You stare blankly at the ceiling
Unwilling to rise
Everyone has abandoned you
No respite from the silence
Your heart in shards
Like the vase you dropped
Last autumn
—some things shatter—


A buzz emits from beside you
Messages of a different variety
You have been abandoned by all, but one
Hello, you have not forsaken me
The shards of heart, mend
Form a kintsugi heart
Love flowers in the cracks
—some things bloom—

@toopragmaticbookworm

These lies,
Are what keep me from falling.

But these lies,
Might also break me.

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would be beautiful.
But I don't deserve beauty,
Or love,
Or glory.
I lost the love of my father,
Watching it crumble away into nothingness,
And pleading "please don't go."

I'd give anything to miss you one last time.
If I could miss you then existing would be painless.
But I deserve pain,
And hate,
And suffering.
I lost the love of my mother,
Watching it melt between my frail fingers,
And screaming "please don't leave."

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would have no meaning.
I don't deserve meaning,
Or words,
Or tears.
I lost the love of myself,
Watching it shatter into a million pieces,
And whispering "please, just go."

Shatter the mental snares that claim your mind solemnly,
Break free from the cycle of repetition that endlessly subjects you to karmic toil,
Cleanse your aura of sin to bask in radiance as your soul shines purely,
You are an essence from beyond.

I am glass

I’m sturdy
shiny
beautiful
till I crack
Then I shatter

don’t be fooled though
For even when I’m shattered
I’m still strong enough to hurt you
For when I shatter is when you bleed

So don’t push me

Or I might just crack

It is heavy—
the burden you carry.
Suffocating—
inside, you’re aching.
Will decreases—
you’re ready to shatter to pieces.

Yet, there’s fire.
Your eyes blaze with anger, desire.
Feel it burning—
all its power, deep, twisting and turning.
Let it out, then—
and escape from the weight of the burden.

Don't fall in love and your heart will thank you
when it doesn't shatter and break into
          two,
                        three,
                                          a thousand parts.

Two years ago today
Was our one month anniversary
Your father wouldn't let me come over
He never did approve of us.

Two years ago today
I loved you too much
I liked the feeling too much
I hated life too much

Two years ago today
I was surrounded by
Six half-full bottles of
Cymbalta.

Two years ago today
I emptied those pills
Into my heart and they
Infected my soul.

Two years ago today
I had a seizure in my bed
And lost all memory
Of the week leading up to it.

Two years ago today
I was rushed to the hospital
Lay shaking in the bed
Unable to lift my head.

Two years ago today
You visited me, eyes filled with
Something I'd never seen in them:
Dread.

Two years ago today
You climbed into my bed and
Held me like you thought
I would shatter.

Two years ago today
Was the very last day
I would ever have
You.