seasonal depression 6.20.25 (4:30 pm / 16:30)
summer makes me sad this year
i can’t remember if it’s always been this way
i feel empty without school even though that’s what made me like this

pointless without some kind of schedule and goal
it’s so peaceful now
but i’m alone with my thoughts
even this sadness is wrong
most people are more depressed in the winter
or so they say

i stopped drawing and my sketchbook is full of poems
in dying pen

summer makes me sad this year
the way i’ve changed so much i can’t even remember how i was
before

[playing: rocket ships by cavetown]

Then suddenly I’m hit by seasonal depression
The Type that dulls the sky and interactions
Makes you Observe the world with no question
clings on to you like second skin
Makes you go crazy and contemplate sin

Whatever you do nurtures these thoughts
Like our nature was to fear and hate
Consumed by everything , consumed by shame
a horrible game we’re fated to play

Can I hide myself ? Wait for the rain to be over ?
The umbrella still wets my clothes and damps my skin
I can’t take  the cold and I can’t take the heat
Everything I do seems to make me weak
Struggling with truth and make believe

Sometimes you’re mentally just falling, and you need someone to hold onto you before you hit the ground.

Dead flowers lay on the floor
stems cut to try and save the petals in failed attempt
One
      By one
           They all fall
Until there's nothing left at all


The Autumn chill indicating the end
For without death,
no one would miss the twirl of a sycamore seed
or the fresh face of daisies who have just bloomed

So as all the petals fall,
and I gently go with
Maybe I'll be missed after all

butterfly>
biscuits>
olive =
get emotional

butterfly>
needles>
stitch=
me up please

something
is very wrong

tis the season
to smile
go home
and cry

hope??
haven’t seen her

it’s all
blood vials
dead dogs
expired wine
fruit dropped
on the floor

children walking by
looking for a
drunk nutcracker
named tipsy

and i can’t even
syphon off some
of their joy
because something
is definitely wrong
and they’re fresh out

where do the
butterflies go
when it’s winter
and hopeless?

why do they
leave when
we need
them most?

get emotional
stitch me up
rinse
repeat

happy holidays
let the worry
creep through
the greenery

drape some
guilt on the tree
wrapped in twinkling
strings of panic
cranberry flavored
family fights

anxiety but
make it festive

depression but
make it seasonal

could i get a
butterfly down here?

just some kind of
hopeful flutter
a dog
a needle
anything to
grasp onto

just to get
through
december
find a butterfly
on a ransacked
holiday shelf
70% off and
picked over

get emotional
stitch me up

something is
very wrong

depression
but make it seasonal