Dear Ela

    I wish I could put into words
    The way you made me feel—
    Loved and worthy, proud and strong.
    You helped my heart to heal

    So many times you held my hand,
    So many times I fell.
    So many days I’ll miss your voice
    When we’ve finished this farewell

    Thank you for all that you’ve done
    For choir (and for me)
    I wish you success, good health too
    And that you’ll be happy

With love, that one junior who always cries :P

I'm counting down the days
just get through this week
and I will be free
free from this school
I will walk across the stage
and never look back
just get to Friday
and all the classes will be over
at this wretched school

the day is nearing close and closer
the day I wear my cap and gown
and walk down the stage
and get handed my diploma
the day I no longer attend high school
the day I leave this town behind
to start my new life
and new beginnings

If freshman year was aspirational
and sophomore year was unhinged
junior year was put up or shut up
and senior year is a dash to the finish line

This year’s on fast forward—and it’s for keeps
every to-do list has value-laden questions
things seem sharp edged, single use and intense
it’s all about trajectories and ‘landing spots”

Let’s wax poetic..

Produce now, or spend fury on thyself—all else is untenable
we’re past youth and ignorance—your honour’s at stake

Suitors call you by name, like well-acquainted friends
they took your measure—you’re beyond the mark of others
they ****** with money—the future brings liberty and noble deeds.

So don the the garland and prove thyself—take the field
join the battle—now’s the reward—aidless, perpetual toil
with every motion be right, it’s thy shunless destiny.
.
.
A song for this:
A Man of Great Promise by The Style Council
Headstart For Happiness by The Style Council

COUGH COUGH! BLEGH!
I’ve come down with a case of “meh”,
I’ve got tremors and shakes
And “that’s due today??”
Nearly putting me into bedrest.

There’s so many things that need doing
And I truly cannot keep assuming
That I can avoid
The results of my choice—
I jumped in the ***, now I’m stewing.

Will this be my undoing?
One might have guessed
That I’ve quit and I’ve stopped
In an unending rest,
Am I still the best?
My grip, it is slipping:
Like an old, beat-up ragdoll
Whose threads won’t stop ripping.

I’ll never forget senior night
when I first noticed you
after our last home game of the season.

I was at the game table,
broadcasting on the radio
my plans after high school.

I notice you starring me down
Ms. Hazel eyes.
biting your lips, smiling.
waiting for me to finish.

Glancing at you, ending my interview quickly.
grabbing my full attention.

Walking over, to approach you, I said:
“I remember you love
from earlier in the season.
nice to see you again lol
here’s my number
come see me tonight.”

Last first days, time ticking
My time at high school falling
I should savor the moment
Live in the present
Before it all turns to dust

But how can I feel okay
When you're weren't here to stay?
You said I'll be fine and that I should be happy

I feel so disconnected
I'm going through the motions
And I don't know where I'm going

All my relationships feel meaningless
Can't compare them to what we had
Everything is changing so fast

Fighting, waves of the past, drowning
Screaming, but no one is listening
The world without you is so, overwhelming

I wish I weren't this complicated
I wish I could just live in the present
But my mind keeps going back to you
Without you nothing makes sense....

Guess I'll just keep feeling disconnected
And going through the motions
And not know where I'm going

Feeling like all my relationships are meaningless
Can't compare them to what we have
And face the fact
That you, and everything is changing too fast

Boy so young,
Had his life in his hands
With the plans of playing soccer in college
Just one accident took that all away
His friends stayed by his bedside
Getting ready to say their final goodbyes.

They stay,
So he won’t be lonely
They sit and start desperately praying
That he will pull through
And this life won’t end so shortly.

They’re men.
“Tough guys.”
So they refuse to show their tears
Behind their shocked.
Broken. Hearts.
Their minds are left
Racing with thoughts,

Boy so young,
Had his whole life in his hands
With plans for his future,
Just one accident took that all away.
Life is truly only a temporary state.

All we can do now is pray.

I live in a time when we hide our faces
I live in a time when we still fight for equal rights for all races
I live in a time when school shootings are the norm
I live in a time when history is taking another new form

I live in a generation who jokes about death
I live in a generation who laugh and cry in a single shaky breath
I live in a generation who don’t believe the truth
I live in a generation who never had a happy youth

I live in a world while I scream and shout
I live in a world while no one lets me out
I live in a world while I am trying to cope
I live in a world while I cling to hope

I live in a place where school children are waiting to die
I live in a place where boys are told that “real men don’t cry”
I live in a place where dreams are killed
I live in a place where a higher death count means our leaders are skilled

Still, I live
In this place,
In this time,
And I will survive.

I live in a house
I live in a home
I live in a body I can call my own

I live in a bubble I’m trying to pop
I live in a mind unwilling to stop
I live in a note, a powerful song
I live in a voice that is still singing strong

When news of the pandemic reached my high school, no one was thinking of the impact that year.
We all thought that the government would never close our schools.
They would leave us to die, and we would wait to be killed.
The first thought when we were told that school would not be the same was, well this just means I won’t die by a bullet while trying to pass geometry.
When did trying to survive high school become so literal?
I am terrified that I will never hug my friends again.
I am terrified that I have had my last moments in high school.
I wanted a graduation.
I wanted a prom.
I wanted to sing and perform.
I wanted to be somewhat happy.
I don’t know how to stop this pain in my chest, spreading more and more hurting me beyond anyone’s comprehension.
I am so alone, and yet I crave the quiet.
It’s too loud, but no one is singing.
I just want to have the memories that everyone has.
I just want to hug my best friend again.
I want to worry about college, not how and when, and where I will die.
I want to be a kid, for the next few months.
Because this is the last chance I’ll get.
And the end of my childhood will be marked by months of being alone and devastated.
I just want to be a kid while I still can.