When I was younger
my older brother
would turn the lights off
and whisper...
"DARK FOREST!"
In a deep and scary voice
and I'd flee the scene,
like I passed gas
and didn't want anyone
to know
it was me.

would you care
if i died tonight

would you care
if i had permanent
tear tracks
down my face

would you care
if you found multiple
razors hidden in every
crook and corner of my space

would you care
if you saw swollen
red slashes
across my body

i would think not
because you caused them
and i hope you're proud
that today
your little sister
dragged a tool across
her skin
because of you.

They are starting to grow and I am so, so proud of them.
With every little achievement they succeed, they are blooming
But a selfish part of me silently cries
Because I am becoming less and less needed in their eyes.
They no longer need me to push them on the swings,
Or warn them not to pick up ***** and stinky things.
They can wash themselves and brush their own hair
And decide for themselves what clothing they ought to ware.
They have mastered Velcro and zips, buttons and laces,
But sometimes they need reminding to wipe their scrubby little faces.
They can open the fridge and help themselves to a snack
And are sneaky enough to swipe extra cookies behind my back.
They are growing quickly and will definitely be
Taller and stronger and smarter than me.
I pray for their happiness, their health and their safety.
No matter what happens they'll always be my babies.
I do and will always love them, come what may.
And I hope they will know I do each and every day.

.....before you hurt someone else
With the sharpness of. Anger.
Wash your hands clean of
The past we were given
So that you may hold present day,
Not stained by the rust
Of a saddened heart.

My brother, you are my best friend.
You know my dark is the same as yours.
We carry the memories of
A tainted childhood.
My brother..... Let go.

Some things are better not said
We cannot change them now.
Nothing they could ever say
Could take IT away.

If it's validation, here this,
"My brother, we've survived!"
Look at you. So strong,
And this life made you this way...
Not broken, not ruined, unafraid.

This weight that you carry
Must be. So. Very. Heavy.

My brother,
Let go.

"Fantastic four!" they've said before,
but I see nothing heroic here.
The four of us lack a bond of trust
and we were once so full of playful lust.

Among us are earth, wind, water and fire,
and everyone else seems full of desire
to know us and our sibling powers.

Fire, full of brutal wit and honesty,
all you are is cruel to me.
You treat me as the dirt beneath your feet.
But I am earth and I take your ashes in my stride
to make me stronger.

Water, you are vital to my health,
without you I would have no wealth--
you give me plants, ideas, and long ago
I saw you as my idol. Now I'm older
and no longer aspire to be who you are,
I see your flaws and try to be myself,
yet still partake in all your benefits,
those that you are willing to offer.

Oh wind, dear wind, you are my laughter!
I love you more easily than either other.
You give me hope, and sunshine,
and though sometimes I'm overwhelmed,
over all I'm so glad we are family.

I am earth, and I am always in shadow,
though you don't mean to put me there.
Under the radar, I love you each
and miss the days when we were young,
before envy, competition, and distance
were ever able to separate us.

I think it was when I wiped away the 57th tear
That I realized I was no longer as strong as I thought I was.
That somewhere in between the screams and the apologies
I lost myself again to the repetition of apologetic syllables.
But then I try to tell you,
Show you my epiphany of purpose,
And I remember why I cry and scream.
Why the 'sorries' can never be overdone.
I have lost you, brother.
Somewhere before the burn in the throat
And the screech of the breaks.
Sometime before the 1st tear and still after the 608th.

I cannot even look at you. You disgust me, and it's not even your fault.
You're perfect in every way possible, you're everything I wish I could be. But I'm not.
He looks at you like you're a shiny new toy, like a homeless man admires a dollar bill.
He looks at me like I'm nothing but a disappointment. But it's not your fault.
You didn't ask for it. You didn't ask to be perfect In his eyes. But still I hate you for it, yet all you want is to be like me. Which he won't ever let happen.
You are and always will be everything I will never be.

When I don't call for weeks,
remind me of the nights I stayed up
to tell you what love feels like.
Remind me of the way the sun came through the tops of the trees
and hit our twinned-skin as we pedaled through the park.
Remind me of your terrible jokes
(you won't have to).
When I don't want to come home for Christmas,
remind me of all the times you wanted to sit with me
but would never say it.
Of all the things you never understood about me
that I'd never explain (even when you asked)
Like how I cried when we left New York
And why I hated Dad for so long.
Remind me that we're friends.
Remind me that through gritted teeth, clenched fists, and rolling eyes,
I love you