She’s a pistol and I’m so whipped.
She’s a cure and I’m so very sick.
It’s amazing the things she thought of;
to bring a glove, if push came to shove.
I fell inlove but first I tripped.
and usually I spring back up so quick.

She said “take one more for the road.”
What does it matter if I’m not taking you home?
I only want to unburden your load,
I thought that was already known,
lost in translation like playing games of telephone.

Knock me down like Dominos,
to keep me close and blame it on when the wind blows.
Knock me down like Dominos
to keep me close and also keep me on my toes.

I’m being fully placated, for my obsessive obsession
ignoring what was plainly stated in my last confession.
Please don’t let me be hated for my sporadic depression,
because I know that it’s fated for me to leave
an impression.

She said “take one more for the road.”
What does it matter if I’m not taking you home?
I only want to unburden your load,
and make you feel high, and sigh and moan
but lost in translation like my girl Scarjo.

Knock me down like Dominos,
to keep me close and away from your foes.
Knock me down like Dominos,
to keep me close and make sure I don’t go.
Knock me down like Dominos,
to keep me close and also keep me on my toes.

I can't speak the truth that feeds on my wounds
I can't say because I survive on his provision
My voice doesn't matter, who will value me
I weep inwards, salting this bitterness
I go crazy because I can never be truly free

I loop in his betrayal
To my heart
my mind
my soul
...
my body
I was evicted out of the only safe harbour I had

Grandma said no grandpa!
Our bodies and voices are being harvested by our own!
They are yours, for your pleasure only
At our expense you've found your glory
Inherited this suffering because you did anyway

To survive, we gaslight ourselves

I can't bare to continue to live with this truth
So I breathe from lies
I put on my glasses to bypass this irk
My kids need me
My kids need to survive this monster
Let me be brave
Let me be brave just enough to live on these lies
Because their lives depend on it!

Mystical
Magical
Stub your ankle on pine
Feels like you spiked your spine
Nerves striking your system
Never ever friends with PTSD
Yet brother decides to try to help
Hands latching onto you
It feels familiar
You were on stage
Never public
Had your whole body to sell
Grabbing
Squishing
Hands leeching onto your body
Feeling your privates
You were only nine for God sake!
No matter how many times you kept saying "stop!"
Or "no!"
You felt hands on you
You had no control
Just pure grips
Just pure uncomfortableness
Yet, you'd never think that PTSD would kick in the ***
After four years, did you seriously think you'd not have PTSD?
Loud sounds trigger
Hands trigger

All you can feel is you sinking
Heaving breathing
Panicked
You can't breathe
You feel like exploding
You can't breathe
You can't breathe
You're crying like hell

.
.
.
You can't breathe?
Don't you remember
How your family member
Would choke you, nearly making you pass out?
Can't you feel their hands?
How their thumbs limited your airway
How their thumbs made your throat's airway smaller!

Look at you!
You seem so distressed!
I'm not going to be here to listen to you!
No one is!
You're all alone on this problem!
No one would care anyways

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: Themes of ****** Assault ⚠️

They told me I should be grateful,
As if pain is a prize for the taking.
“Was she hot?” they laughed,
Unaware of the soul they were breaking.

A man, they say, can’t be a victim,
Not of this—not of her.
“You got lucky,” they grin,
While my mind’s a blur.

It wasn’t luck when my breath froze still,
When my voice was stolen, against my will.
But the world looks at me, unphased, unkind,
As if my torment lives only in my mind.

They tell me men are made of stone,
That we can’t be broken, can’t be owned.
But when darkness fell, she carved her claim,
And left me drowning in silent shame.

“It’s not the same,” they smugly say,
“Don’t act like a girl; you’ll be okay.”
But it wasn’t a conquest, wasn’t a score—
It was a theft that echoes evermore.

How do I mourn what I’m told is gain?
How do I heal when they mock my pain?
This isn’t a badge, no victory here,
Just the soundless weight of my deepest fear.

Because no one sees the scars we bear,
When society’s laughter fills the air.
But I’ll whisper truth into the night
A man can hurt, that’s my fight.
I’ll shatter the silence, reclaim my right—
A man’s pain burns just as bright.

Warning- This poem contains themes of self harm, suicide, ****** abuse, and more. If these topics trigger you I suggest you don't read this poem.

"I think your scars are beautiful." Said no one.
I carry the traumas of my past on my wrists and my thighs.
I feel like a gross monster.
Every day when I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of my pattern of self destruction and self hatred.

But I don't only have scars on the outside.
Open wounds exist inside me from the events of my past.
The memories replay in my mind like a movie theater,
and I watch myself suffer over and over again.
I see myself getting sexually abused, watching my parents drunken accidents.
I see ten year old me getting shoved into a countertop and I can still feel the physical and emotional pain.

Sometimes I want to slit my throat and cut up my wrists so I can be done with the **** this world has to offer,
But I know I can't go out like this, not so young.
I know that I have things to accomplish,
and I have goals to reach,
But it's so hard carrying this weight on my shoulders all the time.
I don't believe I deserve this.

Warning: This poem contains subjects of ****/SA and may be triggering.


I can't believe the irony.
You claim to disagree with **** and ****** harassment,
But you speak no remorse for your actions of abuse against me.
You say what you did wasn't bad, but you weren't the one being ****** over day by day by the girl who was supposed to be my best friend.
You weren't the one being manipulated,
Yet you play the victim and talk about how you were molested later in life
But you never cared to take accountability and apologize to the person you put through the same misery you ended up going through after the fact,
And you never cared to think about what you did to me and what you put me through.

I know and understand that we were young,
But that's not an excuse to say you did nothing wrong.
You didn't just do this when we were little,
This wasn't just a one time thing,
You did it over and over again for four years.
It was a recurring event that happened every time you begged to come over, or begged for my mom to let us sleepover
So you could manipulate me and ***** me over even more, making me more trapped in your web of lies and deception.

I find it stupid that everyone seems to take your side instead of listening to what I have to say about this situation,
When there is proof of you being a narcissistic liar and everyone knows it,
Yet they can't believe a word I say no matter how much I say it.

I don't even mean for this to ruin your life,
even though you ruined mine.
You left me with flashbacks and self destructive patterns I've become used to.
You made my life a living hell.

I've heard that you think my scars are ugly,
But they aren't nearly as ugly as your hideous personality and your manipulative tendencies.
When I see your face or think of you it makes me sick,
Almost as sick as I feel remembering what you put me through,
Like making me touch you, making me make out with you.
I never even wanted to do that in the first place,
I knew we were too young,
I wonder what everyone would think if they knew you were a sexually abusive *****.

my mist expires in your atmosphere
linen sheets adhere
around my throat, no fear
smell pheromones in the air
it's crystal clear, my dear
i am amiss without you near

self-controlled
white-knuckle hold
now conquered
cold and longing to spy a songbird
if only for a single moment
and nothing longer
i am somber but mighty fond of her
strong enough to say it still
and stronger now to do
smart enough to ponder it here
but dumb enough to squander it too
red hearts are lies
beating blood flows blue
it is true, did you hear?
i'm amiss without you near

i thought we were musketeers
turns out you're the puppeteer
pulling my strings, was as I feared
another way to ingratiate and endear
while I'm tied here waiting to hear a footstep
to take the next step
another level for this intimate project
but from this aspect with all due disrespect
you subject me to intense neglect
you're a ****** architect speaking scintillating dialects
only I can connect but I am a bad girl... so I guess I deserve it

my favorite show now that you mention
is when you are standing at attention
you brighten your eyes and your voice changes inflection
my indiscretion becomes your intention
but I digress, and bite through, throughout this blissful rendezvous
as we float like a feather into the bedroom together
past dawn until noon
it must be true
i am amiss without you

what fear did she feel when she was told that her womb would carry such a deity?
did she feel the fear that my heart did,
after he used my body as a play thing?
how heavy did her chest feel at the thought of loving a holy human being?

how long did she spend deconstructing her own virginity and actions?
mulling over what she may have blocked out of her young memory

did you feel violated, my dear, while you scrutinized what had happened to your body?
did the lack of violence scare you?
how frightening was the son of God, lodged into your fragile womb?

oh how i long to hold you
reassure you that you are not the grime that you feel deep in your gut
you are merely a girl, carrying the burden of the world’s greatest gift
but you never as much even volunteered