Axe in my hand,
head in the plan,
blood pools around my feet

Where I stand.

Raised in surrender,
Fallen contender,
Will you still be in front of me
When the war has ended?

Arrow in my hand,
A face off in the plan,
Guilt pools around my feet

Where I stand.

The price that you pay,
The winnings I take,
The sacrifice

I am

Unwilling to make?

Don’t die on me now,
My heart kisses the ground,
Winter melts away as the
Sun comes around.

I drop to my knees
Among the dirt and wheat
As I fall to a man
As unloving as me.

Your claws in my own,
And an evil that goads
At us
laughs at the victory

Of taking your throne.

I hope when I’m buried
Under an aging tree
I see your face,
carved into the bark

Staring back at me.

My thoughts tell me
Every day who I was
And who I'd be
In this threadlike tomb
Up above my fine pedestal
A myriad of thoughts and ideas

Love comes to me each night 🌙
And to the skies she points
My lover is a fairy,an angel
And she tells it all in her smiles
Even from miles I know she thinks
And feels how inadvertently feeble it is
To be away when yet we were next to each other..

Her breath and snores in the nighttime made me laugh
O you told me all she's a beauty and more

And in the morning sorrow comes knocking
On the doors my heart
He says you have lost a lover
Have you not shed enough tears?
Do you think you'd ever find true love in another?
No I'd blink an eye
All made in silly sighs

My grandma she died
Just when I could tell a lie
That Pain was a blessing and how selfish her children held onto her
Wishing never to depart

And yet when the day finds it way home
To the stars it went
Hope comes with renewal
Wallowing around my bile
He says work hard don't let it pile
And I'm strong by this feeling
Wishing it never left
How do you give  strength and walk away when I'm most happy?

All but sounds silly
Belief to my soul
Love to my heart
And sorrow on dusty days
My life has felt..
None the less of silly thoughts
Hidden in threads of blood and brain

i fell so void
like there is no soul inside me
once where there was joy
now there's only emptiness

i fell numb to the world around me
there is no hope for me
no one can help me
i am beyond redemption

the monster is strong
it does as it pleases
i have no choice
but to obey its voice

oh when will death set me free
from this miserable life
i am too much of a coward to end it
so i will keep hurting them

Can sorrow be lived with?
If so how much?
How much sorrow can you live with?
And for how long?
What do you do when you’ve reached your limit?
What’s there left to do?
Do you end it all?
You cannot end just the sorrow
You can’t **** out the sorrow and enjoy the rest
No you have to end it all
But then there is nothing left
So is it worth it?

Lowly, all pleasures sink;
No happiness it ever brought.
All joys that you may think
Repaint the pain you wrought,
Shall cling to you and bring
Horrors, woes, and rot.

Woe is you, woe is me—
She passes here at last.
Her voice and her shadow cast
The void that claws and stings.
Her shroud eternal, vast,
She that lives in darkness.

And beauty falls aghast by her tears;
The winding grass dances in trance beneath her marble feet.
Light couldn’t steal a glimpse of her,
Nor day or night dared to bring her peace.

For no moon shines above her head,
And the sun forgot and turned to rot
In her birthplace in the east.

All in shame in unison cried—
Angels and hellish beasts.

For devils could not stain her heart,
Nor soothe her pain, seraphims.

She that cloaks the darkness,
Her eyes that never sheen,
Made of hope departed
And all the forgotten dreams.

She knows every whining
Soul that dared to dream

In a world that is engulfed in shadow, where I drown in endless darkness,
You are the only star.
Bright against a backdrop of agony, you shine ceaselessly,
And lost in regret, pain, tears, you become my salvation.
Saviour hold my hand and pull me out,
Of the wreckage that is my life.
Know that whilst I stand at the edge of a cliff, blinded by hurt as I mourn
You
Become my sight,
My only light.
And I know you exist only in my mind.
But if insanity means your presence when I close my eyes, forget sanity.
My 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑦,
I’m ready to follow as your shadow.

Sorrow, hurt,
I'm hopelessly seeking warmth
From you who so distantly
Love

Love?
I reach my hands towards you again
But as my finger nears your surface
They immediately turn ******
And a whiplash of hurt and sorrow encompass me
Almost like I'm experiencing it for the first time again

I lament this relationship
Question my emotional yearning for you
When you so constantly trample on my expectations
I wish things were better
But I am here
I am me
You are you
You are you...

So vengeful I am in my curse on you
You're parents
Their parents and their parents
All of those who taught you such behaviour was sound
For it is I who is left with this dejection
This immense unending sadness
And maybe you felt this sadness too
And yet here you are, physically grown and yet mentally not
Inflicting this all on to me

I lament this relationship
Lament that I so constantly am overwhelmed by these feelings
So I hold it all in
And then burst in my lonesome
For who can hear my sorrows
With an ear of empathy
And a heart of understanding
No one

Silent treatment is said to be wrong
But opening my mouth just exposes me to more pain
So I resort to the numbing effect of silence
Avoiding your gaze
Avoiding your passed rage
Silence all encompassing, relaxing the muscles of my face

And so to shall pass this phase
As I shall be the one to hold my heart to warm it again