The closer I feel to you, the further I feel from myself.
Searching for something I don't know.
Keeping my watchful and trained eye focused on something I might never find.
A  burning and meaningful way of being loved, unlike anything I've ever experienced before. The kind that makes you ache when it's not around and long for its touch again.
Have I never seen this before, or had I not appreciated it when it was within my grasp? Did we have this, and now it's gone?
If it's gone, is it gone for good?
Are we hopelessly bound together, or are we hopelessly in love, just searching for a way back to what we once had?

Could I answer "who am I?"
Even if I where to ask myself?
I'd surely catch myself being something else
Draped in some kind of forgotten lie

I bend and split like beams of light
Fractured through the prism of life
My personality's gone under the knife
I don't recognize myself, try as I might

Maybe it's been too long to yearn
For something that's too far gone to grasp
So are these last year's only pointless laps?
There's no familiar street for me to turn

I'm lost amongst my own false faces
And I can no longer find my own
This is my cross to bare alone
Falling out of my own graces

©2025

In every gesture, repost, or rhyme
The universe sends me conflicting signs
I try to avoid them but I have been chosen,
To search for a meaning till my heart is broken.

Searched on every summit for lost elusive cures,
And for the alchemy.to make me feel I was pure.
I've violently torn through all that I am,
Begging every deity I’ve known for their hand.

There is no guidance.

What if healing doesn't surface, Cries muffled under sand.
A doctrine for the hopeful who will never understand.
My wounds still hold the daggers, unremoved.
What if pain protects the heart because it'll never be renewed?

There is no feeling.

Singing broken hymns inspires a hymn of praise.
Unspoken laws, maybe I'm an example being made.
I’m never broken; I can only wish to break with time.
I remain a quantum sonnet stripped of any rhyme.

There is no harmony.

Maybe there is grace that lives within a wilted plea.
In knowing, I’m exactly who I knew I’d always be.
A life pulling chains tethered to a hopeless mind.
What’s left within a soul, to see its purpose held divine.

There's nothing to believe.

Without residue of ash, from embers glow,
Haunted by the echoes, that have turned hearts to stone.
Our cold sweat of empathy for fellow misbegotten.
Stitched into the nerves of a body that is rotting.

There's nothing to see.

I cannot find belief in me for false restoration.
No longer a seeking of a hollowed-out salvation.
I walk with aching fractures to a rapture born in rust.
A fate I feel deep in my core, that all is made of dust.

There's no eternity.

What’s the meaning to the riddles I weave?
Is there truth in what remains, or is truth in what will leave?
As I stand, a withered body without a single plea.
I am all I ever was, all I know I'll ever be.

There's nothing to be.

One little astronaut build a spaceship  of junkyard parts and wielded up the mountainside and tried to get the thing to fly looking through his telescope of cardboard and a paper hole and hoping soon to fly even though he hasn't even lived
But the ship was build real bad and rolled down the mountain slideing down the mountainside landing into the ocean's tide  
But the pilot had to face I'm floating in outer space I'm further than I was before heading to the ocean floor now I'm in the furthest place possible from outer space and the one I love I guess it's a poetic way to die ironic I can't even cry I'm surrounded by salt water so why even bother trying to fall in love with you feels like getting hit in the back of the neck with the wiffle bat full of stars and I got scars to prove it under my hands and over My heart

If you
Dress for success
Wear nice clothes
People will talk
Oh Your one of
Those
Putting on airs
Supercilious
Conceited
Egotistical
Know it all
High and mighty
Self important
Attention seeker


If you
Dress simply
People will talk
You’re broke
Have no money
Lackadaisical
Pitifully
Poor

If you are
Successful
Prosperous
Thriving
Flourishing
People will talk
Inauspicious
Show off
Rubbing
in our face
Purposely
Making
Us look
Bad

If you are
Struggling
Phlegmatic
Unsentimental
People will talk
You’re
Languishing
Weak minded
In
The
Wrong
Place

If you
Speak
your mind
People will talk
You are
Superannuated
Antiquated
Archaic
Obsolete
Rude
Various
Opinions
Willingly
Conclude

If you
Stay Quiet
Quiescent
Indolent
Languorous
People will talk
You’re sulking
Brooding
Pouting
Self-deluding
Tantrum

Life is
convoluted
Opinions
Are like
Elbows
Everybody
Has one

No matter
What you
Do today
People
Will always
Have something
To say


Don’t let
Negativity
Rule the day
Mind over matter
Nonsense
Should not have
A voice
A choice
Useless chatter

Ignorant
Inconsequential
Naysayers
Are
Irrelevant
Players

As long
As
God
Is pleased
With what
You do
And say

Who cares
What people
Say
In the
Light of day

Live
God’s
Way



Inspired songs  

1) it’s complicated 2002
By Avril Lavigne
2) complicated 2004
By Joss Ross