you hear the call
you answer the call
you follow the call
you chase after the call
but after all
who is calling
who is taking the fall
who are you leaving behind
back on the wall
an empty hall
shouting empty calls-
who are you leaving
to pursue what you are believing-
who is at the back hand
of your swing-
who is carrying the burden
that you’re carrying-
who takes up your cross
as you carry a wooden symbol
claiming that you hear the call-
i sit and wonder if you heard nothing after all
except the voices inside the heart
where deception befalls-

officially it has been two years,
unofficially one.

I am happier elsewhere, and I can imagine you are too
still you remain
my inspiration for poetry,
art,
and my thoughts.

when I see her there with you,
I am not sad,
and I am not not happy
mostly, I wonder —

do you think about me still?
do you compare her to me?
I did, I compared him with you

even though I promised to him and myself
that I wouldn’t

but the mind does what it wants

do you fight like we used to, loud and aggressive?
or does that require years of confidence built up by baby love

do you love like we used to, admittedly & comparatively selfish and shy?
or was that our teenage bodies remaining in us past our 20th

mostly I try to remember how being freshly loved by you was
so much intense frustration, in all ways,
endless giggles, but often nights with dawn sorrow.
of course, I need to remind myself that there was bad
my mind tries to only highlight the good with you

mostly I wonder how such intense fighters
could turn to such formal friends
and mostly, I am disappointed that you haven’t
told me about her yet.

It burns,
The way it creeps.
The wrongs all done.

Culprits I let get away,
For I found reason.
In actions which led to dismissal.

It wasn't as bad.
The past proved worst.
New pain is here.

A new form of mistrust,
Swirling in my head.
Moving to my heart.

Saying you knew better.
The knives will eventually,
Create their own wall.

My blood truly hasn't,
Spilt yet...
Though I fear,

One day I will pull,
Pull them all out.
By myself and let it pour.

Truly I will then,
Be no more.
I will have nothing more to give.

No room for another.
Errors I make,
Will no longer haunt.

Nothing, that sounds pleasurable.
Makes sense to me,
To prove myself, that is me

Not what rises from,
This pain.
Is it not better?

[G, D, A, A]
Losers never gamble
The house, it always wins
It's easy to get to heaven
Still gotta pay to get in

On the road to the end of the line
No need to hurry, we can get there slow
The Devil tried to buy my soul
I said, "I'm sorry, sold it long ago."

Money can't buy you happiness
A lesson most can't afford to learn
Took a fire, set it to all my bridges
Sat back, relaxed and watched them burn

[Chorus]
[D, C, G, G]
All my life I've had many names
Saint's never been one
If the road to evil's been paved with good intentions
Well then, guess it's better to have none

I won't change just because I can
I want you to want me for who I am

'Cause I'm a selfish man
And I can't give a ****

So won't you lend me your heart sunshine?
You can't have mine because it's mine

[G, D, A, A]
Can you help me ma'am? I'm trying to stay lost
Got turned around but I still know my way
Like to forget that tomorrow's coming
Now I just wish it were yesterday

Don't know where the hell I'm going to
No idea where I'm supposed to be
If you're not there when I arrive
Then I guess it doesn't matter to me

Way too late to end things now
Way too soon to say goodbye
I could tell you things will last forever
You want the truth, then don't ask me to lie

the next time your mind goes on wondering about it again, remember this. every love story has ended in tragedy whether it be death, war, or sickness and i will consciously never let that happen to us even if it means i dont tell you how i feel and you wonder why you deserve this hell

you called me selfish
for leaving the one who had
already abandoned me
but I will not apologize
for leaving someone who was never there

you just hate me for hurting you
the same way you hurt me