When I was younger
I was stick thin.
My aunt pulled my mom aside and cautiously whispered
Do you think she's been eating enough?
My third grade teacher
gave me the nickname
Skinny Minnie,
my gym teacher told me to
go eat a cheeseburger.

Now I look in the mirror
and cannot find my younger self.
My aunt did not blink an eye
when I said
I'm not hungry.
My teacher does not question
when I bring only a water bottle to lunch,
someone, please,
tell me to go eat a cheeseburger,
because I have only eaten
two-hundred calories today
but no one is calling me skinny.

hunger is a blade that carves me
i open my arms and pull the air in
-big hug!-
then ****, right through me, nobody there.
it's only me holding myself.
my arms wrap two times
around my ribs,
meet behind my back for a secret
handshake.
i am not what was expected.
i'm so sharp-
it's cut me now i'll cut you.
come closer
closer
no, come closer
i'm gonna make you see what i see

The pain hurts,  
But it feels good as well,
I want to be be accepted
Even if I have to walk through hell

I am not "Cool"
I am not "Skinny"
I am 93 pounds
Hoping I will soon be "Mini"

Yesterday I did not eat,
I will not eat today,
I will not eat tomorrow
Or even the next day

I want to be skinny,
I want to be cool
I exercise everyday
and swim in the pool

I know this is not healthy,
I know I could die
But being accepted is all I want
I want that gap between my thigh

My friend tells me
"Have a slice of pie".
I have never told her
Of my new life.

Doctor told me today,
That I will die
He gave me three weeks
So I guess this is good-bye

Do not hurt yourself,
Please do not make the same mistake
It is not worth the pain
It is  not worth the heartache

I wanted to be accepted
I was mislead
Society is wrong
Now I am dead

There is not turning back
There is no second chance
I want to feel the sun again,
And learn how to dance

I was anorexic
I made a wrong choice
So promise me one thing:
Tell my story, be the heard voice

We are the girls who walk around with little bird bones,
rib cages ready to snap when we spread our wings and
fly away

and for my next act,
I shall disappear little by little until I am ash.

I’m not eating for four days or until
I can feel the ***** that is my stomach start to shrink

I used to refuse food for weeks
it amazes me how self-indulgent I have become

I am ready to eat spoonfuls of air
spin my hair into a models top knot and
know that water is a privilege not a right

a million screaming girls saying
“but im not hungry”
while a tiger flays their insides open at night

Kate Moss said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
and I suppose she is correct
What happens when you learn the tongue is a muscle not to be used

What happens when sustenance is no longer needed
When the mind decides
the very thing that keeps the body alive is a punishment

What happens when you refuse a necessity of being human

Today is all about being skinny.
Why do you have to be a size zero?
Don't look up to those models.
Do not make them your hero!
Why do you need a flat tummy?
Why do you need a thigh gap?

you are beautiful darling

Today is all about being pretty.
So what if you don't have blonde hair.
You don't need to be barbie.
You don't have to be that girl.
Why do you have to be popular?

you are one beautiful pearl

Don't be that girl.
Don't be fake.
Don't wear too much make up.
Don't change for then.

**YOU ARE PERFECT AS YOU ARE

she wanted to be skinny.

     she wanted to ignore the skin on her body
     until it hung loosely off her skeleton
     like a wrinkled shirt on a hanger
     that needed ironing.

she wanted to be a stick
so that she could fit through the
spaces in the dark of trees
and understand how they fed off of
themselves.

     she wanted to know what it was like
     to have knives instead of collarbones,
     carving off the little chunks of fat,
     and throwing them to the side, letting the
     festering rats devour the residue of
     fourteen years of life.

she wanted to have hips that served as
mountains, looking like the alps,
with climbers covered in furs throwing hooks
over the niches in her body.

     she wanted a ribcage that would hold
     even the mightiest bird, without letting
     a single feather breach her defenses,
     never letting a ferocious caw escape her,

because she wanted to be thin.

It's odd, isn't it? How much you miss the feeling. You miss the rumble and the noises. The applause of your insides. Such a pain others avoid- yet here you am craving it once more.
Don't worry- It'll come.
Today was your last.
Tomorrow you're done.

It shouldn't break my grounding,
Muscle under blubber under skin.

But I feel sworn into a secret club

It wasn't for lonely virtual lust
(mostly)
I just needed to remember.

I stared at that skin soft as mine
Goose bumped as mine
Folded
Bulging
*****
Curving
Jiggled
****
Unsightly
So many categories it can be tricky.
How do I know if this body was posted as beauty
Or horror?

I'm part of that club.
LIVING ORGANISM.