Maybe someday I can tell you

How your smile has made my heart feel warm
How your voice has given me giggles
How your opinion has made me want to shout out in agreement
How your eyes are the two things I look for among our friends
How your warmth has driven out some of my icyness
How your kindness has restored my faith
How your ideas have lit up my mind
How your passion has inspired my own
How your presence has given me peace I never knew I lacked
How your happiness is now one of the things I want to help realize
How your generosity has made me realize how closed off I made myself become
How your sharing fed my thirst to know
How your stories replaced the need to make up my own
How your support has made me realize what I actually need
How your acceptance is what I now crave above all

How I can’t tell what happened when, but I still know

You. And how much I need you to know me, too.

My friend.
You came into my room so distressed,
The musicians you loved had all been depressed
And you wondered if you might turn out the same as them,
Play the same sad songs, drink whisky and smoke.

With all the dysphoria took over compassion
Your clothes got expressive, you'd changed your fashion
You accepted you'd sit in you chair with old age
And read all the books, and imagine taking to stage.

But for now you sat beside me and said let's not be scared
You re-assured me of the life you most feared
Somehow this comforted both your mind and mine,
Dark looks for dark, it must be hard to be blind.

We shall meet again someday, you said. Doubtful.
As we walked past all the towering oak trees, so tall
And the more you had to leave the less help I could lend
Your violin still plays melodies which I can't quite comprehend.

"One day you'll find someone like you."

"I hope not."

It’s been months since I’ve written.
Now, with a shaking hand and bruised ribs,
an unforgiving mind and a whirlwind of words unwritten,
I’ll put my thoughts back on paper. Where they come from.
I want to write, I told a coworker. When I’m older.
But it’s been months since I’ve been able-
to afraid to think and too thoughtless to write,
pushing through life like a Halloween corn maze, constantly lost, yet never knowing
How or Why or Where or When.
But I feel I can- hope I can,
know I will.
So, though it’s been months since
a single word came out,
I’m taking my brain and spilling it out-
out for the world to see?

Everybody’s rushing with their lives
So they take what’s easy
They takeout Chinese food for dinner
They find the song they like online
They read the synopsis instead of the book
They say good night too early only to find themselves awake at 2 am
looking for someone to talk to
They make 3-in-1 cups of coffee
They type, they forget to write
But you darling, you’re not made for the “now”
You’re not made to-go
You’re not made for takeouts
You’re for later
You’re for enjoying lunch for an hour
You’re watching sunsets for dinner
Because time will never run out
for something that is not meant for the time being
Let’s take this moment in and stay still
We’re not for now
We don’t need to figure out how
Because darling, we’re not made for now.

You held my hand,
When I'm in the verge of giving up.
You caught me when I fell down.
Your one of my inspiration of being strong.
And everytime I think of you,
My mind kept on remembering your words.
Though I'll miss you,
I will remember all the memories that we shared.
In laughter and in sorrow,
In sunshine and through rain.
I know your there,
Someday we will meet again...

maybe you're never going to have a fairy-tale ending;
maybe your dreams of stained-glass windows will shatter before they can fully form;
but i promise you that you'll be happy.
someday you will find that person you've been waiting for,
that person who fills up the cracks you didn't know you had,
you'll drink good drinks and eat good food,
you'll laugh the laughs you weren't always sure that you deserved.
i know you've been hurt
and you've given hurt
but that doesn't exempt you from a happy ending.
maybe it won't be the kind you thought you wanted,
but life, my darling, is sometimes so much better than dreams.