8/11/2016

i want something electric, so vivid and blinding that it leaves an imprint in my vision like walking into a dark room after being in the sun
i want passion so rare it leaves me foraging for whatever's left of me by the time you're gone
i want to speed down the coastline [evolved yet unchanged]
i don't know how to unglue myself from what you are
maybe i'll keep giving into the callousness in my heart that's been growing like a cancer since the first betrayal
you've used those lines before
they're carved in me with lingering pains that things are an illusion and i'm here to boost your ego
i've played this game long enough to know who the bad guys are
but what if i'm the bad guy for escaping something stable and unwavering
for a toxic replacement
[albeit you're pretty easy on the eyes]
teeter-tottering between saying something and actually doing it
my soul on a string like a tether ball where the players are you versus everyone else
and you say one thing
one tiny, insincere affirmation
my mind goes around the pole in circles until it's completely wrapped around the edges the way you have me singled around your rough fingers
creating knots out of my insides
yet all of your red flags fly violently
so i swing the other direction
loosening at the peak before you come back around and hold me like a child again
a vicious cycle
dangling a dangerous scenario in front of me like an animal eyeing food until it's clawing at your leg to rip it from your hands with their bare teeth
even in my fair share of evenings i was better off not having, you're miles ahead
pretending to be big kids an adult's world
and my mind goes miles a minute at the thoughts
you're not helping slow it down
you are no more an animal than i

8/12/2016

a single space and two bodies  
you are drawn to the same air as i
but only (and only) sometimes
i wait for the message
that says "hello beautiful"
sift through the crowds to reach you for "goodbye"
and those days always come and go
when they're here, they're here
when i have nothing to show for myself
i can't stand to be next to a mirror
picking apart all the things you say you love about me
up and awake wondering when you'll set your sights on a new shiny distraction
i don't believe in putting a padlock on handcuffs and swallowing the key
nothing gold can stay
yet my mouth waters at the thought of pulling you in
but this place is a social experiment
where you and i can be whoever you want
i am a social chameleon
adjusting to whichever patterns and personalities fit my surroundings
believer and doubter
but the light and darkness aren't ambiguous
just the shadows between
and that's where we'll be
if you let me

I've seen where those images
Take root
Trying to till them
New flowers need to grow

an angry argument thrown at an opponent as arrows shoot across the battlefield over an expensive bottle of Cabernet.

walls and borders mapped out in thick pencil lines, they hastily marked their territory before it all drowned in earthy blood-red.

Fresh pepper, sir?

W o r k  
   S l e e p  

W o r k  
   S l e e p

ATE TOO MUCH                       DRANK TOO MUCH
Never smoke enough.                Never wake me up.

Tip me with MONEY not love.
And please, someone tell that
phone to s h u t   t h e   *******   u p .

serve em, & serve em.
Carrying plate after plate.
Waiting tables is my life -
anxious to meet the right
person see my awesome light.

put my pretty smile on tv,
my strong message on the radio,

With each laugh I create
I start servin smiles instead of plates.
each word I say,
I'll act as if I'm on S T A G E .
a new day is the day I am swept away!

At the beginning, when lighting this fire,
I thought I was just playing with matches
until I realized that when my plan hatches
I've got it under control.
Fire fighters can control fire,
but they can't control desire
and now I have lived in my human pyre,
the feeling of hell on razor wheels
down in the pit of my stomach.
The feeling that keeps you up
and makes you write til your numbers up,
and I couldn't stop it even if I wanted,
this task is my final gauntlet,
so I go crazy not to squander it.
It only happens once in a life time,
and it ends whenever the clock chimes,
so I fight to keep that minute hand
from going one measure further,
but I can't fight a time marked brand,
so in the end I will be the server
of all who fight until the end
of the struggle, to help those after me
so I'll cry for others to hear my plea
to treat others right until the world can see
what they've done so well.

I'm amused with the way
you act as if everything
should be handed to you.
As if you are greater
than everyone else;
as if you've somehow earned
a silver platter
severed to you.
-JRM