loss.

every step toward her feels like stepping off a cliff,
still, my feet hesitate, heart pounding in my chest,
suffocating in the space between what I want
and what I fear.

Fighting in the kitchen
Fighting behind closed doors
Screaming matches they won’t even hide
Threats of leaving
Who knows who said it first?
They were never happy,
So we weren’t either.

Then they split
Split months,
Split holidays,
Split lives
Two houses
Two parents
Two versions of me
Two influences in my head
Telling me who to blame
Who to trust.

I became a peacekeeper,
Messenger, translator,
Or liar

Clothes kept in bags
Packing up pieces of my life every week
Moving back and forth,
But I’m stuck in between
Just me,
Pretending I’m okay-
Trying to stay whole

I’m like this because of them.
So much was happening.
I had no one.
I couldn’t talk.
I couldn’t share.
It’s too late now.
They’re there but it doesn’t help,
I’m too far gone.

It makes me dream for something
But now I don’t know if it’s possible
I just want love
And happiness,
A perfect family
What is it like to feel whole?
What is it like to not have a broken family?

pick one out of billions
and stick to it
like spider bait
in the spider web

although you never know
when you’re caught
until it’s too late
and you’re in
too deep

the heart fills
with betrayal
and deception
or worse
the heart fills
with truth
when our beliefs
are based on lies

it’s hard to comprehend
and/or overcome

the ego gets scratched
or the connection
gets snipped

and finally,
a plumage of misconceptions
is what we’re deduced to:

that something is lost
that something has failed

but when the perspective
is turned upside down
and the lens adjusts itself

it reveals that something
is gained and/or returned

and this time
with a fresh start,
a new beginning,
a better outlook

maybe a lesson can be learned?
maybe a mistake can be avoided
by it’s reoccurrence?

maybe?

but listen,
I’m no love guru,
couples therapist,
marriage counselor
or divorce attorney

I can only guarantee that
there is another pair of
sweaty meat sacks
encased in decaying flesh
waiting for you
somewhere out there,
aching to ruin your life
all over again.

I feel the need to ****,
It's all about the thrill,

What, such things I would never do,
Who the hell are you!

Oh, I'm you and you are me,
Now I'm going on a killing spree,

We're both here and share control,
But you know... things take a toll

You're about to ruin my whole life,
Stop! Put away the knife!

No no no, my friend,
Let's see how much their bones can bend,

But if you would...,
That's not good,

I need to put an end to this!
But what are you gonna do, Miss?

I don't know...,
In the meantime I'll cut off this toe,

Just watch and plea,
I'll set you free,

No you will not,
If you could you'd let me rot,

Wait I'm no longer in chains,
From whom are these open veins?!

How many did you ******!
Oh I would go much further...

Ever since way back, when I was small.
I had dreams of a woman, I knew not at all.

Try as I might, to catch a glimpse of her face.
The moment I awaken, all I saw would erase.

Every single night, as I arrive in my dreams.
She would show me that reality is not as it seems.

Her presence is not part of time and of space.
Outside of my dreams, I can find not a trace.

I look very closely at all those I meet.
Even the people, I pass on the street.

Hoping to see her, or that she’ll find me.
Recognizing we make up, two parts of the three.

I see now that I am just farther along.
Waiting for her, to put words to my song.

Looking at time back from here to the past.
She’s always with me, like a shadow I cast

Stop worrying about things, that you know to be true.
The secret behind why, we are split up in two.

Two people will form

a community, any --


trio will split up.

Gentle seas reflect light near the island of Brac
Local men tender their allotments early in the morning
Swifts start to dart about
A local lady carries herbs and flowers down hill to the restaurants

Old men gather for coffee and cigarettes
People carry bread and cherry baklava from the bakery
The butcher's door is always open, he is working hard
Tourists sprint about in a hurry

Kids play cards as if it's the 1970's
Ladies show off dramatic tattoos on their backs
Walking down the steps to the beach
I sit near the outdoor shower and relax, getting ready to dive in

Shining lights on a Dalmatian shore
Broken little mirrors on an aqua sea
provides the backdrop for boys wrestling on a concrete diving board

Girls soaking each other with a push button tap
The thin old man in speedos intervenes
One hand holding a roll up
The other gesturing in Croatian

The setting sun behind the city of Split
Is a rusty heat haze for swallows to dart over
Truffle oil fills the air from the cafe
A couple use sign language to speak as the sea roars in

Backs and shoulders covered in beautiful inked art with Angels, crosses and devils
Pine trees provide shelter on the stony beach
Families playing cards and laughing.

The church bells signal it is time to go in
We start up the hill and look back at the sky.
A night to remember and a night to repeat.