[CW - sh]

The first time,

Just needed them to notice

That I wasn’t fine

I was feeling hopeless

Didn’t really know what I was doing,

But I did it





Back then, I was fine with breathing

There was nothing wrong, wrong with eating

I didn’t really care for feeling,

But I was fine with the fact  

That my heart kept beating





The next time, the thoughts.

Too loud, drown them out

With the pain, with the hurt

A new cut, an alert

That once again, I needed help.





That time, still fine with breathing

However, had some struggles with eating

Wished I could just ignore my feelings

But I still found nothing wrong with

My heart still beat- beating



The third time, the worst time,

Chain reactions to and from

Watch as a big problem becomes

So. Much. Worse.





By then, I was aware of breathing

Had too many problems with eating

I hated all the things I was feeling

And I always had the knowledge

That my heart kept beating





The fourth time

Scar still lingers,

More annoying than stressful

First relapse in five months  





Five, six and seven,

Not a big deal, not deep

Faded away through sleep

But I was struggling.

There’s worse to come.









Then eight, nine, ten.

Worst times of my life

Friendships falling apart.

Thoughts ripping me apart

I was dying inside.

I almost died.





And at that point?

Oh, I wished my lungs would stop breathing

And wow, I was barely eating

Wished I could stop feeling

And almost stopped my heart from beating.





I’m doing better now, it’s true

Still fall sometimes, but still

I get back up, I keep going

Never alone anymore, maybe I never was

For for the first time, in a long time,

I’m glad my heart is beating.

You say you got no use for moonlight,
But darling, that’s not true
Sometimes the moon is the only thing,
Keeping you company on long nights,
After the headline fails to feed you.
You claim you don’t need no sappy poetry,
But then how come you write it in your head,
Dreaming of Santa Fe?
Santa Fe was your love at first sight,
Dreaming of a future far away.
That is, until you saw her.
Sitting in the shadowed glow,
Of stage lights down beneath you.
Those things fly out of your head,
And you start anew.
‘Cause those things were stupid anyways.

For blues sakes
Indeed. Lord
Only mistake i ever
Did was to get born.

Indeed so. Dont mind
Me, mind your soul
Wine talking said
Whispered: im in love.

For blues sakes
Indeed and only right
Were worth to save
And hour to art.

Indeed so, the only
Mistake i ever did
Was to get born
Was to wake up

For blues sakes
Indeed. In the wrong
Part of town. In
Wrong color of skin.

So indeed, im black
And im white. Like im
Drunk when i drink
I drink when im drunk.

For blues sakes
Indeed in this world
Of women and
A careless devil.

So long indeed so
Short and sweet
Lord have merci, we
Are better than seem.

For blues sakes so
If you please. God
Playing dead after he
Won hide and seek.

So long indeed am so
You pay me no mind
Mind your soul since
Well worth to save.

When you get drunk
And clown and ape
Boy, if she is the one,
she wont get mad
but pour you another one.
For the lords name
From vain to keep
And heart full of love.
Boy if she is a gal
To mean that knows
The womans place
To near next to mine
A world on the string
time on watchchain
Boy if she is the one
She will understand
What its like to be a man
In a world like this
corrupted and sold out
Left broke in middle
Boy if she is a gal
Of class she wont cry
Over spilled milk
But help you to pick
the lesser of the evils
With mind well minded
Boy if she is the one
For the heart of gold
Of only worth worthy
of the care of my son.
If my daughter sure will.
She does. Sure is mine.

After all the said and done
I cant love you anymore
the ******* is out.

Ha, hahahaha, **, hohohoho
Since the game is over
And i had won.

In our sweet surrounder
with all the *******
all around.

Ha, hahahaha, **, hohohoho
Throw the dice
Flip a coin.

Smart boys pay him no mind
As they know better
I know worse.

Ha, hahahaha, **, hohohoho
Laughing out loud
Jokin of corse.

At times still can rush
a heart a beat or two
As love it feels as once
Find it to be of no use.

At nights a bit too dark
But sleep how it suits
Mind a dream to mind
To dream of the moon.

Nights cant find a sleep
The wonders i wonder
Of times we were kings
And men were of people.

Days never minded to be
Dressed in leather coats
And in ripped blue jeans
Rascals against the world.

At now and then yet still
In sake of vicious dance
Without lead led by lead
Of the zeppelin is made

it ***** me up when i realise,
i am living like that laufey song
where everybody’s falling in love
and all i am doing
is weaving through life my own way
which makes me second-guess
whether my own way is a good way
forwards or backwards
because in this marathon of life,
i can only see their backs,
and the dust they’ve kicked up
whether they meant it or not.

Eyes closed,
His voice a soft enchantment,
Wrapping me whole.
The music: wispy, gentle,
Whispers of love lost,
A sadness that pulls.
His fragile spirit aches,
And I long to heal him,
To be the shore
for his endless tide.
The song ends,
The spell fades,
And we drift apart.