shadows dance around my room.

it's a party of darkness through which I must sleep. the noisy fists incessantly pound on fleshy white periosteum- I’m bleeding.

I'm gasping from inebriation and
blurred vision the party induced,

tripped up steps on drowsy meds- my memory, now abaited
replaced by these
dark guests

my chest
lurched, poised and ready to jump over the edge of my rib cage.

and I'd **** for water,
but all the bartenders offer
are straight jackets, quetiapine fumarate and more paranoia.

there's only room for one person in here.
but there are two voices I hear.

Don’t you see him?

He sits in the corner,

Spending hours and passing judgment

On all I have to say.

Don’t you see him?

He tormented me

With questions and answers

Spending money and passing time

With all I have to provide.

Don’t you see him?

He is a dark shadow

That gathers on the edge of my mind

And fades along

With the disappearance of night.

I'm not very smart
This is of myself
I gave you my heart
And hope that you help
To...

Keep me together
Keep me from falling apart
But I shouldn't have done that
After I gave you my heart

The pounding sound of heartbeats drown me in their noise
My eardrums on the verge of bursting, but I have no choice
Taken over by the soundwaves, lost in a cloud of rot
My ears are bleeding, because of your voices, I can't stop.

My chemical imbalances
Make me unstable
Releasing pieces of my mind
So I'll become stable
Still calculating the halflife
Of my sanity
Alpha, beta or gammma,
Would not catorize me

I have my destructible behaviours,
I beg for your love and attention
Maybe if I became what you want
You'll give me what I need
Even though what's received
Isn't truly affection

I have my addictions
I overdose on dopamine
But maybe if their levels were stable in my body
I wouldn't behave like the ****** I am
And no longer unwanted, I'll be

I have my happy moments in life,
Though I don't really share
Because if I give them away to others
That means there would be less for me
Although happiness never truly is there

gulping down the agony
your irises shift like your schizophrenic sister
at the annual Christmas party

alone in a corner
whispering family drama
to air shaped like a person.

you ****** your head forward
like the motion would rattle loose
the thoughts that are stapled inside.

you breathe out in relief
when you find they’re gone
and the only person

you ever have to trust again
is yourself.
sigh out the real truth

you don’t trust yourself
as far as you can throw yourself
and you crash landed into rock bottom.

sometimes you wish you were like your sister
the only friends she needed were in her head
but you can’t get anyone to stay longer than a few months

you think the problem was choosing the wrong people
you just attract the bad ones
but you’re probably the monster

you just can’t see it
who can blame you
you wonder if your sister knows she’s crazy

because in her world she’s probably
the sanest one there
you wonder if she’ll let you visit

book an express ticket to straightjacket town
meet the friends she’s imagined
but feel more real than any friend you’ve ever had.

you realize that she might have to swallow
tic tac imposters on a daily basis
to keep the world inside her

not outside of her
but at least she doesn’t have to be this
lonely.

there are no friends in your head.

Go away
I'm chemically unstable

There's no way
Now that we ever will be able

To be considered me
Truely alright, fine, good, normal


Medicine ungiven
Diagnosis wishing
Why others wouldn't listen?
Because they're talking flesh

I'm totally fine,
Yeah,
Totally feeling
The disease you don't believe in

You say everthing has its season,
But my mind, it isn't healing!

Your 'training' leaves me tired
Pain makes me uninspired
Unless by you it's fired
From life, just might retire

I have no mouth and

I must scream

I'm going down

It's all a dream


Losing function,

It's ceaseless

Flabbergasted

I'm speechless.

She hides her feelings behind her soft brown eyes
She hides her ugly truths behind the beautiful lies
She hides her growing disease behind a meaty exterior
She hides her everything, afterall, what are people for?