‘Ive been thinking.
        about the past.
our past.
        all of the memories
so
    many
memories
        oh how i miss what i left behind
what
    we
       left behind

that’s enough
        I can’t take it anymore
if youre going to
        TORTURE
me like this
        im going to take the chance’


I spin the wheel.
    Click.
      Click.
        Click.
    Click.
      Cl­ick.
        Click.
.
.
.

.
.
.
Click.

I was lucky.
                Maybe it’ll work next time.

“I believed them.
I trusted them.
   I was convinced
That these harmonious times didnt have to come to an end.
   But now,
I’m descending
  down
        further
                and further
                           back into the CACOPHONY

I can’t go back.

    Stop playing with my heart.



Just leave me be
to my own devices
                to search
                                or be sought

for myself
  or another
       that has yet to make itself clear


         i’ll lead myself”

I think of X.




                          memories

to those out there that I have met,
     possible friends that Miss the mark,
the
      bull’s
              eye
                     X.

You were early morning fog that keeps rolling in on grassy hilltops.
Green covered in red and yellow and brown; a place where the living meets the dying.
Cool, minty breath, and the image of you rolling down that hill with a pumpkin in hand will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Orange hair, dark freckles on your face, pretty black tights and a bright yellow jacket that was almost too obnoxious for the beginning of September.

"When did the Autumn become the saddest season?" I asked her as she sipped her coffee as black mascara fell down her pink freckled cheeks.

The Sea was your favorite place to be- you were sitting with your legs submerged and your blonde hair falling along the curve of your shoulders-
When the waves came rolling in I remember you jumping up and laughing a laugh that would have made the gods envious-
You wore big, black sunglasses and a dark red bathing suit that covered the most sensual parts according to society-

But I loved the curve of your back and the way you shivered when I ran my fingers up towards your spine-
I loved your clavicle and how you smiled when my lips kissed them softly --
I loved your long, smooth legs, and how you wrapped them around my waist-

"What happened to us last summer?" he said to himself when he saw her at the beach with another man.

Nerves are running wild,
my breath is slightly hitched.
Anxiety's creeping up on me,
I can barely think.

Afraid of disappointment.
Afraid to disappoint.
One step before the other,
prepared for someone new.

He charms me with a smile,
then extends a hand.
My palms are getting clammy,
and my pulse is racing too.

The breeze flows in from the door,
the sun is shining bright.
Currawong's singing in the trees,
With the aroma of bitter coffee.

We breeze through introductions,
sit and chat for a while.
There I thought it was going well,
until he developed a temper.

With no good reason he seemed to snap,
started causing a scene.
Sinked so low into my chair,
of course this happened to me.

Some time passed, he calmed himself,
but i think i'd made my decision.
got to the end and he turned to me,
"We should do this again".

"I don't think this is going to work",
I said sorry then took my leave.

Barely holding on to,
Yet striving not to fall apart.
Yard by yard,
life is indeed hard.
Yet inch by inch,
It shall be a clinched.