You may think I am chasing a dream
Maybe it's a dream Maybe it's an illusion
Does it really matter?  Why do you care?
What am I with nothing to dream of?
Everybody needs an oasis to lust after
Would you rather have me dig my own grave
and lay there silently until it is my turn to die?
I tried that I turned into an imbecile
So no thank you (she said politely)

I want more than to be the living dead
I always did I always will

They want my skin
They colored it with their favorite crayon
They want nothing to do with my blood and dirt
They are as dead as the undead
and I want nothing to do with them
I don't have to please anybody
(again, she said politely)

I only want to please one,
my own oasis

Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.

In my life appears humiliation,
It always reminds my desperation,
Highly bitter is its compensation,
Found the real me, in its reflection.

Hello HUMILIATION!
A small thanksgiving conversation!

You slowly accelerate my life, as a catalyst,
Transform my life like an alchemist,
For successes you stand to assist,
From sorrows you help me resist.

In me, I introspect, I retrospect,
Who am I? Who am I?
Conducted tough exams with a sigh,
There came out a lesson on self-respect.


Deep down! Deep down!
Thankyou architect! My dream was sown,
You gifted a life lesson worth to protect
Every dog has its own self-respect.

Your lessons killed my sorrows,
Like a thunder turned by eyebrows,
I faced human minds, highly narrow
Trying to push me into a deadly burrow.

I knew you are a pinch of salt,
You never let me halt,
To all difficulties I gave back a jolt,
With you, I started to exalt.

Can you do me a favor?
can you kindly stop talking to me
Your rude and inappropriate comments need to stop
im tired of allowing you to get away with the way you talk down to me
simply because i feel sorry for you
You know, being that you’re a new father and all
i can only imagine what its like for you at home
Your wife’s giving all her attention to the baby
the sleepless nights
no recognition for your hard work
it must feel like you’ve lost your sense of control in your own home
and what better way to regain that power than to belittle those with a lesser ranking than you
and even more so, those that you feel like you can get away with talking to, like the way you do to me.
i remember one of the first times you said something to me.
I was new to the department, and things weren’t exactly in my favor
considering i was filling a mans shoes while he was away on vacation.
A strong, hard working man who knows the ins and outs of being a stocker.
Hell, if he really wanted to i wouldn’t doubt his ability to re stock the entire department by himself
This wasn’t an equal opportunists position. I physically did not have the strength to meet the demands that this position so heavily weighed on every employee.
No wonder they place all the females in clothing department, its the lightest department by weight of merchandize. and who better to give the tedious workings of folding clothes to than someone who already bears the responsibility to day in and day out inside their own home.

So, here you come along, and rather than helping me to play catch up while i build the  physical strength to keep up and critique the skills that are required to make my work presentable and worth noticing, you continued to put me down for being the weakest link.
I brushed it off
Directed my frustration towards simply just doing a better job than the day before.
One day at a time, id tell myself. Things will get easier.  
I can go back to that same position today and clearly note the improvements that I’ve surpassed within my own expectations. If we are to be fair, i owe in part, some of that success to my ability to translate your snooty comments into something pro active and constructive.
If i had just spoken up then, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten as far as its gotten today.
Maybe
just maybe,
if i had the courage to stand up for all of the things that you represent. All the things that reminds me of a dark past of being taking advantage of without the power or consciousness to say otherwise.
Maybe -
just maybe ..
but just like that night that still strikes me into paralysis, i become stiffened as your words take advantage of me, only this time i’m awake to feel every jab. Just like that night, those around me are misguided by your ability to a likable person. They don’t question who you are and what you're capable of, because how could you? You are a hard working manager, you make people laugh, and you clearly have a way with your words. Imagine if this had been 2008, when i was still deeply broken and unable to rationalize between what is true, and what you want me to believe is true. Imagine, if i had not yet invested so many years into growing my self worth, my self esteem. Unable to look at myself in the mirror and realize that i have so much to live for and that the exact person that i am today is exactly enough to be whoever i want to be.
I would already be dead.
My soul would have suffocated and be rotting away inside of me.
I would be a walking zombie. Any self esteem would have been re programed into self doubt and hatred towards myself for not being liked by someone who should be encouraging me to be better.
But im not that person.
Unfortunately, you only get ***** once.
After that it's just an attack on the body you once thought was you.
I am no longer this body, and your words cannot hurt the foundation that I’ve constructed, literally, from the ground up.
I am much more than that. I am everything that you fail to see because you’re so busy being demoralized by your own darkness that feeds your mind into thinking that you’re not good enough. It spills out of you and spreads like a disease to others that don’t have the proper vaccinations to resist it. Just know, that you’ll fall way before i even begin to feel weak. You’ll slowly begin to cave in, and your walls will crush you to the bottom.
To the
cold
hard
rock bottom.
And then,
only then -
you can come talk to me.

I’ll never start a fight
Indeed you start the flame,
And I’ll explode
Perhaps it’s my crimson hair that attack’s my soul
But stereotypical propaganda aside
I have nothing to hide
Indeed you call me out
I’ll trash your name
I live for love and peace
But there’s only so much hate one woman can’t escape
I beg for release
And pity your air
You walk with your noise so high
All just to hide your shame inside
All while making me look the fool
But I refuse to take blame for something I didn’t do  
I’ll never start a fight, it’s beneath me
But I will finish it
And sometimes it’s in the unlikeliest of ways
But the best part is really just not caring what the hell you say
Your words rot and decay like ash to the wind
I like to blow them and spit fire, it’s just the way I am
I don’t take any kinda mess or fuss
It’s beneath me

©Jessica Stull

Even if I miss you
(so bad)
it does not mean that
I need you anymore
some things are better
apart from each other
so as we.
there are questions
that do not demand for answers
just as we
we are the question
that is left unanswered
and I think that's better
not all answers are good to hear
and definitely not all are true.

Birds have their homes.
This bird made this world,
Its own home.

When other birds struggled
To make friends beyond their homes,
This bird made followers and comrades,
Transformed them
The perseverent leaders of a challenging mission

It put its foot on Argentina and
Set its victorious fight in Cuba.
Availed losses in Congo
Voiced and breathed every millisecond
Struggled recklessly for a mission,
Freedom, peace & prosperity of all its fellow birds
Beyond borders.

The most superior of the superior birds
With an infinite and complex strings of cunningness
Put an end to this bird in Bolivia.

At the end, the bird failed
Fell a prey for other selfish birds.
As a root that fell and
Buried itself in the soil with an infinite power.
To give hope and shelter,
To all those who come under it,
For the near future and coming generations

The bird died!
But its mission ignited the phoenix flames
In its bird comrades.
Got them to fight for
Every drop of Injustice, Imperialism and hatred
That came racing towards them
As an inescapable bullet

Their hearts raised in spirit
When every drop of its thought
Hit them more fierce than
The world’s most powerful atomic bomb.

The bird died.
But its ideals for the mission
Rekindled the fires in their heart.

Being born an ordinary bird,
Fighting for the most demanded & toughest mission,
Its thought and principles
Set new leaders to fight the unattainable mission
Now, looking the most possible
Within an attaining distance

The bird lived its life,
An ordinary and the most challenging one.
But transformed a phoenix,
When it left the world.
And created more of
Daring Phoenix warriors;
Attain a world filled with peace and happiness.

We, the voice of the most oppressed,
Work in the profession remaining the most humble,
Throughout histories, as slaves our lives still remain tumble,
With our strangled necks, we are deliberately suppressed

For the centuries, our voices remain unheard,
Like a weeping fish at the sea,
We are treated zombies at the rush of a blood,
Collecting by hand, the human society’s poops & pea

Things for us got intensely worse,
We work as a group with an isolated curse,
For our livelihood, go into manholes as bare-bodies
Mostly get out as dead-bodies

From pathology to oncology,
We are treated untouchables, even by the modern technology
We are the oxygen-offering trees that remain green
Hurting ourselves, collecting excreta making this world neat &clean

With our hand-cuffs we shout and fight,
Rulers remain drunken-deafs to our plight,
Hell with your knowledge, to those who go to college
And keep pushing us to the drainage,
We remain living dead and frustrated, to get our right

When asked about work, we remain dumb and blind,
Fearing the responses to our ***** revelations,
Because humans are unemphathetic and unkind
To get our life some elevations.

Our mind said us “Please think! Please Think!”
When we revolt not to work, societies stink,
We warn, Witness your locality *****,
To our sufferings, if you keep blank & empty.

We are a collective voice,
Representing inhuman humanity,
That keeps the society on a poise,
So raise your voice, with a clarity of choice
To get us work with the utmost dignity!

You can't add sugar to my personality
boy i'm not as easy as coffee or tea
today i'm sweet as honey
tomorrow i can be sour as lemon
so choose your words wisely