I watch as you cradle yet another beast
It's tangled fur and muddy face
They would be enough to scare off everyone else
But not you
Oh, not you
You reach out your hand to untangle the strands
To kiss the bared fangs
Because you believe in good
Because it can still be saved
I always wondered how could you be so trusting
To put your palm in the beast's jaw
You'd laugh off my worries
Saying, there's good in every being
You were right
Until you weren't
Oh you sweet fool
All beasts were once pure
But not men
Oh not men
But you didn't know that
Or you did
But you still did what you always have
You still took him in
Offered food, home, love
And that parasite grew
Until even you were not enough to devour
I don't blame you
But you didn't warn anyone
That there's a beast of the worst kind in your house
One that smells like ***** and cheap cigarettes
Oh you didn't
And I've paid for that
That beast tore me apart
When I was only growing
It defiled me
It made me scared
So much we both forgot
One from *****, one from fear
I don't blame you
But you can't save him
Not him
Because you can't save something that doesn't want to be saved
It'll reap your throat out and still ask for more
You can't save a man that ruins you
You can only suffer with him
Until he gets his hands on your niece that's six
Oh how much I wish I didn't stay at your house that night
It was filled with people
But no one noticed
How child's world shatters
And yet
You were never intimidated by any fangs
You always wanted to pet every monster
But you can't save something that kills
What is left pure

Warning-This poem contains themes of self harm and suicide.

What will it take for you to finally care?
You never cared to ask how I was doing,
and then when I ended up in the hospital,
you were all over me,
asking questions,
and telling me I was going to be okay.

Will it take my suicide for you to admit you were wrong for what you did to me?
You'll keep lying to our friends
until the day I die.
Then, you'll feel too guilty to keep this lie going,
and you'll cave in.

Will it take me carving deep wounds into my skin for you to say you're sorry?
When you see the cuts
I know you'll ask me if I'm okay because your mom is worried about me.
You know I'm not,
but we're both liars here.

Now I lay here,
in my bed, covered in my own blood,
wondering
what will it take
for you to listen to my problems,
for you to apologize,
for you to care,
for you to realize you were a terrible friend to me.

Warning-This poem contains graphic themes of suicide and self harm.

I find comfort in suicide.
When it's all your mind can think of,
it brings you comfort,
since it's just what you're used to.

I find comfort in train tracks.
It's the perfect place to slit my wrists with a razor,
while imagining getting run over by an oncoming train.
I can visualize my guts and blood covering the tracks,
as I walk along and can only hope death comes for me soon.

I find comfort in belts,
such a simple thing that's a problem for me,
because of the twelve times I've tried to hang myself with one.
Now I can't even close my doors.
"Can you keep yourself safe, Avery?"

I find comfort with my hands around my throat.
I gasp for air as I wait for my vision to go back.
My face turns purple.

I find comfort in the things you'd think would scare me.
Suicide brings me the relief that nothing else has given me.
Maybe if you knew what I've gone through,
you'd understand too.

She ponders as she lies on the bed of roses,
The thorns biting through her skin,
Pellucid elsewhere, but the stem,
Surrounding her, engulfing memory.
How did she get there? She does not know,
For this is all she feared.

The bear on her chest leaves her to wonder:
the caged giant now takes pity,
Afraid it is of the petite beings,
And afraid it is of the fiery flash it brings.
Distorted creatures, partly seen through the iron rings.

Does the beast ever pray to be elsewhere?
She ponders as the trembling devours her.
The puny-beast is now the prey,
Behind the iron, it is caged.
What is the difference, she wonders, as one twins with the other.
At this breath she figures out the answer that wages war against eachother.

Both the maiden and the beast would choose the bear.
The irony of it—now she is aware.
Rules of mankind she is reminded of:
If a bear scares you, contain it.
If she swirls your lust, cover it.
Yet you cannot sustain—act on it.

As the cotton turns scarlet,
The world now turns aware.
But it’s not the bear she fears.
It is the cold-eyes that judges.
As they still question the lass—
That lies motionless as the wounds tear.

"The bruin earned it!" accuses the chap.
"It is cause of what she wears."
She ponders as the coldness embraces,
She lies as she sheds ruby crystals,
Eyes turning hazy, feeling dazed,
Losing feelings elsewhere,
The only thing shading this pain
is the sorrow-night’s weep ablaze.
As she reaches the gate that awaits.

As two ends near-
Them and you,
These biased questions may ascend:
How old were they? What did she wear?
How did they look like? Was she rare?
But dare a man ask another,
Why did you do this?
Was it ever fair?

Thank you for trying to help me cope.
Thank you for trying to offer me hope.

But this wound goes deeper than the soul.
It's the way the world is broken as a whole.

You'll never know the crush to a little girl's heart;
The shock and fear and disgust that starts

When she learns how men will see her,
How they'll fantasize on how to use her.

When she learns her power is minimal
And she's at the mercy of men who are criminals,

That being in this body makes her a target,
And her worth is decided in the beauty market.

Every part of her free game to criticize,
And valued only as she's seen by men's eyes.

So forgive me if I have trouble believing
That the world is better than I am perceiving.

But my life is the proof that what I'm saying is true.
Be thankful you can't understand all I've been through.

There I sat throughout the trial,
whilst they sat there in total denial,
sprinkling their seedlings of doubt,
believing the lies he would spout,
throwing out everything I say,
just so they could get their pay,
without a care in the world about who they hurt,
attempting to drag my name through the dirt,
the questions made me so uncomfortable,
with every answer I felt more vulnerable,
objection!
take a look at your reflection,
you're happily defending a man like him,
so that your wallet is a little less slim,
giving no ***** about the future impact,
dismissing it all as lies when really it's a fact,
what would you do if it was your kid?
would you still defend the perpatrtor for a few thousand quid?
despite what I know is extremely true,
at times I find myself questioning it thanks to you,
I was just a child you had no right,
to contribute to the nightmares keeping me up at night,
did you ever see through his lies?
did you ever eventually open your eyes?
deep down did part of you believe me?
but the cheque was something you had to see?
you thought your performance was perfect,
but guess what, it was a unanimous guilty verdict,
and though it was the verdict I wanted,
I'm still reeling at the verision of events that you concocted,
each day in court chipped away pieces of me,
and now it's him who gets to be free,
I'll never forget how you tried to twist my story,
in an attempt to bask in some glory

Because of you my life is tainted,
By the hellish landscape that you painted,
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would've been,
If what I encountered had been seen,
But it was behind closed doors,
Leaving me lonely in the moors,
My innocent heart,
It was torn apart,
All the fragments spread,
And I'm at the mercy of the voices in my head,
They so to move on you need to forgive,
But you've left me with trauma I always relive,
Sometimes I wanna **** you and scream "F#ck you!"
And I know my parents do too,
But you're not worth the time I'd have to serve,
So I just hope one day you'll get what you deserve,
Maybe one day I can tear apart the hell you painted,
And leave my life a little less tainted

I feel so much pain inside
knowing that you are married
I literally couldn't see
how horrible you were to me
because you would mask it
with fake kindness
and because as a women
I was more trained to see that coming
from a man than from someone who was a close friend to me
you met me at such a vulnerable hard period of my life
I had just moved to a foreign country
I met you at a shabbat meal
we bonded over food
at first when we met
I was so attracted to you
I thought you were so beautiful to me
because in those moments you were .
We would go out drinking and partying
and although you were the religious one
you would party harder than me
I remember how so many times you would
leave me for dead
when we were around strange men
in the bars
and I would beg you to stay
to not leave me
I was so drunk I could barely move
and you didn't care
you only cared about having fun
and not about me
so because of you I experineced
so much violence.
I remember how I cried in those stairwells
begging him to stop
how I felt robotic
how you left me all the time
while promising to come back
how you would treat me like dirt
leave me on red
and make up some excuses for why
you are a shtty human ...
now honestly ,
You never once said I am sorry
until I begged it out of you,
you would talk to my roommates
who bullied me viciously,
became their friends
and even rented that apartment
in that house after I moved out
I saw that you got married
and although I would like to feel happy for you
all I feel for you is so much hate anger
and so much immense pain
I don't know why it took me so long
to see how much of a horrible person you are
a wolf in sheep's clothing
and soon you will move back here
and if I ever do see you again
I would love to spit in your face
and say Fk You!
No more to letting people walk all over me
and do as they please
I don't wanna care about being liked anymore
I'd rather be myself be safe and be around those
who actually see for who I am
instead of using me
for their own jealous gain.
Many times the ones who are the worst
are the ones closest to you
that you can't even see
now I am learning to trust the subtle red flags that I feel
when I meet someone so I don't meet a person like you again.

You cannot sleep?
It will come
It's the clock genes

Just come over here
and lie down with me
Close to each other
You are so sweet

It tied knots in me
that are not quite undone yet
I was a saviour, an angel

not yet used
to her body, a child
who does know heaven
but not yet earth

It recurred
Anger grew inside me
Powerless aversion

It recurred
And with others
I lost my wings
A worthless angel

Uncle touches me,

my *******, well, I will let him --


he's so pathetic.