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Oh my god, what have you done to your hair
Please tell me you didn’t buy those clothes with the money I gave you
What happened to the you that I use to know?
Why are you doing these things to yourself?
What have you done to my baby girl.
And there we go: that right there is just it.

Your baby girl isn’t the correct terms anymore
Don’t you remember when I was little,
All the times I ran around looking like I did.
You can’t tell me that you thought I’d really grow out of that.
When I was just a wee kid I think deep down I knew, I was just unsure of what it meant.
When I was only in the fifth grade I had a girlfriend, but we didn’t really know that.

Love, and what does that truly mean?
Favoritism, lying, shame, broken- hearted, depression, think on all of that.
Do any of the above mean crap to you now?
I know I’m not the favorite kid you don’t have to fake it anymore.
Face this, we all know that I’m the unwanted, the black sheep, bah bah.
Although I will give you that you both help me out a lot.

What is the reasoning behind this you ask, but I shall not give you the answer you want.
The reasoning is for me to explain that who I am is who I will always be.
Maybe I’ll even improve on the person I know I am supposed to be.
I know it’s not either of your faults that I didn’t develop the right parts.
I would change the way I am if I could because no it’s not easy, trust me I hate it too.
It’s a chemical imbalance they say, something you can be born with.

Why am I sitting here pouring out my heart that I already have on my sleeve?
I have no reason to believe that anything could even matter at this point.
We all know I will be me and you will disapprove regardless.
You say you love me in which I do believe that you both do.
My only thing is I feel as if I’m just not what you wanted.
Hell I wasn’t even meant to be so maybe that’s why I’m the black sheep.
Baahh Baahh cried the poor baby sheep.

Wiping the tears of my face now, I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry, mom.
I didn’t mean for this to happen, I hope you don’t mind another son.
I know it’s going to be heart breaking and mostly against God as you always say.
I know life isn’t meant to be perfect maybe that’s why I’m cursed with this pain.
The fear of it all is so scary I wish I could truly change.
I hope you know this has nothing to do with my preference in which I’m with.
For that sake is another topic we shall not address for now.

With all this out on the table now, I say it’s time to eat, feast on it with however you want my dear parents.
To the final tale about how the baby girl became a grown man no one ever knew about.
Every since I can remember I have thought it was a trap. .
I remember my grandpa teaching me how to shave with the cap on the razor, I just went through the motions ..
Playing in the dirt and plowing the field made me happy.
I ran around the house in long shorts and no shirt
My hair was never to be fixed up
You never would catch me in a dress if I could help it .
Bows were never the things I wanted to wear
Once I started to develop I was told to wear a shirt at home, I couldn't understand it.
I just wanted to be like my brother.
There is just the thing, everyone wanted me to be more like my sister. .
For a few short dreadful years I had to play my role as a girl.
Why I asked myself why did this happen to me?
Would I ever get to be who I was supposed to be?
How could this be?.
What did I do to deserve this?
Could I fix this if I try?
But Mama I'm not attracted to a guy I would say
She would be furious all I knew was I could try to make her better.
I just had no emotion for quite some time.
Only few selects got me through that rough time.
But what is it, why did this happen to me?
I wasn't switched at birth, but simply didn't develop right.
I'm missing some of my parts, you gave me the wrong ones.
These arent what feels right and it hurts, why do people stare?
Please sir, No sir, Thank you sir, yes it's joy everytime I hear it, but why can't it always be those?
Is it really to hard to have given them 2 sons and 1 daughter, then it could of been she's just the favorite because she's a girl.
Why couldn't you have made me who I was meant to be?.
The guy that I know I really am, the guy who treats woman with respect, the guy who is kind and polite,  the guy who has manners when the time is right, the guy who repects all who repects him, the guy who has a sensetive side, the guy who is just one of guys, the guy who all girls wish they had ( yes I have been told this many of times) , the guy who always finished last due to a big factor of all the parts being wrong.
Thankfully I found the girl who would love me for who I am no matter the luggage I carry.

Hurting On The Inside,
The perfect guy trapped in a female body.
Caitlin Aug 2014
If you believe in the "capital G" God-
good for you.
If you believe in God(s) plural-
good for you.
If you believe God correlates to the flying Santa in the sky-
good for you.
Believe in whatever you want to.
That is your right as a human being.

But do not- I repeat-
DO NOT!-
Think that because you have a belief system,
it makes you better than those who don't.
You are not any smarter-
or held at a higher standard than those who chose not to believe.
If you can choose to believe, they can choose to disbelieve.
Becky Littmann Aug 2014
It's nice to feel wanted
I'm not trying to be conceited
....but who doesn't like to feel needed?
helping you, so you can stay feeling unstoppable & you've succeeded
letting nothing hold you down & you're never defeated
they'll be there when you feel life left you cheated
it will bring your spirits up to know someone's there for you after you have been mistreated
as long as you learn from your mistakes & be sure they're not repeated
if they are, then from your brain that lesson learned, might as well just be CONTROL+ALT+DELETED
But this rhyme isn't close to completed
my side I must tell before they have me committed
& before you know it, insane asylum admitted
white wall padded, straight jacket fitted
& no visitors EVER permitted
So do you understand what I'm saying? Like do you get it?!
pay attention to my words very closely
they're after my happiness mostly
I'm unaware of their faces, it's done quite anonymously
unless I give in to their way & live my life forever blasphemously
changing me & my thoughts enormously
& then making me noticed famously
overnight fame & success appearing mysteriously
my childhood now seeming so ghostly
I'll leave lasting impressions & image my legacy will be known to have lived infamously
the media flooded with my stories of how I partied too promiscuously
under the constant watch of all seeing eye, making sure all stays on track & smoothly
controlled by the higher ones who act quite villainous
a high price to pay to be so important, to win quite victoriously
but I was just a slave, robot, or however you want to put it, but moving unconsciously
at first the perfect decision to get away from the bad, only it was worse & more costly
lost myself to another version of me, who took over so viciously
Now I'm "reborn" something much more deviously
this is my life now, no alive way out.... obviously
with my fancy house, expensive cars & endless appearances, my life will continue to be luxuriously
& I will always smile deliriously
.....So would you sell your soul for instant gain of wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy & glutton, to achieve fame & fortune so scandalously??
& be forever remembered notoriously
the choice is ALWAYS yours, choose wisely...
just in the end, don't take the results so surprisingly
Now you're in the constant eyes of society
from how well you do with sobriety
& your every more daily & nightly
So DO NOT take things so lightly
& hold your morals & beliefs tightly...
Be careful what you wish for that is all.
Becky Littmann Aug 2014
You say you got tricks.....
I'm waiting, I don't see anything special...
are they in your hat, or your magical bag...OH WAIT
the tricks are up your sleeve...
...BOY PLEASE... you don't really think I believe???
Wave you magic wand a couple more times
don't forget your rhymes
for magic words...
abracadabra maybe a lil' hocus pocus
What about supercalifragilisticepialidotions....****!!
hmmmm... OH NOTHING------
because you're full of **** & really, really bad lies
Oh my, my I WAS right surprise, surprise
The ball was never in your court, not a little....
not at all
You are not a royal court jester, you have no jokes
Tried to fool me, you can't, not with any of your tries
So guess what sucka, jokes on you
Rejected & through with it all
stop trying, there's no crying in this game
& don't point fingers at me, it's yourself you need to blame
I caught you up, like a private detective, some Veronica Mars skills
Be glad I'm not on a mission like either one of the **** Bills
Did you get the picture,
is it clear yet?
Probably not since you don't know how to use your mind
I'll leave you to ponder
Word of advice though so you won't be pondering forever, the answer isn't easy to see...
because there's nothing to see
If you don't get it still,
It depends on how  you feel & with rejection how well you deal
If you don't believe what I tell you now, maybe in 20 more years when you're still alone, you can see I was being real
I guess for now just fix your magical talent
more practice is required, since talent is lack thereof
good thing this wasn't a beauty pageant
surely you would've lost the talent portion, as well as overall beauty
enough with all of this mess
& your brain still trying to process
I'm NOT interested, not now & I wasn't then either
this is called rejection, my feelings won't change
I bet you're still confused like Alice in Wonderland
....I guess you'll just never understand
but I'll always have the upper hand.
Some guys just don't get it..
I don't do drugs
I don't hate on those who do
I just sincerely believe
That I would be happier without an addiction new.
Tallulah May 2014
I thought,
“her nail polish is chipping”
that one I bought her
when we got lost in rite aid
and she stole a bottle of wine
and offered me my first line
in the back of Robby’s Volvo.
Her nail polish is chipping
and she’s digging the polish into my chest
I hear her breathing moisten
and I close my eyes to her light
as if it hurts to look at her straight.
No one has ever accused me
of being a man
so I sit back and let her lips
make me feel like one.
Becky Littmann May 2014
Every night as I lay here in my bed
Attempting to sleep with my eyes tightly shut, although they seem open instead
There's too much chatter going on in my head
I feel out of my mind & yet I'm trapped inside
I'm searching for the chatters end but it's hopeless because that I'll never find
It just never quits & that's what drives me so mad, I just want to shout
"Ahhhhh!!!! LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT!!"
But why bother, that never seems to work
So inside here forever stuck, I'll aimlessly lurk
Peaces out & you couldn't even tell
Only because I've perfected disguising it so well
Yes, I'm sure by now I've got you slightly concerned if I'm sane
But only I know that & that's now my secret it'll remain
So just ignore my pointless rambles & confusing rhymes
They'll just get more twisted by the time I've finished all the lines
Only a few will get the well hidden but true meaning & understand
That's exactly how I like it & just what I planned
Still, you think you get what I'm saying or what I wrote
But that's like a boat with a huge hole claiming it can float
You're just pretending to know
In reality, you don't though!!! ;)
Becky Littmann May 2014
If you don't care enough to do all you can to make me want to stay......
I'm better off going astray....
I know you'll regret it someday....
& that you could careless with what I have to say....
Karmas a *****, remember that okay???
Because later you'll realize that I was the one you let get away!!!!
Becky Littmann May 2014
Straight to the eye
Tears fall without the sound of a cry
Cursing & swearing worse than a sailor
Profanity yelled at its loudest to the savior
" ******* *******....**** IT!!"
****, I should sit
The fast lane
To becoming mentally insane
I've heard the rumors said
Round & round they're quickly spread
I'm crazy....oh ya??....plain mental!?!
Why is everyone so **** judgmental?
I'm still exactly the same
Nothing's changed, nothing's to blame
Actually..... I'm doing really, really well
But don't think all my secrets I will tell
That will never in a lifetime happen
So please, continue to only imagine
You'll never really know the whole plan
But I am only human
Therefore my happiness will only increase
& I'll continue to keep my peace!!

— The End —