(Recurring Reflections And Beliefs)

Birthday after birthday
i keep looking back...
and find five girls always on my tail,
i see them as my regular paparazzi
when i am in my busiest moments,
when things work out adversely,
against all my best efforts
i find them still tagging along with me...

And then,
i look back at my most trying times
i recall those epiphanies that came to light my way,
how they guided me through,
until i was out of the dark tunnel...
.....until that MOMENT came
when i could hear with just one ear,
i have no regrets, though, or anger within,
for, i could still hear the leaves rustle
when a light breeze blows...
i hear even the dry oak leaves
as they hit the ground,
or when an empty plastic cup
is blown by the wind
from corner to corner of the street...
these days, i am more aware
of the bees buzzing on top of the flowers,
the birds, scattering seeds, helping
create new lives on the ground.....
i still clearly hear the hummingbird flapping its wings,
hovering, as it drinks from the bird feeder,
even as dusk sets in...
i hear the mockingbird...as it closes its wings
and roosts on a pine twig.....

One vital truth keeps me going-
i still have my one good ear
my eyes, my arms, my feet...
always, i am reminded of this question:
why did God endow us with two eyes,
two ears, two hands, two feet?
we lose one, there is still the other
in our daily lives, the same thing applies
among our loved ones and friends,
we lose some, we gain some....
some doors close, another one opens...
second, even third chances are ever waiting,
a fresh start is always there to be claimed...

In this stretch of my life,
i still am faced with choices on paths to take,
those once transitory thoughts
still visit and within me, they stir..
but, reason and good judgment
rise above all...

.....these things, i have realized---
most of what i wanted then...and didn't get,
i have now let go....
selflessness is inevitable,
there are people...things...to be prioritized
over  our own happiness
understanding is important
.....seeing myself here, now,
.....i am happy,
.....i am no longer there
still, i am glad to have been there...

When asked the most puzzling questions,
i have learned to turn
to the wisdom of the children,
i always, always have but one answer....
"...just because...".

At this point and time,
life, still is not perfect...
but i have known how to be calm,
as i face each new day...
perfect, or imperfect,
it doesn't matter anymore,
heart and mind have been honed,
for this knowledge overrules all others:

God is beside me, He is behind me...
He leads me,
He's got me covered...
i have nothing to fear...

(November 13, 2013)


Sally

Copyright November 2013
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

It is painful to die...

That's one thing that pops out of my head when I think of dying.
Before, I always think it was easy; or easier
But it was *selfishness.

Daily separations made me numb, or rather; pulled me away from selflessness
But everything is different, from a different eye.

I don't have the heart to leave you.
So.
I'm going to make you hate me.
You say you love me with all your heart
Now.
You will forever hate me.
I know I am so very selfish.
But I'm doing this for me and you.
I have to be alone.
There is no other way.

If you were to come along
and see the beauty
through my gentle eyes,
without having to rip the skin
from my flesh to search inside.

From an old Spanish galleon
sleeping under covers of sand and shells,
I would dive to steal us
the finest wine,
for you my love.

then i would slice up the moon
to add them to our crackers.
and if we kissed in the darkness
with no question on our lips,
i'd love you even more.

I exist out of force and because I can

I rule me KNOWING the end result

                  Defiance at all costs!

I struggle with a growl
          
                                     Reality never sidesteps my graces

    RAGE is too much like WORK

                                                        Crucify me while I take quiet revenge


Self satisfaction with a a touch of JOY

                                     YOU only wound me

Bittersweet Symphony on at HIGH volume

                                         NO TREBLE!!!

I laugh at your mortality

                                                                 And live rent FREE

                   In your head!

Can you see the blue sky,
Birds are flying so high,
Shattered clouds are moving by.
Let shine your soul so dry,
In that pride you see yourself fly,
Her blue moon time will be your witness tonight.

There's beauty in owing no man.
With lion arms for tender grips,
You do the things no man can.
With you I yearn for afflictions' lush lips.

To light a spark and watch it go up in flames
Listening to the beating of a frail heart-song
Their only thank you is a grasp of your finger, the butterflies in your heart

Tall against the memphis night, You shine like the star
Your frame strong but eyes as soft as a bubble
A shy smile as clear as the sea
You truly are beautiful!

In what is being given,
To you at this time,
Take this energy of living,
And deal with this alterity.
The more you give to feel fine,
It becomes your divine responsibility.
You will receive this light of heaven,
The more you feel your mankind !

Listen shells moving back and forth,
Upon the shore of this uncharted beach,
Catch that untractable equanimity.

There are no more smiles,
Only ghostly shadows of each,
In your loneliness of her silence.

Erase the swirling shades of your emotions,
As last ondulation traces of this swell,
Which streak the sand with force.

More than thousands miles,
Both of you travel on to nowhere,
In the greyness of your cogitations,

Breath deeply and take this chance,
Time to let her go, head straight,
To surf that rolling wave, intensely.