I hate being in my city in Switzerland at the weekend
I'm in a really noisy place
I'm really in the middle of all the nightclubs
All these demons of the night make so much noise that I hardly sleep
But instead I try to study and read a lot
I really regret not waking up earlier but I think I had to go through that to understand things
There are so many interesting things to learn, so many things to discover
I'm going to continue to travel, continue modelling, save money and take care of myself as much as possible
Yes, I still have my crazy side, but I'm using that energy differently
I'm an artist and I love creativity, and I always will be
But I really can't stand it any more
Even cigarette smoke makes me want to puke
Normally I'd have to move to a quieter place
I still have to stay in Switzerland for a while to sort some things out
And also to be with my grandmother
I don't want any distractions
I need to take care to my family  
My son, my cat and God come before everyone else
And I know that this world is becoming rotten and that children are becoming more and more ****** in their language and that there's a lot of fighting going on
That's why I've considered the best schools for my son, to see whether we'll be in Switzerland or not
I especially don't want him to get mixed up with the wrong people, and I'll be a very strict mother
For the moment he's just a baby and I'm giving him all the love he needs.
And as far as men are concerned, i don't need a man in my life, I've realised that he's just a burden and a hindrance to the things I want to achieve
I have men when I want them and I have who I want in the high standard of goodure
But I don't have time for that.

A primordial spark beckons consciousness to forge its way
Sensations so vivid breathing color into his gray
The spiral of change leading into ascendance of the prey
He welcomes this radiant spectrum of life to stay

Paths collide and intertwine
Follow and he swears to make you shine
Aiming for the peak where only gods dine
At grandeur’s frontier, shadows and doubts quietly align

Within his mind, a battle of virtue and vice, always in clash
Glimpses of what should be sheer happiness pass in a flash
Too occupied with the violence, the world offered him more than any hoard of cash
Help him find a way to let his weary mind refresh

It seems he wrote of this tale a hundred times before
No less expected of a man bruised at his core
He coaxes life for a dance once more
Haunted by his own ghost, he’ll never be alone on the dancefloor

Countless quests, yet the golden apple remains out of sight
Dwelling in the lust for that which brings naught but blight
He could be crowned in gold, raised to a dazzling height
He could be a rich man, if only he’d learn what is worth the fight

Que llueva con rabia, sin clemencia.
Que apague con furia y aplaque el pavimento allá afuera.
La hoja que resiste en el arbusto, que brilla la madrugada.
Y que llore las calles y las lave,
y limpie,
y corroa,
y corte,
y sane la carne abierta.
Que alargue las distancias y las sentencias.
Que lapide, inunde y borre cada rincón que fue de nosotros y que, con arrogancia de amantes, le robamos al azar y al destino.

Que el cielo llueva el llanto que no he podido llorar.

Que restaure la separación de los cuerpos, y ahogue las risas, las miradas y los gestos. Que enfríe el vapor del cuerpo amado y enjuague el sudor del **** tibio.

Y entierre las huellas que unieron nuestros caminos. Que traiga el tremor del olvido.

Que pudra el amor mal amado del hombre cobarde, del hombre perdido.

I just know I'm weak.
And now I know that
and that it's not that unusual,
I now know it better.
Like when you get to know
someone in your life better.
Like your dad - adult to adult
and you find words
that better describe him
and in describing,
you find understanding.
So it's like that.
And now that I know it better
(the weak bit),
I find that I can bear it
better
just like my dad before me.

My son’s eyes have an innocent look.
Chocolate is the color of his lips.
Clothes once clean, are smeared with ****,
Or spotted by an ice cream cone that drips.

I’ve seen damage done both day and night,
Of a magnitude you’d never believe,
Done by my son while out of sight.
Destruction Patton could never achieve.

I love to hear him sleep, yet I know well
When he is awake, there will be sound.
He’ll make ‘music’ with horn, drum, or bell.
My son, when he plays, you know he’s around.

And yet, by heaven, I love to be with him.
Even if snot is crusted on his chin.

Your baked cheddar scented hands
and your newly thinned feet
Your trimmed hair strands
and your smile with teeth
I grew you inside,
always my baby you’ll be,
if I can keep you young

A crooked, watchful smile
and shoes on wrong feet
Singing along
and bruises on knees
I’ve known you the longest,
always my baby you’ll be,
if I can keep you young

If you need a hand
walking along an uneven surface
or help falling asleep,
you’ll always know that I’m there
caring so deeply
I grew you inside,
always your mommy I’ll be
If only I could keep you young

Father please hear me, I have something to say,
These are my words, they won’t go away.
I have longed for them to be answered, day after day,
From the time I was a little boy
To the man I am standing here today
I am burdened with your silence like a heavy weight on my chest,
Living in your shadow
I have always tried to do my best.
Through every single failure
success,
Through every single fall
I have waited for something—anything at all.
Have I ever made you proud,
Do I belong?
Am I just guessing,
Was I always in the wrong?
I have looked in your eyes, they never would tell, they never would say, now you’re leaving, about to die today, I fear they never will,  I fear you won’t even try.
Still, I am here, if you are wondering why,  my heart is torn, a son who has waited since the day he was born, for a father‘s pride, a father‘s love, anything for his father to finally be proud of, but………..
Dad it is okay, if you have no words, If you cannot say, you’re proud of your son here today, then please take my hand, don’t let this moment slip away. I will always love you
Today tomorrow and yesterday.
R.I.P Stacey Lynn Stoops(DAD)
10/28/1954~08/2023