The curtains open once more
And I look into the eyes of the watching crowd
But even after my performance
I never once felt proud

Then I take a bow and walk off stage
I take off my mask, temporarily free
I see someone who I thought would compliment my performance
Yet he doesn't recognize me

I want to do anything else, be a teacher or a politician
But the next day, I'll walk back onto the stage
Everything in my body is telling me to stop
Yet I keep performing for no wage

I wish I was in the wings, like I was years ago
Pretending it was me in the burning spotlight
And I found my peace in the drowning shadows
Yet I wanted to be louder with all my might

When will this show finally end?
I walk on stage with despair I've so long felt
The spotlight causes my skin to burn and melt

The red curtains open fast
Will this time finally be the last?

I have seen those Golden Seas
And my name burned on someone's tongue
I locked myself out of life with my own keys
And I gasped for the toxic air in my poisoned lung

I must've forgotten who I was supposed to be
I hoped everything would be okay with a bit of luck
Then suddenly I was set free
And once more, I finally woke up.

Sick of my rotten filth.
Just rip it apart, let me bleed.
If you hate me, rip me open in distaste.
If you love me, rip me open to see.

A little blood every day,
As you sit with the blade in your hand,
Scribbles on your skin,
Crying to the bathroom walls.

The writing on my hands—
For all the things I had to get done—
Now smeared with blood.
Now, as I wash my hands, the writing fades—
Nothing’s getting done today.

There’s something about
Cutting deeper and deeper into the same wound,
And the bandage not holding what’s within.
I’ve told the wild stories
About how I got them—
“My cat scratched me.”

But if it means taking away my pain,
For just a few minutes,
I’d do anything.
Even if I have to do it all again tomorrow.

The sun's shining on my tattered bed sheets
Another day of sadness
Just like any other day
If I don't come back with soiled pants
Then I will go to church and offer a burnt offering
I go to the bathroom
Flinch at every drop of water that hits my ****** wounds
I go to the mirror and look
The big swelling I got yesterday
After the "queen bee" hit my head against the wall
Someone again placed a banana peel on my way
I could only hear shutter sounds as I fell
Became the meme of yesterday
Just like I was the day before the day before the day before...
I look at her in the mirror
In the school uniform
With tears in my eyes
Filled with anger and remorse
Punching the girl in my mirror
I roared at her
"I DON'T WANNA BE YOU ANYMORE."

Who is this monster I have created
When did the real me get so faded
I hate it

I look in the mirror,
And all I see is self hatred

Where did the real me go
Where did I go
I want to know

When did I get stuck in this bottomless pit of hell
When did I turn into this person I don't even recognize,
Even when I look myself in the eyes

Who am I