Words are my release.
Penning poems for recovery.
I write, for I am.

The waters are tears
Rolling and rolling
The sound, same as my heartbeat
Am nearly drowned
Surviving
Breathing
The face I've seen clearly
Now carried by the tide
A wave is still a wave
You are still you
We are no more
And I'm no longer blue.

«So teach ******
a thousand romance
and play, and sing,
and dance?

no one will ever
understand.

Go tell ma'
i cant' pay the rent;
Go tell ma'
these are twisted sinews
from a tiger heart:
Go tell ma'
my life is only fluff.»

Dreamin' is free?,
don't tell that to me;
I've spent awake
my time in bed
so tired, I've lost
everything I had.

Once there was a pale china doll
Walking slowly under her red parasol
China doll, why so pale?
China doll, you are to be cared
Wipe your tears, the moon’s soon to wane
Summer’s up not long, days with no more rain
Once there was a blooming china doll
Walking happily under her red parasol
China doll, why so blithe?
China doll, she’ll never be pale.

The concealer’s still fresh, I can sense.
Flawlessly, the warm tint covered me.
My lips and cheeks are rosy
Like when you first said you loved me.
All these shadows upon my eyes, smoking and bleak
I keep them closed, as I never want them open.
In darkness there is sorrow
In sorrow I found light.
My eyes- shut from many years ago
I want them open now.
Slowly, slowly, slowly
Mirror reflected such ineffable beauty.
I’m made-up.
Not because of you,
Not because of how I was to you.
I’m made up.
Darling, because I’ve made up my mind.

I find it easy to commit to someone...

perhaps that's part of the problem.

Find someone who makes you feel like the sun is something they made for you for extra credit in wood shop.
But don't find someone who needs extra credit.
There is going to be somebody that,
because of you,
will not understand what they're doing.
Or why they're doing it.
But they will do so.
Always.
I can promise you that someone will let you in.
Someone will show you that darkness can,
and will
swell.
But just like a sprained ankle,
it wont expand anywhere else.
Don't let your body enlarge into darkness.
Someone will tell you not to.
And someone will love you.
But you need to first understand that you are someone.
And that everybody who is someone needs someone.
Don't be afraid to be the one for yourself.

I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to help my situation.
I’m trying to help myself.
I’m trying to be the best I can.
I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to find solace in silence.
I’m trying to find a place where it’s ok.
I’m trying to find a place where I’m ok.
I’m not trying to be the victim.

Please don't let yourself drown in the ocean of lies.