I found a girl worth writing about but in the end I was left with nothing but words strewn across pages and pages of my journal,
a permanent ink to always remember the way she made me feel when I looked into her eyes and saw forever.

I was as fragile as paper
Yet you were fiery matches,
Striking me up and burning me down
Engulfing me with toxic black smoke
Suffocating me whole.

I was always told that because I have my father’s temper as well my mother’s insanity,

I should stay away from anything that makes my heart fill with warmth, and my eyes fill with stars

Because my natural tendency is to destroy everything good that comes my way.

It’s as if I am a hurricane sweeping through a city, destroying the beautiful architecture and nature;

With a single touch I have the capability to turn things that were once gold into a rusty penny you find on a sidewalk.

You see, I never met anyone who could make my heart fill with warmth and my eyes fill with stars until I met you

The trail of destruction I left in the past was ignored when you smiled at me

Yet I still chose to ignore the reminder echoing in my mind like an alarm.

I’ve never been one to listen to advice so,

I held your fragile heart in my hands and hoped it would be the one to break the streak of destruction.

But in the end, I ruined you 
Just like I was warned about as a child.

People show love in many ways
A note on the bathroom door
An extra brownie in your lunch box
Starting the car on a cold morning
For her it  was in her food
She cooked her emotions the way most chefs add salt
You could taste them clearly in every bite connecting your tastebuds to your heart,
If she was happy the steak melted on your tongue
If she was sad the soup made a tear glisten in your eye
But when she was in love with me
Every Bite sang in my mouth
She made my favorites every night
Life was good
But one day the bread wasn’t so fluffy
It held a melancholy note i’ve never tasted before
I asked what was wrong but she didn’t have the words to explain what she as feeling,
So I let it go
That was my mistake
Day by day, she started to crumble
So did her pies
She went from a wonder dancing in the kitchen and licking the spoon
To a hollow shell serving you lukewarm pasta that left you unsettled
I excused her behavior
I was busy she was stressed
The food was only cold because I was so late to the table
I didn’t realize it wasn’t dinner I was neglecting
It was her
If i could change one moment in my life, i’d be that night
The one where she finally felt up to baking again
We had some time together, she hummed a bit as she stirred the batter
But then she stumbled and dropped a glass measuring cup of milk she was holding
It was bitter irony seeing the woman i loved,
The light of my life,
Crying over spilled milk
That’d be the moment i’d change
I’d catch her wrist and hold her up
Just Like I promised I would
I wouldn’t fail her if I had another chance
Our kitchen is quiet these days
There's a thick layer of dust everywhere except the microwave
And around the edges of the room are tiny bits of glass
Glistening like diamonds
Or unshed tears,
Abandoned like me
But I can’t complain
After all, I abandoned her first
I should have read the recipe
I should have realized she was breaking
I didn’t see it at first
But every bite held a piece of her suicide note
If i’d only tasted it before it was too late
Now she’s gone
My hearts as broken as that measuring cup
And I’m the one crying over spilled milk

By Aknier     ~this is fictional~

in the last throes,
we were chained by bonds of my imaginings
as I tried to drag you forwards
and you were an immovable object
until the shackles broke
and the scales fell from my eyes
and I realised
you were moving too
but in the opposite direction
and I’d just been too blind to see.

Temptation red as Carmine

Tears as thick as cerulean

And here lies I shedding to your core

Vivid gradients expressing

What I need is more.

Such a strange contravene

What dwells inside never dares to be seen

Mellow yellow daydreams remind me of the laughter

But vivid gradients expressing

What I yearn for is thereafter.

Melancholy rests on mahogany busts

And just like brights, present turns to rust

How a beating flame disintegrates from the folds of my clutch

Vivid gradients fade

And submit to touch.

And the Marksman said,

"Aim for the heart, and not for the brow,

A punctured heart always heals somehow."

Through perjury

Through injury

The sting of treason

Rotates seasons.

No matter how many times I tell you
You will never know
All of your blinders up
Walls built
Soundproof
So you can’t hear my heart stop
The second I see your face
And you give me advice
The kind a best friend shares
When trying to break your slump
But it’s you
Who causes my slump every time
Ignoring the signs
Running in circles for years
But meeting in the middle
When the timing somehow suits you
And I live along those moments
Walking the tightrope
Between wanting to love you
And telling you to simply *******

All of your one word answers
Fall on deaf ears
I’ve fallen apart
Disconnected
And I’m back at the start
When we would talk for hours
And laugh at all the same parts

Washing my hands
Doing my ***** laundry
On rocks of regret
Wondering
Just what got into me
Crawling under my skin
Without my noticing
Catching me off guard
Unstable and insecure
You are the virus
Overtaking me from every angle
Until my brain is drowning
In thoughts of you
memories replaying on a loop
Wondering just how you got here
And how you’ve planned your escape
Or if you’ve decided to haunt me
Infinitely until I’ve returned to you
But that day will never come
Beaten and bruised
From the saga of our downfall
Unable to return
To the scene of the crime
The one where you mistook me
For some kind of fool
And fed me lies
Until I was choking on proof
Leaving me abandoned
Searching for the truth