my words are not coming from my head or my mouth, my brain or my ears, they don't spawn from my wondrous imagination or from my inspiration. they do not form from beautiful imagery, nor are they created in image of any person. my poems are not forged with tender love and care that others are, they are not tended to, edited, revised.

my words are not from the heart, they are not pumped through my body to my mind, my words are not from the heart or its binds. my poems are not formed of love and emotion they are not made with the same ideas others are.

my words come from the ink that pours down my wrists and thighs that were made in mutilation. a work of "art" through self deprication. my poems come from the hurt, the pain that i so obviously crave and create. my words and poems are my blood. my bond. my ties to worldly connections.

Help, Help is what my inner brain weeps because i'm losing myself it seems becoming this nasty vile thing
Not human no not this being, for this sick thing is full of guilt and selfish thoughts that it’s done no wrong
Help i ask myself only for the being to ignore it drowning itself in teenage angst because it has nothing better to do this creature is me even as hard as that is to see , gross gross thing get help and flee from me, my body i don’t want you nor should you want me this thing is not me and I never want it to be

Counting the lines that trace my skin
Some red, some white,
Some deep, some light.
Each one a whisper:
I survived another night.

Sometimes,
I think they’re beautiful,
Other times,
I look at myself in disgust.
Maybe I should’ve never touched the blade.
Maybe I should’ve never learned
how quiet pain can be.  

The first one was nothing,
Just a scratch
“One small line won’t hurt,”
I said to myself
not knowing months later,
I still don't know what else will help

It's funny how
It's easier to open my skin
Then to open my mouth
And ask for help

I thought
           I thought
                               maybe
      if i
hurt
                       on the          outside
then it would
stop hurting
                      so much
                   so much
on.the.inside.

not working
      not working
                 why does
nothing
*******
work?